Lawnmowerman
JUB Addict
Not sure where to start, and will TRY to not write a book about it, but after hiding for my entire life, I finally decided this week I had to take the first step to change my life, hopefully for the better.
I had hidden who I really was my entire life, always in fear of what people would think of me, and I let it control me to the point of limiting me both personally and professionally. I had reached the point in my life where I knew I would always be alone, and never have anyone, and I had become OK with that and was fine with it.
Then back in late 2005 I found Jub, more through a link looking for pictures. After looking around, I found the forums and starting browsing through them. I eventually came across the relationship forums and began reading about others' ups and downs, and realized that I didn't HAVE to be alone, that I WASN'T a complete freak, and that MAYBE I wasn't the ugly, hideous creature I always pictured myself as. I thought there may be hope for me, and that things could change. I lurked for years, and posted a few pics in the Undies thread, and eventually I think my subconcious took over and allowed a face pic or two. I think I was secretly hoping someone I was acquainted with would recognize me and save me the trouble of outing myself. However, 2 Jubbers pm'd me, and we began chatting, and through both of them, they helped me to realize I could change things and improve my life. I love both of them for that
.
Unfortunately, my job and finance situation took a few turns for the worse, so that just added to my negative feelings, and trying to deal with being gay didn't help. My current job is giving me the potential to make a BIG change financially, and as luck would have it, the CEO of my admittedly small company is a lesbian. She's really cool, and she took a liking to me both professionally and personally. Her sister, however, took a DIFFERENT liking to me
. We had a meeting this week, detailing how she wanted to make some changes in the way we do business, and it made me realize that in order to do so, I needed to change myself. I was going to tell the CEO first, and then probably her sister after, but with working late we all ended up ordering pizza at her house.
After dinner, we began talking, and I just started working towards it in the conversation, until I finally just let them know. They were fine with it, and in fact were very happy, not only that I told them, but that I told THEM. Of course, now they want to get me out to meet others of my "kind"
, but I'm not quite ready for that yet.
I still have my family and good friends to tell, and I just need to figure out how to do that.
Right now, I can't express how great I feel, and actually what a good mood I was in this morning. I haven't felt this happy about anything in a LONG time. I hope this opens doors to friendships, and maybe relationships down the road.
For whoever reads my book, and cares to reply, thanks.
I had hidden who I really was my entire life, always in fear of what people would think of me, and I let it control me to the point of limiting me both personally and professionally. I had reached the point in my life where I knew I would always be alone, and never have anyone, and I had become OK with that and was fine with it.
Then back in late 2005 I found Jub, more through a link looking for pictures. After looking around, I found the forums and starting browsing through them. I eventually came across the relationship forums and began reading about others' ups and downs, and realized that I didn't HAVE to be alone, that I WASN'T a complete freak, and that MAYBE I wasn't the ugly, hideous creature I always pictured myself as. I thought there may be hope for me, and that things could change. I lurked for years, and posted a few pics in the Undies thread, and eventually I think my subconcious took over and allowed a face pic or two. I think I was secretly hoping someone I was acquainted with would recognize me and save me the trouble of outing myself. However, 2 Jubbers pm'd me, and we began chatting, and through both of them, they helped me to realize I could change things and improve my life. I love both of them for that
.Unfortunately, my job and finance situation took a few turns for the worse, so that just added to my negative feelings, and trying to deal with being gay didn't help. My current job is giving me the potential to make a BIG change financially, and as luck would have it, the CEO of my admittedly small company is a lesbian. She's really cool, and she took a liking to me both professionally and personally. Her sister, however, took a DIFFERENT liking to me
. We had a meeting this week, detailing how she wanted to make some changes in the way we do business, and it made me realize that in order to do so, I needed to change myself. I was going to tell the CEO first, and then probably her sister after, but with working late we all ended up ordering pizza at her house.After dinner, we began talking, and I just started working towards it in the conversation, until I finally just let them know. They were fine with it, and in fact were very happy, not only that I told them, but that I told THEM. Of course, now they want to get me out to meet others of my "kind"
, but I'm not quite ready for that yet.I still have my family and good friends to tell, and I just need to figure out how to do that.
Right now, I can't express how great I feel, and actually what a good mood I was in this morning. I haven't felt this happy about anything in a LONG time. I hope this opens doors to friendships, and maybe relationships down the road.
For whoever reads my book, and cares to reply, thanks.
.
And yes, I told them exactly how great they are and how happy they made me. They said they couldn't possibly imagine living with something like that and how hard it must have been, and they said they were honored they were my first long-term friends that I've told.
