Too Nervous To Do It

[ShyBiGuy]

Here's the deal. I've been fantasizing about being with another guy for a couple of years. I really get off thinking about it, and I've reached the point where I want to give it a try. I've joined a couple of gay sites, and I've even put an ad up on Craigslist. I've gotten a few responses, but I've been too nervous and afraid to actually go through with it. Every time I don't go through with it, I end up wanting to do it even more. I just need to find a way to get over my nerves, and I don't know how to do it. I know that if I don't try this, I'm going to regret it. Does anyone have some advice?

 

[mbamike]

I know how you feel! I was the same way! I had my first gay experience about four weeks ago. It was absolutely wonderful!

I opened accounts on Manhunt and Adam4Adam. Craigslist did not appeal to me, just personal preference. Be specific in your profile in describing what you want. I did not state in the profile that I was a virgin or inexperienced with gay sex. I informed them of this once there appeared to be the possibility of a hook up. Also, I was told some guys will target virgins, so it is also a precaution. You may want to talk on the phone and meet at a neutral location before deciding to hook up. Just be careful!

I was rejected alot, but finally met a guy who wanted to meet with me even though I was a virgin.

It was wonderful! We went slow and easy. We did not do anything in which I felt uncomforable. I surprised myself and my guy at how much I actually did. My guy was very caring and patient. It was the best sex of my life!

 

[backseatboy]

Advice on how to get over your nerves? I'd have to advise you slow it down a bit. The internet might not be your best venue. I'm not sure where your located, or if your out, but maybe hit a club, or a social venue.

That might give you the confidence to follow through next time,
[Broke Straight Boys]

 

[KingofFaeries]

First, don't put an ad up on Cl til you're sure you want to do it. Not sure about your locale, but here in austin people will flame the hell out of you if you advertise but end up doing the email tag or flake out. Just as an fyi.

How to get over your nerves.... type out ur addie or wherever your hookin up at real fast and hit send before you can really think it over. Keep a self defense implement at hand, and be aware of easy access weapons you may have out. Remember that most guys will respect your boundaries so if they approach them warn the guy and if he doesn't back off ask him to leave. If he doesn't go that's where the self defense implement comes into play. The first couple times I hooked up with someone I kept a knife under the pillow, from the time I laid down until we were done I kept my hand on it just in case.

However nerves aren't going to make your first gay experience enjoyable. And has been known to cause 'performance' issues. Which if the guy isn't nice about it can just pile on more issues. So my advice for how to go about getting your first time. Advertise for a friends with benefits type situation. This way they know you want to get to know them before you hop in the sack. Then get to know the people who want to fuck your tight virgin hole and the nerves should go away on their own.

 

[ilguy82]

If you are going into sex with nerves it makes the experience worse. The best way to go about this is try to meet people first and get comfortable around them. Being confortable around someone first makes the experience much more enjoyable. Also, it is ok to say no if you don't feel right. Just make sure you are in a situation that you can get out of. You might regret it more if you rush into something.

 

[torand]

However nerves aren't going to make your first gay experience enjoyable. And has been known to cause 'performance' issues. Which if the guy isn't nice about it can just pile on more issues. So my advice for how to go about getting your first time. Advertise for a friends with benefits type situation. This way they know you want to get to know them before you hop in the sack. Then get to know the people who want to fuck your tight virgin hole and the nerves should go away on their own.

I seriously almost spit out what I was drinking with how fast that last sentence changed course .

I can't speak to how to meet people to try this out, I knew I was gay very early in life, and ended up fooling around with or sleeping with several of my high school *straight* friends.

 

[KingofFaeries]

Oh quick note, if you do too many of the false first times, like I did, you'll end up over coming your nerves through horniness and curiousity, and you will end up doing something you regret. Whether that is hooking up with someone 46 years older than you, as it was with me, or screwing up a friendship but tryin to talk a drunk friend into it. So careful

 

[ShyBiGuy]

Thanks for the advice. I think I have it figured out. When I find the right guy, I have to commit without giving myself time to over think what I'm doing. If I can follow through and do it the first time, those nerves will disappear, and then I can really enjoy what I'm doing.

 

[pnfan]

How to get over your nerves.... type out ur addie or wherever your hookin up at real fast and hit send before you can really think it over. Keep a self defense implement at hand, and be aware of easy access weapons you may have out. Remember that most guys will respect your boundaries so if they approach them warn the guy and if he doesn't back off ask him to leave. If he doesn't go that's where the self defense implement comes into play. The first couple times I hooked up with someone I kept a knife under the pillow, from the time I laid down until we were done I kept my hand on it just in case.

My jaw dropped when I read this. Did your suitor notice that you had a knife in your hand the whole time? What if he had caught a glimpse of it and thought you were about to stab him? I'm just a virgin and completely inexperienced but this sort of encounter sounds like a 911 call waiting to happen.

I would never give a stranger my home address especially if I thought my physical safety could possibly be at risk. Wouldn't it be more prudent to meet up at a neutral location in a public place? That way you could assess his demeanor and ensure he doesn't show any signs of being violent.

Please excuse my ignorance, I have never had any intimate contact of any kind with another person, but I think you are putting yourself at risk.

If I came to your house and saw deadly weapons on display I would turn and run.

 

[Miss Ruby]

A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for.

~John A. Shedd, Salt from My Attic




Good luck and take care of yourself!!