Too soon?

[EverythingIsRENT]

So my ex and I broke up at the beginning of March. We were together for 3 years but the end of our relationship was rocky for months and I was incredibly unhappy. About a month ago (end of April) I started seeing this one guy. It started as a hangout from Grindr and then I realized we get along great and really enjoy each other's company. I guess you can say we have been dating since.

Sadly, I am afraid to bring him around my family and friends. I am worried they will judge me for meeting someone so fast. I guess I am judging myself for meeting someone so fast. It feels so right hanging out with him but I guess I feel I should be taking longer to get over my ex. I also think about the future now so much. Afraid things will inevitably end, like my last relationship, or I will regret getting into another relationship.

I feel so confused.

 

[Seasoned]

There's a standard suggestion of taking a year or so between relationships, but sometimes life just takes over. The problem you may have is postponing your thought and grieving process. That could complicate things for you and the new guy.

As for introducing him to your family and friends, give them a heads up and just say you're hoping for the best. If they weigh in with opinions, thank them for their concern and let them know your eyes are wide open. Best wishes.

 

[Disturbance]

Well, give yourself and your new friend some more time.
You don't have to introduce him, only if you feel secure about it, and I really doubt theat he will start demandng that you take him to your parents for dinner.

It took me 3 years to get over the last realtionship, but I was unable to feel love for anyone else, so I didn't have the same problem.

Obviously, you don't struggle with this, so you'll be fine.

 

[LiberoK]

There's a standard suggestion of taking a year or so between relationships, but sometimes life just takes over. The problem you may have is postponing your thought and grieving process. That could complicate things for you and the new guy.

As for introducing him to your family and friends, give them a heads up and just say you're hoping for the best. If they weigh in with opinions, thank them for their concern and let them know your eyes are wide open. Best wishes.

I have such a big problem with pathologizing individual grieving processes, whether an individual grieves for too long or too little. I understand that to a point, it can be pathologized and some kind of therapy and treatment may be needed. But to me, the grieving process is unique to the individual. As long as the person deals with the grief adaptively and is able to function well on a daily basis, I cheer them on. But I suppose if there is scientific evidence linking pathology with duration of grief, then hey... I feel like his individual problem is due to societal expectations of how long he should be waiting. But perhaps his fear of his relationship ending (and comparing it to his last relationship) is a sign.

@OP: I'd say if it feels right, go for it. Is the feeling that you should be taking longer before getting into another relationship based on societal standards rather than you actually not being over your ex? Do what you feel is personally right and what you feel you're ready (or not ready) for.

Also, ask your family and friends if they want to meet him. If they do, go and bring him. If not, don't. You don't want them to feel like you're forcing him on them, which could lead to some resentment towards both you and him, and they may not give him a fair chance. I introduced my boyfriend to my close family and friends about a month and a half into meeting him (we were romantically charged from day 1). I introduced him to a lot of other family members about two and a half months later (after meeting him) and everyone loves him.

Good luck!

 

[sixthson]

Go slowly with the new guy just in case you have unresolved issues with the ex that have yet to arise. What's the rush anyway.

No need to judge yourself, however. Others might, but that is out of your control.

 

[rareboy]

Just take it as it comes.

don't worry about what everyone else thinks...only about what feels right for the two of you......

 

[imthadj]

I agree about taking it as it goes.

Why do you have to introduce him to family and.friends already? Isnt the point of dating to see if you like them enough to establish a relationship and then introduce them to.people who matter? My straight guy friends talk about dating women but I dont really ever see them unless they start a relationship.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

So my ex and I broke up at the beginning of March. We were together for 3 years but the end of our relationship was rocky for months and I was incredibly unhappy. About a month ago...

Outward appearances and technicalities aside, it was over for you months ago.

... (end of April) I started seeing this one guy. It started as a hangout from Grindr and then I realized we get along great and really enjoy each other's company. I guess you can say we have been dating since.

Sadly, I am afraid to bring him around my family and friends. I am worried they will judge me for meeting someone so fast. I guess I am judging myself for meeting someone so fast. It feels so right hanging out with him but I guess I feel I should be taking longer to get over my ex. I also think about the future now so much. Afraid things will inevitably end, like my last relationship, or I will regret getting into another relationship.

I feel so confused.

You're not dating for your family... you're dating for you. Assuming you're a grown adult, you really don't owe them any explanations and you don't have to justify your life to them. ALL they need to know is, you're now dating THIS guy, and he makes you happy.

Tons of people have hazy grey areas where one relationship ends and another one starts. There are no set rules on what kind of shelf life you have to put yourself in a time-out to get over the last guy and move on to the next. Ideally you don't bring bad baggage from the last relationship.

 

[maxpowr9]

The only real problem with dating so quickly is if they are a rebound guy or not. I have been on both ends of that type of relationship and it isn't fun.