tormented mind

[confused01]

I don't know if this should be posted with the health threads, or the coming out threads....

I'm completely in the closet... Nobody knows about me being gay. I'm really too scared to tell anyone. But it's really tearing me up inside. I feel like I'm keeping myself hostage. I'm having some serious problems with not accepting myself...
I've developped an eating disorder (I eat 500 kcal max./day) and I'm doing things I'm not proud of like cutting myself. I can't get my mind clear to study during the exams...
I never would have imagined that denying myself would have an effect this big.
What do you guys think I should do? I'm guessing that if I tell my family I would just do myself a lot more harm because of their reactions...

 

[Fiorino]

Seek help now, am concerned about your cutting yourself. Find a Gay therepist and maker an appointment now.

 

[BluesDog]

^
Fiorino has good advice-- go for help from someone who is qualified to get you on an even keel ASAP

hang in there!

 

[G-Lexington]

Your problems are a bit larger than we here at JUB can tackle easily. About all we can do from this vantage point is:

1. reassure you that, no, you're not alone.
2. reassure you that, someday, you'll get to the other side of this.
3. urge you with all possible urges to get some help with your self-abusive habits.

If you've got "exams", you're in school. If you're in school, you've got a therapist.
Go.
Please.

Lex

 

[Ramindra]

I support Lex's comments. If you are a student, then go and see the counselling staff pronto. Services are free and confidential. Believe me, you will not have been the first to seek their help with this problem, nor will you be the last.

You have admitted to yourself (and us Jubbers) that you have problems that you think you cannot handle. That admission is a very important step. I think you understand that you need help. The next major step is to seek that help, and that is a very difficult step to take because it means telling someone you are gay and the effects that realisation is having. It is a step you must take and it is the start of a journey to self-acceptance.

If you have financial resources, you could seek private treatment with a therapist but I would use the school, college or university services first.

Whatever you decide, I wish you courage to face the future, and good fortune in your journey.

 

[StlKj]

I don't know if this should be posted with the health threads, or the coming out threads....

I'm completely in the closet... Nobody knows about me being gay. I'm really too scared to tell anyone. But it's really tearing me up inside. I feel like I'm keeping myself hostage. I'm having some serious problems with not accepting myself...
I've developped an eating disorder (I eat 500 kcal max./day) and I'm doing things I'm not proud of like cutting myself. I can't get my mind clear to study during the exams...
I never would have imagined that denying myself would have an effect this big.
What do you guys think I should do? I'm guessing that if I tell my family I would just do myself a lot more harm because of their reactions...

One of the main things that is going to stand in your way of getting help is your sense of shame. You have three different triggers for your shame, all connected to hidden areas of your life--being gay, cutting and "developing" an eating disorder. Any one of these can be a well of shame, and all three have to be pretty daunting. In order to even seek help, you need to understand that none of those is something to beat yourself up over. Do not seek to judge yourself--you are having problems with accepting yourself, and you're engaging in coping mechanisms that aren't healthy for you. Many people do this; you are not alone.

Accept that while you're hurting, there's nothing wrong with who you are, merely with how you are treating yourself. Seek help as quickly as possible--eating disorders can do terrible and irreparable damage to your body (even causing death), and cutting can lead to an addiction to it as well as serious scarring.


You deserve to live. You deserve a chance to be happy with yourself. Only you can see that that happens, and seeking help is essential. As much as you are afraid of what people might say, I can only imagine that those who love you would rather see you be gay and happy than bleeding, wasting away and emotionally devastated.

Get help now.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Confused!

Thank you so much for posting here... thank you for finding the courage to ask for advice... You are amongst friends here, friends that wont judge or blame you. Friends that will support and help you... friends that want whats right for you.

Confused... please mate... please go to your GP. Your most important issue mate is confiding in someone you can trust. Someone that will maintain your utmost confidentiality, but also someone who can help you mend. Someone that can help you not only deal with these other issues but someone who can also help you understand the underlying cause.

Yes it means telling him you are gay... but your age and his oath means that information goes absolutely no further. Your secret will be safe and you will be in the hands of someone who can steer you in the right direction...

Your honesty here, your truth, your logic and your self awareness show what sort of guy you are mate. You're bright, articulate, intelligent... but most of all... you're strong. It takes a lot to ask for help... Its those things that you should take heart in Confused. Its easy to admire someone who is strong enough to say that every now and again they feel weak...

You have no need to feel ashamed or sad of who you are mate. I see nothing here but a guy who needs a shoulder to lean on, a guys whose got a huge future and enormous potential just from the way you post. I see a guy whos laugh and smile, whos integrity and courage, whos values and ability to love are overpowering. But I also see a guys whos inner voice has just missed the point a little. You see mate... being gay isnt who you are. It doesnt change you, dominate or weaken you. Its just another small part of you.

For now it seems so huge, so overbearing. It seems like theres nothing else in your life... but thats not the case mate... not by a long shot. And it wont always be that way. Theres a whole lot more to you than that... you;re a guy whos upfront and whos got courage in spades. A guy worth knowing and worth supporting. You are mate... a guy... just like the friends you find yourself surrounded by here.

Please mate pick up the phone and call your GP. Its something that all of us here want you to do... not only for yourself...but for us.

And then mate, after you've seen him/her, come back and let us know how you are doing ok? Promise ? We want to know... and we want to support you in whatever little way we can. Just because your worth it.

 

[confused01]

Hi everyone,
Thank you all for caring so much. I realize I should probably seek some professional help...
I'm not completely comortable with going to my university's psychologists though. I don't know if it's taken up in my general 'file' in university, and if they're doing something with it.
I've heard about a girl who had to stop her studies because they believed she was mentally too instable.
A friend of mine just graduated as a psychologist. I guess I'm going to have a talk with her. It's going to be hard, because she also knows all of my friends.
Anyway, I really want to thank you all for being so kind.
I also want to say sorry. Maybe I hurt your feelings by not wanting to accept myself being gay. It's only for me in personal though. I think it's great you all can live your lives out of the closet and you are all very nice persons; supporting someone you don't even know... thx all!
I'll keep you updated
Jay

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Jay,

Mate... no one here minds that you are struggling - theres certainly no feelings hurt thats for sure... hell thats what this place is for and what the guys here do so well in helping with. Here you are surrounded by friends and support no matter what.

It sounds like you've got a plan of attack sorted out... well done mate. You'll be surprised just how much easier it is when you can confide in someone, when you can release the words... and when you can get out of your own head. And dont worry about her telling your friends mate... if shes completed her course shell know the importance of confidentiality.

Good luck Jay with your meeting! Please do keep us informed!

 

[StlKj]

A friend of mine just graduated as a psychologist. I guess I'm going to have a talk with her. It's going to be hard, because she also knows all of my friends.

Jay, when you say she just graduated as a psychologist, what does that mean? Does that mean she just got her bachelors degree? Did she receive further training? I only ask because if she just got her bachelors degree, she may be knowledgeable on what is going on with you, but she is not going to be trained to help you like you might need it.

You don't talk about how much or how often you cut, nor do you talk about how long you've been engaging in this eating disorder. Both are highly addictive behaviors that are hard to stop if they have progressed for too long. Talking to your friend is a good start, but I fear it's not going to be enough. Seek trained help, please.

 

[rareboy]

You need an experienced therapist. If your friend is competent, she will help you find one.

You are on a collision course with disaster and need intensive mental health support. Your problems may be physiological in origin as well as behavioural. Eating disorders and cutting are just suicide by degree.

Your post is a first step. You realize you need help.

 

[G-Lexington]

Good to hear from you again. And good to hear you've got a "plan of attack". Do follow through. Your friend will either be able to tackle this herself, or else want to bring in somebody else. Do do do accept her decision on this. Just as sometimes your doctor will refer you to a "specialist" - someone who has more knowledge in a particular field, and is better qualified to treat you - so it is here. And as tallguy said, sometimes the mere fact of finally having someone to confide in can do wonders in removing the burden we feel.

Don't feel bad about possibly hurting our feelings. We all just want you to get to a better place. Hopefully, the place where a lot of us are - living great lives as out, openly gay men. Because I gotta tell you - it REALLY kicks ass over here.

Lex