Typical dating problem

[Jelly123]

I'm normally a hard worker during the week and professed party animals during the weekend. What really breaks this down a bit is I'm recently started dating this banker guy. We had quite a bad history and all my friends hates the craps he has done to me. We talked last weekend and I felt this weight on my chest that I can't get off. I ended up confessed (also surrender to my feelings in the process) that I'm in love with him. This act leaves me VERY exposed since he's my only weakness now. We ended up meeting that night and tried to have a full on REAL date, had dinner, came back to his place, cuddle and just fell asleep. Next morning he made me breakfast, kiss me goodbye before going to work and send me back to sleep ( I'm 20, in college and on a break). This reinforces me in my decision so much I left him a love not and proposed to meet on Wednesday before he offs to Tokyo on a trip. That Wednesday was the longest day I have registered in my mind, I was completely disabled, not able to perform any decent feat. it went worse when he called around 3 and told me he's gonna work late and have to sort out a few things to prolly wont't be able to meet till 11ish or maybe lunch the next day would be better. I told him I'll come over around 11. I texted him around 10 asking if we were on schedule, he said it's dragging on (without reassurance). I went haywire and called him and texted him. We met around 12.45 and it scares me that I'm on my way back to destructiveville again. This is probably the core of our problems, he doesn't communicate enough and lack the sensitivity that makes me feel comfortable. Next morning I slept in and he came back around noon to pack, he was just talking but not enough affectionate acts. When we were in his car, I felt like I better of talking to his driver since he's on the phone sorting out his bank and didn't even try to talk to me.

Ever since I have this sense of anxiety of how irrelevant I am and how I'm gonna end up devastated again.

So yeah in a nutshell, I myself know that I should not be doing this but I'm too deep in now I can't get out so might as well seek a closure

 

[hylas]

i dont know what your question is, but the answer probably is "stop acting like a tool"

ok ok, nice version: "try to love yourself more"

welcome to jub!

 

[Cameron Haze]

yeah dude, hes just not that into you. im sure he thinks you are a great lay, but he's not gonna put a ring on it. but the good news is you are only 20 fucking years old dude! you have so much time to find love romance, etc. but we are young now, and we need to have fun! i would bet you are not the only guy he is "seeing" so while you are still young, and cute (assuming) you should be playing the field. you could prolly land 7 guys like him for each day of the week. dont sit around and act like a bitch. guys like guys who are a chase. maybe if you didnt act so desperate he would feel he needs you more. chill out, its not that serious, meet lots of guys have lots of safe sex, and have a good time!

 

[Jelly123]

i dont know what your question is, but the answer probably is "stop acting like a tool"

ok ok, nice version: "try to love yourself more"

welcome to jub!

Outside of the closed door, I'm every bit myself. I can't help but being his little boy behind that door tho.

I think you two are living different lives.

And even though you love him, there seems to be a lack of compatibility between the two of you. I would even risk to say that you are not mature enough for him.
How old is he?

I would not say we are leading 2 different lives, our social circles actually cross pretty often. We both are pretty busy on our own rights. He's 35 but I often would be the rational and responsible one of the relationship. It is often me that set my foot down and be the adult while he's just carefree and chilled most of the time. I'm mentally developed, me and his maturity are just around the same range, if I do say so myself. There are many things he would lead and things I would call the shot.

I however would say our professional life is quite a big gap. I'm 20, still in school and work enough to keep myself afloat. He's quite established and has many many catchy distractions in his life. While I have quite a network within the hospitality industry, I can run into him at the same work function, event or cocktail party and appear not any less important than he is, I lack the "real" professional life he has.

yeah dude, hes just not that into you. im sure he thinks you are a great lay, but he's not gonna put a ring on it. but the good news is you are only 20 fucking years old dude! you have so much time to find love romance, etc. but we are young now, and we need to have fun!

I did that when I was younger and honestly, sex only does so much good for me. I guess socializing with older group of professional worker has certain impacts on your acts.

i would bet you are not the only guy he is "seeing"

I for once wouldn't worry about him seeing other guys.

so while you are still young, and cute (assuming) you should be playing the field. you could prolly land 7 guys like him for each day of the week. dont sit around and act like a bitch. guys like guys who are a chase. maybe if you didnt act so desperate he would feel he needs you more. chill out, its not that serious, meet lots of guys have lots of safe sex, and have a good time!

Well I did put up quite a chase for the last 6 months and he kept on coming back. Deep down I have always been in love with the guy so it does toy with me as much as it toys with him. Laying everything down on the table is what I would consider the step to take at this point.
Truthfully, you sound like me giving out advice to my friends. Maybe I should start taking my own advice haha

 

[Brian Smith]

Fuck age difference. My man is 72, and I'm 29. It's the opposite for us. He's the "needy" partner in the relationship with me tending to become absorbed in my interests, and our relationship has gotten to where it is sound enough. However, that is only after two years of struggling to sort out our boundaries and work out our peace treaties. It really has taken two years to get to where we hardly ever fight. It took us a lot of work and negotiation, but I reject the idea that age is a deal-killer for a relationship. I find our relationship very satisfying.

You are just going to have to accept that you are the "needy" partner in the relationship. That is the long and the short of it. It's not that he doesn't care for you, but you are the more anxious and solicitous of the two of you. It is a difficult situation to be in. You are going to have to decide for yourself whether you can accept this or not. It is a burden, and it would take you years to become acclimated to that role. My man and I managed it in two, and I think that's pretty good. If you can't manage that, then, for God sake, break up with him now rather than breaking his heart later.

If you really want to sort out where to go in the relationship, though, talk to him. You might talk to him and decide that it is your mutual best interests to break up, or you might talk to him and manage to get across to him that you feel neglected and maybe get better consideration. Either way, keeping your feelings from your lover can only hurt both of you. He cannot do his part in the relationship if you are not giving him a full deck of cards. He can't even tell if he ought to consider folding and seeking greener pastures, thereby liberating you to find a more attentive lover. For the love of holy Christ, communicate. That's the only way you can either save this relationship or get out of it before you destroy each other's lives.

 

[altlover85]

I would talk to him, but be aware that you may have to move on. I don't know if you two are really at compatible stages of life right now.

 

[Seasoned]

Anxiety is self-destructive. If you can't get it under control it doesn't matter how much you love him or think you love him. The question to ask yourself is do you want to be with him or do you need to be with him? Needing to stay in a relationship as opposed to wanting to stay is a sign of insecurity. The best relationships are voluntary with equal or near equal emotional commitment, two whole people forming a third entity, namely, the relationship.

 

[-Kane-]

After reading your post, I remembered how I felt about the first guy I fell in love with back in college. He was 5yrs older than I, and I was more into him than he was in me. Looking back I can say that It affected my self esteem greatly. I never realized how much a lopsided relationship can damage a person mentally and spiritually. He left me with baggage and memories of heartache and disappointment. It took me years to regain a sense of who i trully was, and more importantly, what my self worth consisted of..

Do yourself a favor, and walk away from this guy. I'm sure he means you no harm, but from what I've read, the two of you are not quite ready for each other....you may never be!

 

[TX-Beau]

If you can't help being his "little boy," frankly - and he may be into that kind of thing, but that would be a huge turn off for me. I want a man, not a child I have to raise. You might try being a little more emotionally independent and less dramatically inclined.

 

[Jelly123]

If you can't help being his "little boy," frankly - and he may be into that kind of thing, but that would be a huge turn off for me. I want a man, not a child I have to raise. You might try being a little more emotionally independent and less dramatically inclined.

That's what I think as well, he is way up there in life while I'm just starting mine. We definitely have something since we keep on coming back to each other, that's why I'm still trying even though it's quite energy draining.

But who knows, we might be on the verse of off again since I'm wishing that he would forget to call me so I wouldn't have to bother

 

[borg69unimatrix]

You said he's a banker, and flying to Tokyo for business.

From what it sounds like to me, he's one of those high ranking people who are just used to giving orders to people, and them doing what they're told, no questions asked. A good example of this would be to watch "Pretty Woman", and take note of the Richard Gere role.

It doesn't mean he doesn't have a heart... it just means he's careful whom he shows it to. Gotta keep that hard edge image going at all times!

 

[TX-Beau]

That's what I think as well, he is way up there in life while I'm just starting mine. We definitely have something since we keep on coming back to each other, that's why I'm still trying even though it's quite energy draining.

But who knows, we might be on the verse of off again since I'm wishing that he would forget to call me so I wouldn't have to bother

Well that's not what I was getting at - if this situation is what you say it is, you don't come across as emotionally mature enough to sustain a relationship anyway, and perhaps you might want to just be a young person for awhile before you start stressing yourself to death over something like this.

 

[Jelly123]

It doesn't mean he doesn't have a heart... it just means he's careful whom he shows it to. Gotta keep that hard edge image going at all times!

One friend of mine mentioned this last Saturday since she somewhat empathized his way. Basically he was saying them Aussie generally have a harder time expressing their feelings or he could be just purposely pushing me away.

you don't come across as emotionally mature enough to sustain a relationship anyway, and perhaps you might want to just be a young person for awhile before you start stressing yourself to death over something like this.

Unfortunately, I'm very very out of touch with the gay community here so while I do my own things, I don't come across guys. Deep down, maybe I really want that young life but I'm too socially far away from it now....

 

[Jelly123]

Btw, just broke up with him