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Torn in Between the Two

D

dahighest

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Let me make this sweet and simple:

I am a Black SGL man who has been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now. When me and my boyfriend were still getting to know each other, I met another guy. Both of them are sexy, but the second guy has that thug appeal that really gets me hot. So, me and my boyfriend made it offcial because he is more affectionate and relationship-oriented and I feel like I made the right choice with him. I told the more thuggish guy to stop calling me so I can develop my relationship with my bf. We stopped talking, but I see him about every month or so at house parties or at the club, and he continues to pursue me and tell me how bad he wants to be with me and how he knows I feel the same way for him. It's true, I do like him, but I love my bf as well. So, I see this guy again this weekend and we hang out for a while. I made out with him, but nothing more (just kissing, dry grinding, and heavy petting). He wanted more but I know when things are going a bit too far. We have an unusual chemistry. We decided to minimize our contact again and go on with our seperate lives, but I am afraid that I will see him again in a month or so and I will do it again. I know I won't have sex with him bc I am not that type of fella and bc I know that will only complicate things further. None of my friends can really give advice bc none of them have been in my shoes. I'm so torn. What's your take on this guys and how do you think I'm handling it? :confused:
 
In my humble opinion and for what it's worth, kissing, dry grinding and heavy petting are way beyond "too far". Instead of avoiding temptation, you stepped right into it.
This thug guy is the devil on your shoulder and is trying to seduce you. He now knows you are weak. If he truly cared for you, he wouldn't risk hurting you and the relationship you claim to want. Also, the truth is, you want him and I think you are more than half way to losing this battle.
I won't apologize if this seems a bit harsh, because you need to face the truth about everything: this thuggish guy, the man you say you love and most of all:YOURSELF. You have to ask yourself what you truly want.

One last thing: a loving, committed relationship is a rare thing. Another thug comes along ever other second.
 
sixthson said:
In my humble opinion and for what it's worth, kissing, dry grinding and heavy petting are way beyond "too far". Instead of avoiding temptation, you stepped right into it.
This thug guy is the devil on your shoulder and is trying to seduce you. He now knows you are weak. If he truly cared for you, he wouldn't risk hurting you and the relationship you claim to want. Also, the truth is, you want him and I think you are more than half way to losing this battle.
I won't apologize if this seems a bit harsh, because you need to face the truth about everything: this thuggish guy, the man you say you love and most of all:YOURSELF. You have to ask yourself what you truly want.

One last thing: a loving, committed relationship is a rare thing. Another thug comes along ever other second.
Click to expand...
I understand where you are coming from, but I do feel I deserve some credibilty. Several of my friends have seen the thuggish guy and have told me that I was strong to resist from having sex with him. They all said they would've had sex with him if they were in my shoes. Trust me when I say that he is extremely SEXY. I agree that he is the devil on my shoulder, but he hasn't taken away the one thing I could never get back from him. I have voluntarily stopped communicating with him for love of my boyfriend. I hope I can gain the strength to resist him should I run into him again in the future. Everyone puts their hand in the cookie jar at some time, but the smart ones know not to take take the cookie and consume it. I simply feel I nibbled on a crumb. I do realize my actions and I have learned a lesson from this.
 
The sad thing is it doesn't matter how hot he is. If you love your BF and you want a commited relationship with him than you have to break it of with the thug. Your BF might be temped by a guy every bit as hot as your thug. How would you want him to react??
 
>>>Everyone puts their hand in the cookie jar at some time, but the smart ones know not to take take the cookie and consume it.

Hey, you can draw the line wherever you want to on this. I know some guys who would say they were faithful because the other guy who fucked them wore a condom. Yeah, I guess it's good that you didn't go farther, but I don't think it's necessarily commendable just because "we didn't do more". And I just don't understand the "he's extremely sexy" justification. What does that mean, exactly? "It's OK, bf, it's not like I made out and dry humped with an UGLY guy."

My basic rule on cheating/not-cheating is this - do you want your boyfriend to know? If your boyfriend been standing there, would you have done it? If not, then you're probably cheating.

What can you do? Stop going in the kitchen where the cookie jar is. Stop going to these places where you're liable to run into him. If you do run into him, turn around and leave. If he's not there, the temptation won't be there.

Lex
 
Thank you all for your thoughts on the matter. I have come to my senses since earlier this weekend. I have once again stopped communicating with the "thug". You guys are definitely correct in your analysis of the situation. I think I was just memorized with the thug in a more physical sense. However, the "thug" shocked me a bit. He remembered things we discussed when we first met a year ago (like my birthday, favorite color, etc). I think that impressed me even more because we haven't talked in months, besides our small-talk when we ran into each other at parties. He kept constantly telling me that he wished he would've met me before my boyfriend did, because then things would be different. He did seem sincere, but it could all be his game. I think he sees me as a conquest that he feels he will eventually fulfill sooner or later. But, he has another thing coming because I am sticking it out with my boo. I feel that I was wrong in a sense, but I am also glad that I didn't let him have sex with me. I might've become sexually addicted to him and that would make matters even worse.
 
Hey dahighest,

Mate... theres a simple test that will always tell you when you have gone too far or nibbled or however you want to describe it...

Just ask yourself. Would I tell my boy friend what I am doing right now without hesitation??

And if the answer is no, then you crossed the line. Simple.

I'm glad you decided to avoid this guy mate... because you not only need to respect yourself but you have a guy who loves you that deserves the same.
 
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