Uneasy Feeling

[jeffhardylover8472]

As some of you may know, I've spent the last few months trying to form a band. Just last month, I met up with a couple of guitarists and they seem to know their stuff and they sound pretty good. I admit, they were kinda good-looking, but I just telling myself that I wasn't doing it for that.

Just last night, I was hanging out with one of them again, just singing, listening to music, and just talking in general. He was pretty drunk, so I wasn't sure what to believe and what not to believe. He sat next to me and said that he wanted to ask me something personal. He wanted to know if I was at all interested in women, and, after a few seconds of hesitation, I just told him the truth. He said that he had a feeling when he first met me. He mentioned his girlfriend a few times, so I'm assuming he's straight, but as stated, he was drunk and I wasn't too sure what to believe. I ended up shaking for the rest of the night. I wasn't ready to say anything to either of them and I still feel a bit uneasy about discussing it.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

So you're uncomfortable because he asked if you were gay?

 

[jeffhardylover8472]

^I just didn't wanna discuss it with him or the other guy til the time was right. After all, I literally just met these people. Besides, there were a few moments where I actually thought he was gonna make a move.

 

[Seasoned]

I'd welcome the fact that you're out to him no matter how it happened. It now removes the awkwardness should he join the band.

 

[jeffhardylover8472]

^Actually, it seems he's in the same boat I'm in as for trying to start one.

 

[Rolyo85]

I think that from a certain age on it becomes increasingly difficult to start anything with new people based on the closet. It kinda flies when you're in high school/college, but if you want to start a band with someone, you gotta be open with them, and you all have to be on the same page.

When the guy I was supposed to be living with this year bailed in the last second and I had to find a new roommate through CL, the first thing I told the few guys I met in person was that I was gay and that it has to not be a problem if we're gonna live together.

There's nothing to "discuss" about it. You're gay, you want to start a band with these people. It's not about sex, it's about making music together. They need to know you're gay and to be ok with it, or it won't work. But for them to be ok with it, it has to be a non-issue for you.

 

[altlover85]

I agree with Rolyo85 on this. Ultimately, for there to be work on something as creative and I would assume as personal as music there needs to be trust. I can understand where you're coming from and perhaps he was acting a little strange, but at least for now you are on the same page. He knows you're gay.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Let time tell you what it needs to. Based on what you've told us, it sounds like he did you a favor.

Good luck to all of you!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Jeffhardylover8472,

Great to read you were so brave to tell him the truth. So now you are out to him and it seems to me that it was not too much a big surprize for him that you are not interested in 'girls'.

So you don't have a girlfriend and you don't talk about 'girls' (even avoid this topic when talking with guys?) and you are of an age (25 or so?) that people might wonder why this is the case. Likely (?) not too difficult for this fellow guitarist to ask this particular question?

I fully agree with other posters that its much, much better to be open in such circumstances. Does not mean that you must immediately tell all people that you are gay, but also no need to hide (or things like that). So please don't worry too much about the way how is was done. Likely (?) he is aware that a certain amount of guys is gay? Its not a huge secret that alot of musicians are open gays.

Being open and relaxed to your fellow guitarists will also mean that you soon don't need to bother anymore if other musicians are aware that you are gay. You just assume that they know that you are gay (so indicate to your fellow guitarists that you don't hide that you are gay). Indeed, the fellow guitarist 'told' you that he is straight, by mentioning that he has a girlfriend.

Good luck and please don't worry too much. Please keep us informed.