Too nervous

[riden3]

I realized I'm not going to meet many gay men so I decided to try my luck on the internet. I found a bunch guys that I was interested in and they were willing to hook up but I always get nervous and end up bailing out. I'd love to mess around in bed with these guys but for some reason I get so nervous I can't go through with it. I feel guilty and immature playing these 'games' but I can't seem to get over it. I'm 19 and never been kissed so I feel weird being the 1 in 30 kid whose still a virgin but I just can't seem to go through with it. I to these guys pictures and would love to meet them but I just can't do it. Any advice on getting over this?

 

[VICTORIADON]

When the proper time comes, you will know and everything will work out fine. Maybe this is just not the time yet.

 

[Grizz]

stop with the internet now. You'll be so much better off if you wait and let your 1st be with someone you care about or at least was able to make sure the chemistery is there. Don't give it to someone you just met in a chat room who lied like hell about who he is so when he shows up at your door you are expecting Brad Pitt but you get MiniMe. Just put yourself out there more in school or get involved in your local community. If you feel there is nothing for you where you live put together a plan to move. Just know how valuable you are so don't give yourself away.

 

[69Strat]

I realized I'm not going to meet many gay men so I decided to try my luck on the internet. I found a bunch guys that I was interested in and they were willing to hook up but I always get nervous and end up bailing out. I'd love to mess around in bed with these guys but for some reason I get so nervous I can't go through with it. I feel guilty and immature playing these 'games' but I can't seem to get over it. I'm 19 and never been kissed so I feel weird being the 1 in 30 kid whose still a virgin but I just can't seem to go through with it. I to these guys pictures and would love to meet them but I just can't do it. Any advice on getting over this?

If you want to meet men, you should consider posting a pic of yourself. Just a thought.

 

[Brad]

If you are gay and living in a gay repressive area, I advise moving. I live like you and commute 40 miles to my boyfriend and at age 45 finally making plans to move. It would be easier and faster while you are young.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Meeting men in a bar, or on the internet for a one night stand is one thing, but if you are looking for something more perminent, then this may be a reason for chickening out as you said.

If your doing the internet thing, pick your sites carefully. Post a picture of you. If the site asks for a profile be honest, post who you are, and tell others what your looking for...be it a one nighter or a relationship. Don't pick the first hot guy you see....lol! Chat with this person online, see them on cam if possible. Contrary to what Grizz said, my experiences have been good online. I am with my second bf as I write this. My first lasted almost 6 years.

Do you live in a city or large town where you can meet other gay men? Someone close that you can meet and the both of you can experience one another is a better choice.

Your only 19 and when the time comes it will feel right to you and all will be okay. Let us know what happens riden3

 

[jockboy01]

stop with the internet now. You'll be so much better off if you wait and let your 1st be with someone you care about

Totally agree here. Not that my internet experience has been bad at all. But it would be nice to have your first be with somebody you know and care about. That's hard to accomplish at 19 with the raging hormones.

It all comes down to a comfort level. It is obvious that you aren't comfortable with hooking up with these guys and that's why you chicken out. It's not a bad thing... in fact, it might be a good thing. I wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

And I wouldn't worry about being a virgin still. There are more out there than you think. And when you finally end up with a guy that you care about and who cares about you, it won't bother him either.

 

[Project22a]

I realized I'm not going to meet many gay men so I decided to try my luck on the internet. I found a bunch guys that I was interested in and they were willing to hook up but I always get nervous and end up bailing out. I'd love to mess around in bed with these guys but for some reason I get so nervous I can't go through with it. I feel guilty and immature playing these 'games' but I can't seem to get over it. I'm 19 and never been kissed so I feel weird being the 1 in 30 kid whose still a virgin but I just can't seem to go through with it. I to these guys pictures and would love to meet them but I just can't do it. Any advice on getting over this?

Don't feel weird having never kissed a guy, or for still being a virgin. This is not something I would freely admit to most of my friends, but I've never kissed a guy, either, and I'm definitely still a virgin.

After I got over having a pity party for myself over all this, I realized that these are good things. I want to wait and save these experiences for when I find a guy that I'm really into, not just "some guy" who's there for the moment, and then gone the next day. Acting on my impatience is much less important than being true to myself and waiting for when the time is right.

I've learned that being gay is one of those things that kinda skews the rules a little bit, and I've come to accept that what happens will happen when the time is right. You can't rush good things... they happen on their own timetable.

Also, you gotta put yourself out there if you're going to find anything worthwhile. If you're not in a gay-friendly environment or don't feel safe seeking out other gay men in your area, then try seeking out friends on the internet (not one-night stands, but just friends). A true relationship (and love, for that matter) will pop up and surprise you when you least expect it.

I hope this helps (sorry if it doesn't), and I hope you'll keep us updated on what happens.

 

[Steppenwolf]

First of all, don't worry about being 19 and still being a virgin. There is nothing wrong with that. I bet there are a lot of people your age that wish they hadn't lost their virginity as early as they did or the way they did. You'll know when the time is right.

You may want to consider just meeting guys without any preconceptions of meeting to have sex or looking for a long-term relationship. Find people to connect with and have a good time. In most areas, even very conservative ones, there are gay and lesbian social and support groups. The trick is in finding them. I've found the internet to be a great source of info on this. Hell, ask on JUB if anyone knows of such groups in your area. You may find that those groups provide some of the safest places to meet people like ourselves.

Also, don't necessarily rule out public places like bars and clubs. Many are geared towards certain age groups, etc. You seem to be smart enough to know when to back out and say no. While the stereotypes of these places do have some merit, it doesn't always apply. I disagree here with WYSIWYG. Bars and long-term relationships are not necessarily mutually-exclusive. The bar I frequent is filled with couples in long-term relationships (some 10 years +). I met my partner there.

I'd be very weary about posting my picture and any personal information on any website looking for dates. I'm sure many people do it.

Anyway, those are my 2-cents. Good luck.

 

[luminum]

I had sex before I ever allowed myself to kiss someone. I got my first kiss when I was 19. So as far as kissing goes, you're not an oddball. At least, not to me.

It'a all about when you're ready. Don't feel that because you're 19 and still a virgin that you HAVE to mess around. But if you want to do it, make sure that you're safe. Always use condoms and just work up the nerve to meet up with them.

The thing to watch out for is getting in a bad situation. They may not be who they say they are. So always meet up in a public place. Propose that you guys meet up for coffee or something before possibly messing around together. That way you meet in a public place and you can get a feel for the guy if you really do like him or not or if you're turned off.

 

[tallguy297]

Hi riden,

Mate, understand that there is no rush to do this...this isnt a race...this can be a special and important time for you...you will always remember it... and you are not the one in 30 trust me. There a whole lot more people out there who just cant admit the truth...

Heres a link to another thread right here on JUB

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=137823

just to prove that theres no age, right time or set period that you have to make this decision. We are all different. We all have different values and needs. Dont feel you need to conform to something that really isnt real...

Jacking of, using porn...all of those things are pretty normal too mate...its ok. Dont stress over this or rush it. Sex is a big deal to some and it means different things to different people. Some call intimacy sex, others physical contact and others only class penetration as sex. Decide carefully what you want, how far you want to go....and most importantly who with.

A side affect that usually tags along with our "first" is an emotional attatchment of some sort to the other guy. Its never what we intend to do if it was supposed to just be a random encounter...but we do. And if they have no feelings for you or look at you as just another notch on their belt, it will feel cold and meaningless to them...and that may hurt you.

Take your time. Consider your options and try to be aware of all the possibilities that life will throw at you in the not too distant future...just because today there is nothing on the horizon doesnt mean tomorrow will be the same.

Let your morals and values guide you riden. They make you who you are...already they tell you that you dont like playing games. Treat your self with the respect and dignity that you deserve mate - you are worth it. And its worth making this moment special with someone that cares for and values you.

 

[irishdreamer2287]

Ok so first off I know exactly how you feel. I am 19 myself and I know that it can be very tough dating especially at our age. Just like you said I dont really meet gay men either when I am just out and about, so I also went to the internet. I realize that the internet chat rooms may not be the best place to meet guys for either reason (hooking up or to find a longer lasting relationship) but I didn't find that it was a horrible thing to do. When I first started going to the chats I made a few guidelines for myself to follow to kinda help me from just falling for the first guy who said hello to me lol. To even have the possibility of having a real life meeting, I have to talk to them for a certin amount of time online. I find that if all they want is a hookup then once they see after chatting for a bit that you are not gonna run out and get into bed with them they usually stop talking to you all together (just the guys that are only looking for a hook up) if they do continue talking to you after a while then at least you know that they are interested in you as well. I have gone on just a few dates by the help of the chat rooms and I have to say that I am happy I did because even though nothing came out of them at least you are getting yourself out there even if it is just a little bit. Good Luck

 

[cellular]

I feel exactly the same way as you do riden, im 20 and i have never kissed a guy and im a virgin. But you know what i come to realise is that i dont think we can rush into things like this. At our age, i dont think many guys out there are responsible (im generalising), and god forbid that if i start fooling around now, i might get some diseases, then how am i going to tell my family how i got it? My personal choice is to get through my studys then when i start working, hopefully by then i will meet someone in my profession that i can trust and we can form a relationship. Be wary of internet chats though, many guys i chat to are just like lets meet and have sex. I usually ignore those who do that.