Trouble getting an erection

[rob2477]

I posted this here because it involves me and my girlfriend.

We've tried to have sex 4 times in the past 2 weeks. we succeeded once. the reason we dont succeed is because, ill be fingering her and she'll be giving me a handjob, and ill be harder than a diamond. then we'll go to put it in, and it dies. i get it hard again, we try again, it dies again. (repeat infinite times)

she says its because we're not using a condom, so nothings wet, and because her vag is tight, and my dicks big(which i disagree with).

i feel like somethings wrong. any advice? dont be like "i think you might not like girls" or "sucks bro", i want legit advice. if its in the wrong section move it. it might be better suited in Health&Wellbeing.

any advice is appreciated.

her condom theory might be right, so we're going to try with a condom, but like im getting frustrated thinking i have a problem. i dont want to have to depend on a pill to have sex. im just like abfstaewgbasdftasdfg idk. please help.

sorry for rambling. thank you all in advance.

 

[Rule-Of-Thirds]

The next time you and her start to get it on, don't have sex as your goal. Just keep messing around and don't think about getting hard. I think these type of things happen to everyone from time to time. The more we think about it, the worse it gets. Perhaps you should let her take control a bit.

 

[rob2477]

let her take control how? like she gets on top.
if she gave me head i think itd help me keep my erection and lube up my dick to help get it in, but she thinks its gross.

 

[itsmeagain]

Sometimes you can be all revved up and it is like pfffft...Then it is like pressure, pressure, pressure....and it just makes it worse...Next time, go with a tingly or warming KY and make your goal NOT to put it in....then just zip it in there....You will see that Mr. Wiggley does have a mind of his own...Good luck...Also...no music or TV...the TV messes me up...

 

[Bi Married Male]

Sounds like performance anxiety...Happened to me twice in 20 years. With my wife. I always prefer to start getting a blow job to get it wet and hard. My wife is typically a little dry so once I am very hard, She squirts lots of lube on my cock and I finger her very well with the lube...There is nothing more pleasureable than sliding my cock in the velvet tunnel feeling of her wet pussy. I am also quite an oral expert and I really enjoy eating her out. I can eat pussy for hours if she would let me. I do that and put my forefinger in her pussy with a come here motion and it drives her clit nuts! Nothing compares to the feeling of fucking a pussy. I secretly enjoy sucking cock just as well but the two have such wonderful differences! It really just sounds like performance anxiety...keep trying and soon it will go away and you will enjoy the velvet.

 

[cklover]

It sounds to me like a medical problem. It's possible that the blood vessels in your cock are letting the blood slowly seep back into the rest of your body instead of sealing off like they should. I suggest you see your doctor and have him refer you to a proper specialist.

 

[lonnie1]

It's a mental problem, most likely. Something is signaling your brain that your dick should not go there. I know you don't want to hear this, but that happened to me until I admitted I was gay to myself.

 

[boxerdudeuk]

can't imagine a condom would help physically unless there's a potential pregnancy issue that's nagging you... but nonetheless i agree with the other guys... just take it easy and don't have any expectations.. just have fun and let whatever happen happen.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

rob i'm going to go ahead and move ya over to health. i think you'll get more responses.

 

[Kyanimal]

Well ... it's definitely NOT a Physical problem! You've said you get as HARD as a Diamond! Therefore, we KNOW that Everything works like it should!

However ... Sex is (at least) 90% (or more) Psychological! "Performance Anxiety" can kill the Hardest of Boners at the most inappropriate times! Any idea what you might be THINKING when you're supposed to be "going for the Gold"???

Have you, and your GF, been concerned about pregnancy recently? Are there other "issues" that might be undermining you?

These concerns may not seem to be at the forefront NOW. But, have there been "things" that you might have felt to be "troubling"??

Our brains are amazing! And, "unconscious" thoughts can "betray" us at the darndest times! And ... once that starts, once there's a "failure", the idea of possible Future "failure" can just add up to more Anxiety on top of it All!!

As contrary as it might sound ... RELAX!! Do Not THINK about "it"! ENJOY getting together! Let your MIND go Free! The "rest" will take care of itself!!

The main thing is ... and I Seriously do mean this ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[KaraBulut]

Does this happen in all positions? Does it happen only with vaginal intercourse but not with oral sex and handjobs?

 

[Telstra]

Well ... it's definitely NOT a Physical problem! You've said you get as HARD as a Diamond! Therefore, we KNOW that Everything works like it should!

However ... Sex is (at least) 90% (or more) Psychological! "Performance Anxiety" can kill the Hardest of Boners at the most inappropriate times! Any idea what you might be THINKING when you're supposed to be "going for the Gold"???

Have you, and your GF, been concerned about pregnancy recently? Are there other "issues" that might be undermining you?

These concerns may not seem to be at the forefront NOW. But, have there been "things" that you might have felt to be "troubling"??

Our brains are amazing! And, "unconscious" thoughts can "betray" us at the darndest times! And ... once that starts, once there's a "failure", the idea of possible Future "failure" can just add up to more Anxiety on top of it All!!

As contrary as it might sound ... RELAX!! Do Not THINK about "it"! ENJOY getting together! Let your MIND go Free! The "rest" will take care of itself!!

The main thing is ... and I Seriously do mean this ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

yeah, i can't get hard with a hot guy sometimes ......

Good advice.

 

[Kyanimal]

yeah, i can't get hard with a hot guy sometimes ......

Good advice.

That's only because I've been there, done that (or, rather, didn't do "that"), and have been in the same boat!

See my quote under my sig ...

And ... Yeah! ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Seasoned]

Do you think you have any guilt issues? Does she know you are bi and mess with guys? Do the guys know you have a girl? Why no condom?

 

[panda29]

try replacing your girlfriend with a boyfriend and see what happens ? LOL

 

[Deandbn]

I also think (actually KNOW) that it is perfomance anxiety. I had it myself previously.

As you yourself say, that you can get it up hard as a diamond, and its only when you want to put it in that it all goes wrong.

So I agree with the others in that you should just enjoy sex without the anxiety of having to screw her and you will probably become more self confident and not have these excessive expectations and you will find that eventually it will just work - like a diamond - as you say.

Have fun bud and dont be so serious about it and im sure it will work perfectly.

 

[3nipples]

Some more background information might help. Did you have previous experience with her or another girl before this when there weren't any problems or is this your first time?

What was different the one/four time that was ok? Which time was it, the first, last or in between?

My first guess would be anxiety, especially after the first failure, the next time you're under a lot more pressure.

Second guess is over thinking or guilt. Are you with this girl because you really like her or just because she's convenient and will let you and you're feeling a bit the heel... or afraid that things might get complicated if she ended up falling for you?

Are you shifting the position of your body when you go to insert?

The good news is that you can get an erection, so it's not a physical problem... so there's no need to worry, there will be great sex in your future

 

[bankside]

You get hard and stay hard in her hand. So your dick works. So let her give you a handjob, with her vag instead of her hand. Sound nuts? Let me explain:

This has been going on long enough, by the time you get down there you're worried about not being hard anymore, and expecting that you should be hard, so it's a classic case of nerves and you're thinking about how it will all go wrong instead of how good she's making your dick feel.

But when she grabs you in her hand, I bet you don't care if you start out soft, you would just let her play around and enjoy it until you're hard. With a hand job, you don't put any pressure on yourself or any expectations other than to enjoy what she's doing, so lo and behold it works; diamonds.

So, let her entertain you the same way with her crotch as she does with her hand. Instead of worrying about it or even thinking about it, decide that it is okay for your dick to go there while it is still soft.

I suggest just make out, face to face, grind together a little and let her groin do the work instead of her hands. Your dick will get hard when it needs to. (not when you want it to or when she does)