Turning 20 and kinda lost in life...

[jokn123]

Hi all Jubbers

Ive been on JUB for a long time, mostly looking at posts of other people in my same situation and the advice youve given them has helped me alot coming to terms with myself, so I wanted to start a thread explaining my situation im currently in and the troubles im having with finding a guy... lol

I was born in florida almost 20 years ago (birthday is on tuesday woot) well when i was 7 my parents divorced and i moved to Bogota, Colombia with my mom and my brother. At 13 i lost my virginity to my first girlfriend and had many girlfriends after but for some reason it always felt weird for me, i was accepted by society for being a player per se but for me it was never right. About two years ago i met a guy who flirted with me and ive never felt something so incredible... we had a great night (no sex, still a gay virgin jeje, well after this experience i was very scared of not being accepted so i totally ignored the guy who in the end made me realize who i am which im both very thankful for but also very dissapointed how i treated him. Well about 6 months ago i had my last girlfriend i tried to make it work but my feelings just werent there and in a relationship i want to give it my all but since i wasnt happy it just didnt happen. Well after we broke up i started asking myself questions, and after all the contemplating i knew i was gay, i came out to my brother, best friend and some other close people around me. Where i live being gay is not accepted at all we are a few hundred years past developed countries society wise, i wouldnt be scared to come out but i do have a big fear of rejection as alot of us do.... it felt so good to finally come out to some of the most important people in my life ( i still havent been able to tell my mom cause shes one of the biggest homophobes i know but thats not important at the moment.) I had alot of one night stands with women and right now im looking for something solid where i can be with a guy who actually cares about me there is just one problem lol....

A few weeks ago i took my dog to the vet cause he had to get surgery and there was a guy seating in the waiting room we started talking and im 100% sure he was gay, when i realized this i completely froze.... i lost all my ability of speech which really has never happened to me. the emotions going thru my body at that moment was incredible but sadly he gave me his name and i was so nervous i didnt give my name back, i felt like a complete ass.

I know he lives in my area but so far no luck in seeing him again ( i take my dog out all the time hoping ill see him again,...)

The other problem im having is Bogota is very limited in gay life in my opinion there are a couple of gay bars but im not really looking for sex, i do feel after all this time i want a relationship, i just dont know where to look... there used to be a couple of Colombians on this forum but when i finally joined they hadnt posted for more than 8 months or so.... Im just frustrated that i finally accepted myself and am ready for a relationship but i cant find it... This was alot of rambling i know but i just thought it would be nice to clear my thoughts in this post, thank you all for reading and any advice i could get would be great.....

Bye

 

[Tizinsane]

Yeah, I definitey know what you're going through. I just turned 20 and im totally lost in life, too.

 

[Lube]

Congratulations on coming out to yourself. You sound like a very "together" kinda guy.

I hate bars, too, but in your situation bars & the Internet may be your best bet. That, or joining organizations and doing hobbies that you like. Chances are you'll find like-minded guys.

 

[conrad]

Just on the basis of my own life experience I would hope that you would go slowly in defining your sexual orientation. My first sex was with another fifteen year old boy and that relationship lasted for the last two years of high school. I loved him then and I love him still although we have both married and have never cheated on our wives. I can't help but note that your experience with women did not ever include long-term relationship. That does make a difference.

I am happy in the knowledge that I have enjoyed fully sexual relationshps with both men and women, but always at different times, and always in committed and loving relationship.

And don't for one moment imagine that there are no potential partners in your area, both men and women. There is a nice word in our language, serendipity, and that, I believe was what made it possible for me to greet the dawning of my journey into the fullness of my sexuality with partners I never dreamed were right there in my small town. Lay aside your sense of lostness to the extent that you are truly able. Open your eyes and ears; it will surprise you what wonderful surprises are there if you are open to them.

I wish you the best.

 

[jokn123]

Its been a long time since i have posted and after reading this thread its amazing whats happened this past two months. One day on messenger a very close friend came out to me which gave me the confidence to come out to her...which in the end was one of the best decisions of my life. After all this happened she introduced me to many of her friends and the first night i met them i went head over heels over one guy, after almost being two months with him im secure about everything and i mean this as ive compltely fallen for him (so has he) which im happy about as its not a one sided relationship jeje. Ive never felt so much emotion for some person which can really show me that i am gay because with a girl i would never try.... Im actually very happpy... the relationship has become very real where ive been pushed to feel new things which before i never thought i could. All this experiance gave me the strength to come out to my mother which after all my thoughts before of her homophobia were proved wrong, she is very happy with me coming out to her... in the past our relationship has been very strong since my brother, her and I are very close but since ive come out to her we have become even closer.... its been amazing... in my opinion since i live in a country that gayness isnt very accepted ive limited myself to tell the people i consider important and should know the truth about me. In university four of my very closest friends know and they have been great.. our relationships have grown and i dont need to lie to them which to me feels very comfortable... these two months have been very impacting for me since ive noticed that not everybody (even tho i live in a very machista community) has been very accepting and love me for who i am... the people i have told have said similar comments saying that if i was gay, straight, or whatever that wouldnt change the person who i am and have always been... which in the end has helped me thru this process... a weight has been lifted off me since the people who should know, do know and having them around is very important.

I just wanted to give a kinda of update about my situation, even though to alot of you it doesnt matter.. its a huge pleasure talking to people that have had some sort of a same experiance as me or people who might go thru it, ive never felt happier than now, i finally feel comfortable with myself.... I wanted to thank everybodys post that i read to get me ready for everything i went thru... its been real helpful and i feel that anybody who is in a situation where they feel stuck, the people on here are always here to help... directly or indirectly... this website has made me feel like a person again who is accepting and happy with himself... so again i say to all of you who has helped me in a certain way..... Thank You!

 

[cityboi]

Congratulations on your relationship!

 

[Tizinsane]

That's fantastic! Congrats!!!!

 

[hhoiffk2004]

Congratulations!! im actually in your previous situation. i just turned 20 and i dont know what to do in life.