Too shy--what to do?

[downtown81]

Hey y'all!

This is my first ever post, but I need advice and I don't want to ask any of my straight girlfriends. I'm a gay top, mixed race living in Detroit, MI, aged 43, but look at least ten years younger...Women always want to have my baby, but I cannot seem to meet a man. I used to be more of an androgynous pretty-boy type when I was younger, but now I'm a little more butch; I wouldn't say "straight-acting", but I can pass. I'm friends with a lot of construction worker/ body-builder types with whom I'm totally out. In fact all of my friends at this point are straight.

Recently, I have assumed additional responsibilities at my day job. I'm not going to say that I received a promotion, because I'm not getting paid any more money, but I've assumed some additional administrative duties, and it's all good (for now). This involves hiring some assistants and supervising their work, etc.

I had to hire two people and I only did four interviews (out of a lot of applicants), because (I think) the job market is really tight here in Detroit and I found some really (overqualified) applicants off the bat. I should clarify that most of the job description is just like clerical bullshit that the average high-school student ought to be able to do, but that there is the opportunity for the least senior member of our staff to participate in the highest levels of decision making and policy. I have a really cool job; actually I do AIDS research.

So, I hired two assistants, a man and a woman, who are both around thirty and possess mad clerical skills. I really hit it off with the one guy from the beginning because he is so gung-ho and is actually organized, attentive to details and can follow instructions. My position is weird, because I have three different bosses to answer to, and there are new priorities every day. I should probably write down instructions for some of these new assignments, but I am also working a full-time job at night, and the specific tasks and priorities at the day job seem to change every day.

I'm the kind of supervisor that that will crowd over your shoulder to keep pressing that button to show you what exactly I am trying to get done, but I'm not trying to cause a scene (necessarily) or invade your personal space; and I always trying to be freshly showered and smelling good when I do so (although I may have had a salad with bleu cheese and garlic dressing for lunch--but I'm working on that, yuck!)

So yesterday, I have all these documents spread out in my lap and on my desk, trying to explain this new job to Homeboy. Of course, no matter how much I plan ahead, there seems to be some glaring inconsistency. So Homeboy reaches over and in fact pushes down on the suspect data, which is in my lap, on the tip of my dick, and says, "But, yeah, what about this?"

So I, being kind of shy, move the data over a couple of inches and suggest that we see if he can access my spreadsheet in the data room, which we do so and then he says something like "Look how small it is. I'm going to have to make it bigger than that."

Here's my question: Can I let my employee blow me a little bit, or should I cool my jets?

 

[MindBlast]

Employer/employee sex is a no-no.

 

[psychobandit]

Whoa!, slow those horses down fella! one touch of the dick does not a gay man make .
And, of course, what Mindblast said.

 

[randyreese]

No way - no how.

 

[G-Lexington]

Before you think about pulling your dick out, think long and hard (ahem) about what you said about the Detroit job market...and how employable you think you might be after it's revealed that you had sex (or attempted to) with somebody you hired. Sex with co-workers is always a dangerous idea. Sex with somebody you're directly above or below (in the corporate sense) moves the needle way into the red.

No.

Lex

 

[RicanDAB]

This is oficially known as a bad idea.

I echo this sentiment.

But perhaps you're the type not to listen to our advice and you'll go ahead and pursue this fling anyway - get caught and lose your job. Perhaps maybe then you'll realize then that it is a bad idea?

 

[downtown81]

Thanks for the advice, you guys. I haven't had sex in more than a year, and although I try to whack one off every morning (to avoid this kind of compulsive behavior), this one caught me off guard. Yet, his contract is up the first week of May; maybe I can string him along until then? Any ideas? So far, obviously I have just been playing ignorant, or clueless...

 

[downtown81]

Also, tonight, I met up with another butch closet case of my acquaintance (another construction worker) just in town for the weekend. Long story. I just can't seem to meet any butch bottoms here in Detroit... who put out...

Like I say, I'm just too shy and leery of these guys who can't put voice to their desire to have their assholes worked over good...And I am all about it...

I prefer a guy who is comfortable with his sexual preference, but I hate the kind of cynical queeny burnouts that one is likely to meet at the local bars, etc. I hope my attraction to "straight" guys doesn't place me in the "internalized homophobia" camp...I'm just trying to get some blazing hot man pussy. Any takers in Detroit?

 

[slickery]

Here's a simple rhyme that will help you with your work problems:

"You can't screw the crew"

And basically good luck finding a butch bottom being shy. No butch bottom is going to want someone shy, they are going to want someone that grabs them and says "Hey I'm going to fuck you until your eyes bleed!"

 

[downtown81]

You know, I'm feeling that the responses I'm getting here are somewhat lacking.

I talked with one of the managers at my night job (another smokin' hot straight boy, totally married jock-ish white boy, at thirty, about ten years my junior) and he says that this is not a good idea primarily because he's known ten or fifteen people for whom sleeping with the subordinates has turned into a nightmare, but not because they were (voila) unmasked and fired, but because their lady friends (or freaks, whatever) mostly turned out to be psycho bitches who they had to fire, or who tried to flip the script (the guy from my day job is coming on to me, dammit!) and sue their asses.

I've still been playing the clueless card (which has worked for me all these years): if they grab for your dick, just move the documents over a few inches (not in the direction of the rise, obviously).

Anyway, there is the obvious fantasy of screwing the assistants, if not in the actual office, then in the toilet, stairwell, parking lot: something!

I actually hope that somebody here has had the experience of having to reel in a sexually out of control employee, and can offer some advice about how to deal with this. I'm certainly not the predator here (though I may not mind being hunted).

My straight girl-friend, on the other hand, thinks the whole thing is so cute, based on the ideal notion of Greek love. The point is that he worships me precisely because I treat him as an equal (he has the mad skills that I have always required in an assistant, and then some) but I have the opportunity to school him in obscure but useful research methods that have real-world applications...

OK this is stupid, but I still think I can train him to suck a dick...(If he ain't already trained to do so....) Is that so wrong? What would YOU do?

 

[cocklover1988]

Hmmmm this question is from somebody who also lives in detroit. Well I live in detroit as well and i think you should NOT do anything with him simply because you can get fired and you WILL be out of a JOB FOR MONTHS !!!! I have been unemployed for sometime, wanna give me a job ?

 

[colemanshs]

I don't think you're listening to the advice that is being given. You say that the advice is lacking because everyone is telling you something that you don't want to here.

My advice is the same as theirs: he's an employee--leave him alone. One or both of you could lose your job if anything ever develops.

 

[StlKj]

downtown81,

You're not shy. You have girlfriends and construction friends. You are in a position where three bosses depend on you and put you in charge of interviewing others. These people obviously see something in you that you do not. The problem here is you keep telling yourself that you're shy--it's your own self talk that is making it so. You need to start telling yourself the truth--"I'm a smart, hard-working attractive man with friends who is confident when talking to other men I'm attracted to." It's not your shyness that keeps you down, it's your belief that you're shy that does. You weren't born shy; you made a decision to be shy in certain circumstances.

As far as the office thing is concerned, if he wants to suck your dick now, he'll probably still be interested in sucking your dick one month from now when his contract is up. That is when you can pursue this. If you pursue it now, and it all blows up, you'll use this to convince yourself that being shy is the right way to be, and you'll isolate yourself even more from meeting men you're attracted to.

 

[rareboy]

Oh my god....I think I actually blacked out there for a moment when I read the post.

Under no circumstances whatsoever are you permitted to have this happen. If you were in my company, I'd fire you both on the spot if it did. I'm not sure you're ready for the additional responsibilty that goes with being a supervisor if you even have to ask a question like this on a message board. You seem to have a pathological disregard for consequence and appear to be fishing for permission, not advice

You could create unbelivable damage for the company you are working for just because you gotta get your dick sucked. Grow up for heaven's sake.

 

[kurtwild]

let him blow you if you feel like.
its not a big deal.