Unattainable expectations?

[luminum]

Congrats on accepting your sexuality. It might be daunting, but if you ever want to talk about it (like in this thread) feel free to do so and we'll give yo our best advice.

To answer your question, yes. Your vision is skewed.

Consider it like this:

Gay media has been exploited to look like the gay lifestyle covers two things: fashion and rediculous amounts of sex.

But, heterosexual media has just as much if not more sex, though it's tempered by classic portrayals of romantic commitment.

You only get this idea that being gay is just about sex-fests because that's all that's been portrayed.

I mean, think about it. Why would gay marriage be such a hot-button issue and why would gay people fight so hard for it if all they want is to have orgies and hollow relationships? We love just like anyone else.

I think it's just easier for other people to point out all the meaningless sex that homosexuals have than explore how diverse and complex our relationships are. I don't look at all the girly porn on the Internet or all the "Girls Gone Wild" commercials playing on 5 channels at the same time and think that heterosexuals just care about sex.

So what you hope for isn't out of the ordinary and it's certainly obtainable when you're gay. I hope for the same things, and if you keep your ears (well, eyes) open on this forum, you'll see that there are also a lot of guys who want committed, intimate, emotional relationships, too.

 

[Smitho]

Congratlations on accepting your sexuality, and don't worry the majority of out gay people are in the steady / stable relationships you descibe, the same as str8's. Unfortunalty for the media these relationships are boring and therefore side rarely seen, in exchange for the crazy lifestyle often portrayed, but don't worry they are out there.

 

[tonysw]

Oh!!! wouldn't it be loverly.

Best wishes, exercise judgment and caution. People are not just what we want
"off the rack".

Be excited about it all and live well.

 

[stormofswords921]

luminum is way right definitely.

think of all the str8 dudes u know that just want to fuk as many girls as possible and never commit. there is always going to be people like that no matter gay/str8/bi, it's just part of the diversity of people. u can go to any dating site or myspace or facebook or right here on JUB and find guys who are looking for, or have already found, what you described.

go to blockbuster and rent Queer as Folk. That show does a great job of contrasting the differences you will find in the gay community. there is "man-whores", "queens", "twinks", and just average guys who happen to be gay. there's one nite stands, committed relationships, love, hate, regular life. O and don't forget the lesbians! it's good stuff, at least IMO.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>What I have in my mind is a faithful, committed, monogamous relationship with a guy around my age. We would be emotionally close, physically close, and spend lots of time together. We would explore each others body, and learn what each other likes. We would care, love, support, cherish and protect one another. We would do little cute things for each other to show how much we care. We would compromise. We would be a normal, healthy partnership.

If all you need is one example to show that it's possible, let me be your example. I'd say my b/f and I fit your description about 95%. (One counter-example, I don't know if we spend "lots" of time together - we have one day off a week with each other, and one day off a week alone. But we spend most evenings together, too.) And keep in mind, there will always be issues that need to be dealt with, and minor arguments and even fights along the way. But we're monogamous, still in love, and about to enter our second decade together. And I've never been happier in my life.

Lex

 

[Rockhard]

When I look at the gay lifestyle, sometimes I think that all I see is orgies, fetish's, anonymous sex, one night stands, meaningless hookups, sluttiness and unfaithful relationships. Is my view skewed? Or are the chances of a healthy, monogamous gay relationship unrealistic and unattatinable?

Wow, yes I'd say it is skewed. That doesn't describe my lifestyle at all, not that of any of my closest friends.

You get the type of lifestyle and relationship you, yourself, engineer. If you don't like the scenes you described above, make sure you don't get in them. There are more gay people like you, than like the scenes you mentioned (especially as one gets older). Believe me--if you don't like those things, you're in the MAJORITY, not the minority. Remember, the majority of home-body long-lasting gay couples are not slutting around and being fools. They're home watching a movie, going out to dinner, and concentrating on their careers. That lifestyle, in itself, is not very newsworthy, there are no You Tubes about it, and it's not a feature magazine article. It just is.

Good luck to you.

 

[Blueyes]

Oh!!! wouldn't it be loverly.

would that be....My Fair Lady ?

uh oh, broadway...no it couldnt be..... i must be...GAY!


edit: sorry for going off topic, i have had similar thoughts as the OP i hope to find a good stable relationship myself like the one you initially described

 

[Rand]

So, what I want to know is, is the idea that I have in my head what the gay lifestyle really is accurate? Or am I just dreaming up impossibilities...

What I have in my mind is a faithful, committed, monogamous relationship with a guy around my age. We would be emotionally close, physically close, and spend lots of time together. We would explore each others body, and learn what each other likes. We would care, love, support, cherish and protect one another. We would do little cute things for each other to show how much we care. We would compromise. We would be a normal, healthy partnership.

Arden,

Life is what you make of it - if you are patient, work towards your goals, and communicate with others, you have a great chance. Knowing that the divorce rate is around 50% amoungst the hetros, don't expect the gays to be a lot better.

You may be very mature at 18, but that might not be the case for a lot of those around you. What you are looking for may take some time - enjoy the journey, make friends and take care.

Rand

 

[yuty]

Congrats on accepting your sexuality. It might be daunting, but if you ever want to talk about it (like in this thread) feel free to do so and we'll give yo our best advice.

To answer your question, yes. Your vision is skewed.

Consider it like this:

Gay media has been exploited to look like the gay lifestyle covers two things: fashion and rediculous amounts of sex.

But, heterosexual media has just as much if not more sex, though it's tempered by classic portrayals of romantic commitment.

You only get this idea that being gay is just about sex-fests because that's all that's been portrayed.

I mean, think about it. Why would gay marriage be such a hot-button issue and why would gay people fight so hard for it if all they want is to have orgies and hollow relationships? We love just like anyone else.

I think it's just easier for other people to point out all the meaningless sex that homosexuals have than explore how diverse and complex our relationships are. I don't look at all the girly porn on the Internet or all the "Girls Gone Wild" commercials playing on 5 channels at the same time and think that heterosexuals just care about sex.

So what you hope for isn't out of the ordinary and it's certainly obtainable when you're gay. I hope for the same things, and if you keep your ears (well, eyes) open on this forum, you'll see that there are also a lot of guys who want committed, intimate, emotional relationships, too.

Agreed. Look at the African-American media. The way they inaccurately portray African-American romance, it seems highly improbable to have a marriage that won't end in divorce, prostitution, gang violence, drug abuse or the occassional baby mama drama....

 

[yuty]

Thanks guys you've all been very, very helpful, let me assure you.

And I can see now how right you guys are. But, that being said, even as I roam around here on JUB, I'm constantly bombarded by a bunch of gay porn across the top of my screen. Don't get me wrong, we all enjoy a bit of porn now and then. But some of the images being displayed are really quite disgusting. If you go on a forum for heterosexual men, I doubt you'll find the same amount of porn. Why is that?

Oh by the way, don't expect love at 18 years old. Gay or straight, it's not gonna happen.

At that age, the only thing you can expect is an immature relationship that will either sink or explode violently or random hookups with people in other residence halls.

That's it.

Relationships at such a young age simply do not last.

 

[stormofswords921]

porn is an 8-10 billion dollar a year industry. majority of that is very very str8. so yea u'd see that on str8 sites too.

 

[Ninja108]

Your visions are skewed but that's not surprising. No media, gay or straight wants to potray the happy couples. They want the couples or people who have as much sex as possible. It's not only possible but it does happen. Me and my finace are both 21 and we're engaged. Don't worry and go out there!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey ArdenBoy,

Its late I know...but welcome to JUB!!!!

And like the other guys have said... congratulations on your acceptance of yourself... its so great to see young guys make that decision and get on with your life with nothing holding you back...

Arden... as a fellow Australian I can tell you the media here does skew our vision to think all gays guys are promiscuous and that the only life style that can be lead as a gay man is one of meaningless sex, multiple partners, hook ups and a severe lack of respect for themselves and others. Hell some nights you could be forgiven for thinking that the only gays in Australia are flag waving, wig wearers...

Mate... what you'll learn especially here with JUB and in society in general is that guys like you exist everywhere. With the same beautiful beliefs, the same desires that you have, the same wants and needs that you crave.

We like any group in society are a diverse rich tapestry of guys n gals who are individual free thinkers... some do represent the culture that the media pick up on for sure but there are huge numbers of guys quietly going about there lives with the support and understanding of loving partners in committed relationships.

You are far from the odd one out ... and your values morals and integrity would not only be respected but loved by a huge number of guys right across the world let alone our society here.

Just remember mate, we're just another group in the community. We have amazing guys like you amongst us, we have footy players, builders, singers, truck drivers, electricians, mine workers, nurses, teachers.... all different, all varied and all diverse. We're young and we're old. Sit in the mall and watch people walk by... at anyone time all the people you could see could be gay.

Its a hard thing to learn sometimes but we're individuals, we're unique. We don't fit stereotypes.

And who ever you want in your life will exist... if you can imagine him, hes there.

Just don't stop looking till you find him. Dont lower your awesome standards or expectations. Dont settle or feel pressured to change.

Because Arden guys like you help the rest of us break the very moulds and stereotypes you speak of!