Too much, too soon?

[Diaspora]

About a month ago, I started exchanging messages with a guy on an online dating site.

He was pretty cute, but he seemed somewhat insecure. Anyways, I always got the distinct feeling that he was a bit clingy. We chatted on msn a few times, but we never really arranged to meet. He asked me to come over one night, to drink with him... but that seemed a bit sketch, so I refused.

We continued to chat... and he would mention things like going on vacation with him, if "hypothetically" we were in love... it threw me off. We chatted on Skype once, and it was strange--he insisted on singing songs--after some time, I finally convinced him to actually have a conversation with me. At this point, I figured that I should just let whatever this was, wither and die--it was starting to freak me out a little.

Fast forward a few weeks, and we hadn't spoken/chatted. He messages me out of the blue, and starts chatting. After a while he sends me a few songs from a noted musical artist--the songs are about love and being late about love--essentially he states that these songs are from him to me. He also starts going on about how he knows and speaks to said musical artist. At this point I'm a bit more than weirded out.

Finally he writes that he "might like me", and wants to be with me. I turned him down.

Ok so:
(1) Was he pushing at it too much, too soon [border-line stalker]? or
(2) Am I just (as some of my friends have suggested) being commitment phobic?

Keep in mind, that we've never met before. And have only actually spoken to each other for maybe 20 minutes.

 

[beatleshead]

Umm...you dont have to worry about yourself...its definitely something wrong with that dude and i would say it is something wrong with you if you didnt react the way you did.

STAY AWAY!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! lol

 

[Telstra]

is he far away ?

if not why not meet, but u have to tell him u can't promise him anything and no means no, yes means yes.

 

[martin6]

I'd say keep doin' what you're doin'. Don't look back.

 

[CGHJ]

Agreed, you got out of that one just in time.

He may be a very nice person (maybe) but you have now freed him to find someone more suited to his own personality.

 

[silentalk]

I wouldn't say anything is wrong with you. Something similar happened to me just today in school. It was a GIRL!!!!!! I refused politely to go out with her, but I kept talking. No harm in making friends - and, to me, even weird ones are fine. People are different.

I'd say he was going too fast. What he did would turn me off too. It was just a personality mismatch in my opinion.

 

[Spensed]

The original poster, Diaspora, didn't do anything wrong.

But what happened is a lesson, which is probably something along the lines of not to go along with things when your instincts begin to tell you the're going somewhere you don't want to go. That was you kinda did anyway.

But next time you might define your own position (I'm not looking for a relationship or whatever) that much sooner or whatever you want to do to get a different result.

It sounds like the other guy is just too needy or too desperate for some love connection, but it's never just about the other guy. The thing that you can get the most from is looking at your part in it. IMHO.

Sorry. Don't mean to preach.

 

[darren]

I think that guy was pushing it a bit much, and you were a little scared. I would be too. I don't think you're a commitment phobic, i just think he was coming on a little too strong. Is he still chatting to you?

 

[Diaspora]

Thanks for the responses.

To be fair to him, when we first chatted I did say I would eventually be looking for a relationship.

To me, that meant going on dates and taking it from there, not being bfs over a few chats on msn. I can see (a little) how he might interpret it the way he did. I guess I need to be a bit more clear next time, that I would be "open to a relationship".

And no, we're not chatting anymore. He seemed (understandably) upset, and signed off.

 

[rareboy]

He sounds psycho if you ask me.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thousands of years of evolution have provided the human race with instinct and intuition that helps them avoid dangerous situations.

If a guy is setting off your creep-o-meter, there's a reason.

 

[Telstra]

creep-o-meter. i would like to buy one.

 

[Telstra]

He sounds psycho if you ask me.

i wouldn't judge him a psycho yet. probably lonely and needs cuddles.

 

[beatleshead]

i wouldn't judge him a psycho yet. probably lonely and needs cuddles.

after the cuddling hell chop you up. MWAHAHAA!! lol

the fact that hes mad at you...i mean, thats NOT understandable. thank god you got out. thats like someone not talking to you anymore cos they offered you peanuts and you said no thank you.