Unsure on what to do?

[Aussieboii]

Hi
So I've got rather confusing decision to make. I'll give you guys the details and let me know of any advice or idea you think about.
So I'm 19 and people think I'm straight, though I was rather questioned growing up by other student in high-school.
Now I've always found myself physically attracted to males, but not emotionally, recently I've found myself liking guys emotionally.
The other side is I think girls can be hot but I don't sexually think about girls, but I do romantically if that makes sense. Ive never done anything with either male or female.
I'm also catholic. Which is the other confusing part. I want to grow up an get married and have kids, and have always pictured myself with a wife and never a husband. I believe I could be with a guy in a relationship but feel for some reason i keep thinking I'd grow out of it. ?
I'm also said I'd wait Til marriage to have sex. ?
So I guess I'm bisexual in some way.?

All my friends Think I'm straight, but think I'm very catholic because I don't speak about girl or look at them, but really it's because I'm not sexually attracted to them.
Growing up as a kid I was raised by my mum and sisters, my dad and brothers didnt really do much, and All my friends are girls basically have been my whole life, I have guy friends but I struggle to get along with them.
And I think I'm starting to think because Of that, it's affected who I am now. ?

From reading this what do you guys think?
Keep my gay side hidden because of my religion and my emotional connection with females or do you think there needs to be physically attraction as well?
And advice or even just a take on my sexuality and what you think about it?

-sorry for any mistakes, wrote this on my phone.

 

[wikke1]

Hello

I don't believe in the theory that you can "become gay" by your upbringing, or your friends (male or female).
You just develop your sexuality, and it was (imo) Always there "in the bud", even as a child.

Now as to being Catholic and gay, I know what it's like, I fit both criteria.

Me personally, I had the "luck" that my Catholic family (parents and even grandparents) reacted very positively to my coming out.
I finally came out at age 27 ( ! ) and I regret not doing it sooner, but I have to accept it, I simply wasn't ready earlier in my life.

Being emotionaly more connected to women doesn't mean you're "not gay". Quite the contrary, I would say.
You might be BI, I wouldn't know. I for one, knew "deep down" that I was never BI, always gay.

I can only encourage you to come out and be hounest with yourself and the rest of the world.
No matter how hard it is (and I know how difficult it is, as do most people here!), your life will be better after coming out, trust me.
But you have to do it at your own terms, in your own time. Speaking for myself though, you need to sometimes keep "confronting yourself", like say those words in the mirror "I'm gay". Untill you might even start crying, just to break up that wall you've built aroun you.

I wish you all the very best, and this video might be worth looking at. Really. GELOGE posted it last week in another thread. I think it's great. Especially for those of us who are raised in a religious environment.

 

[Aussieboii]

Thanks guys.

One think I'm certain off, is that my family and friends will be okay will it. I know people have already thought about me being gay and have already accepted it, so I dont think it would be a surprise, I believe they're just waiting for me to tell me.

I actually dont have a single gay/bi person in my life, I know people who are but I am not directly associated with them. My Family isnt Catholic, its just me so Im not really worried about the coming out part. Its more is it the right decision?

After watching the video posted, helped me realised that things aren't as clear as what they are in the bible, and that things are outdated.

One thing I agree with and have thought about many times is, is that I don't want to get married with a woman and then realise that i'm not in love with her, which yous have pointed out. I think my lack of experience with both genders I don't really know which I like, until I was to try. I feel I am Bi though, I know Im when I see guys I like them, but I get this weird feeling when I see a girl as well.

Funny that you mention the tell myself i'm gay in the mirror. I do quite the opposite for some reason, I find myself thinking about it and speaking to myself trying to convince myself that I'm not gay, and even if I was its wrong and God is testing me, that I like woman as well and I shouldn't act on it.
I don't believe being gay is a sin, I believe having sex that doesn't lead to the creation of a child as a sin, which is where my struggle comes into, Since i was young I always said I would wait for marriage, not because of my religion but just because I felt it was the right thing to do.

Im thinking of telling my best friend, She wont care but I feel that once I'm out I cant go back and thats my struggle.
Im not unhappy with who I am at the moment.

 

[wikke1]

Thanks guys.

One think I'm certain off, is that my family and friends will be okay will it. I know people have already thought about me being gay and have already accepted it, so I dont think it would be a surprise, I believe they're just waiting for me to tell me.

I actually dont have a single gay/bi person in my life, I know people who are but I am not directly associated with them. My Family isnt Catholic, its just me so Im not really worried about the coming out part. Its more is it the right decision?

After watching the video posted, helped me realised that things aren't as clear as what they are in the bible, and that things are outdated.

One thing I agree with and have thought about many times is, is that I don't want to get married with a woman and then realise that i'm not in love with her, which yous have pointed out. I think my lack of experience with both genders I don't really know which I like, until I was to try. I feel I am Bi though, I know Im when I see guys I like them, but I get this weird feeling when I see a girl as well.

Funny that you mention the tell myself i'm gay in the mirror. I do quite the opposite for some reason, I find myself thinking about it and speaking to myself trying to convince myself that I'm not gay, and even if I was its wrong and God is testing me, that I like woman as well and I shouldn't act on it. I don't believe being gay is a sin, I believe having sex that doesn't lead to the creation of a child as a sin, which is where my struggle comes into, Since i was young I always said I would wait for marriage, not because of my religion but just because I felt it was the right thing to do.

Im thinking of telling my best friend, She wont care but I feel that once I'm out I cant go back and thats my struggle.
Im not unhappy with who I am at the moment.

Trust me, I understand all this very very well.
What you are doing, trying to convince you're someone who you are not, trying to hope for some miraculous change, dwelling in a guilty feeling really is NOT the way to go.
I don't want to force you into doing anything, and also applaud you for being this "far" already at the age of 19.
I can only hounestly say that you should keep going on this path of reading about it, talking about it, and slowly accepting.
Because if you don't, and you keep "talking in the mirror" as you're doing now, it will only get harder.
Really, I could know ...
ALL THE BEST!

 

[mc7777]

A lot of great advice thus far. I think you are becoming more self aware as you are asking yourself the tough questions. It appears to me that your faith is playing a major part of your thoughts (Duh MC7777! lol). There is all kinds of gay Catholics, Christians, etc. I admire and respect your faith as I am a conservative. You can always read up and study the being gay and religious stuff as you go.

The other part I conclude is that you have the famous (as did I) internalized homophobia, a view and perception of how gay people should and shouldn't be, and you have conceptualized it according to how you want it to be, and not want it to be.

Both of these two areas do go hand in hand. As far as going forward if you can't say it to yourself in the mirror, I say then ask yourself what if you were gay? Then what? Like with the religious stuff I encourage you to look deeper into yourself. These are not the inner voices of Satan or God testing you (what if god wasn't testing but guiding you?), but your internal dialogue speaking to you. While considering this, ask yourself how are you going to make yourself happy going forward. What do you want in life, how can you get it, even as a gay man? (I.E. I want children... Answer, I can adopt a child that doesn't have any parents, that could use a Dad with grounded moral faith based principles.)

I guess personally I think it would be cool to see a guy life yourself be part of the already religious gay men out there and help other gay men reconcile their concerns with faith. You can be part of the voice that says, "come let us reason together." Also, if my tone may be assuming or otherwise asserting you are 100% gay (you did mention you thought perhaps bi) I am just speaking theoretically and not trying to bash or label you. I hope any of my insight your find helpful and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Aussieboii]

Thanks, The advice is great.

I realising through reading this I've definitely come to realise I know Im not straight which I've been trying to convince myself I am.
Im Bi.

Ignoring the coming out and the catholic side, this might sound so stupid but I feel that Im young and have no experience I've got this fear of the Womens body, Ive been brought up to respect and to not think sexually about it, and having all the female friends and my mother and sister, I was strict to that. So much so that I dont have that for men, I feel that I would be comfortable with them because Im comfortable with myself. Which is why im unsure if its right to come out.
I feel that at the moment in life my struggle is I get this emotional connection with women and want to be in a relationship with them, I can see myself marrying them. and cannot see myself being with a man long term. I sound like im completely opposite now, but at the same time, Do i want to come out, get into a relationship down the line and then say "i dont feel this way anymore" and hurting him. I know that you guys saying coming out is good but for my personally I think its wrong, Im not unhappy that people dont know, and I wouldn't change how I act or who I am, Its not stopping me from being myself. Maybe one day I'll start to feel that way about women too .

I know its sound ridiculous, its hard to get what I exactly feel in words.

 

[Seasoned]

As someone who was married to a woman, has two kids and has been with my husband for thirty years, the best I can do is share the main lesson of my life. Being authentic to your inner self is the best way to realize your ambitions and dreams and won't take advantage or manipulate others. I'm a gay Catholic and was married to my husband in an Episcopal church.

Be yourself; everything else will fall into place.