unattractive best friend turned fine best friend who has sex with old women and fat women and turns out is a bottom gay guy

[kinggarza]

unattractive best friend turned fine best friend who has sex with old women and fat women and turns out is a bottom gay guy.
Ok he was my new fat unattractive latino friend, who was supposidly str8, he loses his weight and becomes a hottie and he hit on me the first couple times we stayed overnight at my house wen we were messed up but i was too nervous and respected our new friendship so after 4 attempts he treats me like scum of the earth, oh yeah and he has a girlfriend who is a tommboy and he supposidly is all in love with her, but over time we become mess around buddies he only lets me suck his dick and he lifts up his legs so i can eat him out and over time this happens everynow and then and we are both in love, and he admits he likes dick but never sucks my dick and would never let me fuck him, but 2 years later i learn all them times i was just supposted to fuck him on my own and not ask, and now im stuck in love and he fucks hella women out there and whoever else, and he just dont hardly come around anymoe and we were so in love...wat should i do?? he never sucks my dick and never openly says or acts like he wants me to fuck him and he is a big ol bottom...my homegirl said he is in the business of "MInd-fucking" ppl, he gets off on mind fucking ppl as opposed to getting of with sex....anyone ?? anyone have advice??

 

[KaraBulut]

...my homegirl said he is in the business of "MInd-fucking" ppl, he gets off on mind fucking ppl as opposed to getting of with sex....anyone ??

Sounds like your homegirl has a clear-eyed view of the situation.

....anyone have advice??

Stop blaming the entire situation on him. You're the one who has allowed this situation with your best friend to get to this point and you're the one with the power to stop it.

So stop it.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm not really sure what's going on with you, it appears you think this guy is in love with you, or that you were in love with him? All the while he's a big ole slut?

I'm with Kara, it takes two trains to make a train-wreck, and if you decided not to participate, there would be no issue.

 

[Seasoned]

One problem a lot of people have is believing words and excusing actions. Nothing has really changed with this guy, but you have. Your eyes are now wide open. Don't try making sense of what he says or doesn't say, does or doesn't do. It seems as if you've outgrown him and that makes you healthier than you were when you met him.

 

[kinggarza]

thank you so much for all your advice i wish to hear more from anyone, its just i hate it, i care about him as a best friend its just it really sucks, cuz now its like he only comes over like once every 4 months and I know all he does 24/7 is fuck nasty women and men, and its just so hard to see him in person come over after that long wen we were best friends and lovers and it just makes me mad that i cared so much for him, and i still do, i hate that he never had a mom or dad in his life and was molested by men and women and teens in his family since age 6, wen his grandmother was away at work they all took advantageg of him, knowing he would never know his dead mom and his long gone dad. but sadly enough he has used sex as a weapon and used it on me and that sucks cuz i thought we were in on our little joke about me and him being str8 guys and doing wat we do even wen his baby momma called. it sucks knowing that 27/7 and all them months gone he was with so many different ppl. and i guess i will take your advice, i will stop it and just be friends with him and move on as i have so many times. it seems better if he just stayed gone forever, i mean come on, how the hell you gonna come back 4 months later and argue, then not satisfy completely each other during sex, and come back 32 or three months later and all the while never calling or texting or anything. thats so fucked up. he's so messed up.

 

[KaraBulut]

... i hate that he never had a mom or dad in his life and was molested by men and women and teens in his family since age 6, wen his grandmother was away at work they all took advantageg of him, knowing he would never know his dead mom and his long gone dad. but sadly enough he has used sex as a weapon and used it on me and that sucks cuz i thought we were in on our little joke about me and him being str8 guys and doing wat we do even wen his baby momma called...

At lot of decent people had shitty childhoods.

And a lot of people who had shitty childhoods use their past to manipulate people.

Behind so many of these messed up people who use other people is a group of codependent people who enable their behavior. Among the traits of the codependent enablers:

• Taking responsibility for someone else’s actions.
• Worrying or carrying the burden for others’ problems.
• Covering up to protect others from reaping the consequences of their poor choices.
• Doing more than is required at your job or at home to earn approval.
• Feeling obligated to do what others expect without consulting one’s own needs.
• Manipulating others’ responses instead of accepting them at face value.
• Being suspicious of receiving love, not feeling “worthy” of being loved.
• In a relationship based on need, not out of mutual respect.
• Trying to solve someone else’s problems, or trying to change someone.
• Life being directed by external rather than internal cues (“should do” vs. “want to do”).
• Enabling someone to take our time or resources without our consent.
• Neglecting our own needs in the process of caring for someone who doesn’t want to care for themselves.

The advice you've been given to rid yourself of this person is the appropriate advice. However, you might want to take into consideration your own enabling of this guy's behavior so that a) you don't feel sorry for him and repeat this same enabling behavior and b) so that you don't replace one user with another user in the near future.

 

[kinggarza]

At lot of decent people had shitty childhoods.

And a lot of people who had shitty childhoods use their past to manipulate people.

Behind so many of these messed up people who use other people is a group of codependent people who enable their behavior. Among the traits of the codependent enablers:

• Taking responsibility for someone else’s actions.
• Worrying or carrying the burden for others’ problems.
• Covering up to protect others from reaping the consequences of their poor choices.
• Doing more than is required at your job or at home to earn approval.
• Feeling obligated to do what others expect without consulting one’s own needs.
• Manipulating others’ responses instead of accepting them at face value.
• Being suspicious of receiving love, not feeling “worthy” of being loved.
• In a relationship based on need, not out of mutual respect.
• Trying to solve someone else’s problems, or trying to change someone.
• Life being directed by external rather than internal cues (“should do” vs. “want to do”).
• Enabling someone to take our time or resources without our consent.
• Neglecting our own needs in the process of caring for someone who doesn’t want to care for themselves.

The advice you've been given to rid yourself of this person is the appropriate advice. However, you might want to take into consideration your own enabling of this guy's behavior so that a) you don't feel sorry for him and repeat this same enabling behavior and b) so that you don't replace one user with another user in the near future.

thanks that helps a lot but still is sucks caring for this person, this person actually dont use his past to do this to me, he already knws i feel sorry for him tho and you are right about all of what you said thanks a lot, i really thank you for reals!! gosh, i never want to go thru this again.

 

[truszgold]

Just out of curiosity what iin the hell can anyone tell you to fix that traiin wreck. I almost lughed because apparently you think there is a magic answer.