Unwanted Same-Sex Attraction

[Fireballs]

Well, I know you guys get posts constantly with people bitching about their problems so I apologize in advance and will keep it as short as possible. I've been struggling with same-sex attraction since I was 15 and I'm starting to get frustrated because I'm now almost 23.​

I've recently been aware of many people that have been "gay" but have managed to rid themselves of their same-sex attractions. I know someone from high school who use to be so proud of being gay that he would go out of his way to make sure that everyone knew that it was cool and that he was proud. Now fast forward to now and he's been engaged to a woman and claims to be completely straight. It makes me furious! How has he accomplished what I've been striving for for so long? I just don't understand. I know he's always been Mormon (which is a problem in itself besides homosexuality) but I don't see why that "religion" would have done something to him now of all times. I also saw a video of some guy on the Joy Behar show on HLN use to be gay but is now straight, happy, and married. Again, I was pissed because I'm sure there's definitely more than just these people that have accomplished this, yet we're not hearing ANYTHING about it because it's "wrong" to not want to be gay. Because we were "born this way" even though there is NO concrete evidence explaining that homosexuality is something that you're born with.​

Which also brings me to another question. Why is it considered wrong to not want be gay, yet it's perfectly okay to mutilate your body to change yourself into a gender you were clearly NOT born as? It's ridiculous and such a double standard that it's not even funny. I would have posted this in a forum where they consider it okay to want to change, but I have no idea of any so perhaps you guys can redirect me to something. I probably shouldn't be writing this but I'm kind of drunk, so figure it's as good a time as any. Again, my apologies.​

 

[Mariatenebre]

Well, I know you guys get posts constantly with people bitching about their problems so I apologize in advance and will keep it as short as possible. I've been struggling with same-sex attraction since I was 15 and I'm starting to get frustrated because I'm now almost 23.​

I've recently been aware of many people that have been "gay" but have managed to rid themselves of their same-sex attractions. I know someone from high school who use to be so proud of being gay that he would go out of his way to make sure that everyone knew that it was cool and that he was proud. Now fast forward to now and he's been engaged to a woman and claims to be completely straight. It makes me furious! How has he accomplished what I've been striving for for so long? I just don't understand. I know he's always been Mormon (which is a problem in itself besides homosexuality) but I don't see why that "religion" would have done something to him now of all times. I also saw a video of some guy on the Joy Behar show on HLN use to be gay but is now straight, happy, and married. Again, I was pissed because I'm sure there's definitely more than just these people that have accomplished this, yet we're not hearing ANYTHING about it because it's "wrong" to not want to be gay. Because we were "born this way" even though there is NO concrete evidence explaining that homosexuality is something that you're born with.​

Which also brings me to another question. Why is it considered wrong to not want be gay, yet it's perfectly okay to mutilate your body to change yourself into a gender you were clearly NOT born as? It's ridiculous and such a double standard that it's not even funny. I would have posted this in a forum where they consider it okay to want to change, but I have no idea of any so perhaps you guys can redirect me to something. I probably shouldn't be writing this but I'm kind of drunk, so figure it's as good a time as any. Again, my apologies.​

The difference is that transexual people were born with the minds of the opposite gender due to problems in the womb and thus need this operation to correct them. In essence they are trying to be who they are. People who do not want to be gay however are hating themselves for who they are attracted to and wish to be something they are not and thus only make themselves miserable.

You are also wrong it has been proven that homosexuality is innate and unchangable and is found in every species as a means to prevent overpopulation. There are even all female, all LESBIAN species which reproduce through parthenogenisis. All major scientists, biologists and psychologists accept that homosexuality is unchangable and something that you are born with.

The only reason people are tought to hate homosexuality is due to religion and especially the Abrahamic religions. In pagan times there was little to no homophobia and the Abrahamic religions made it up for political reasons.

So there is nothing wrong with being gay. Just accept that you like guys and move on.

 

[Fireballs]

The difference is that transexual people were born with the minds of the opposite gender due to problems in the womb and thus need this operation to correct them. In essence they are trying to be who they are. People who do not want to be gay however are hating themselves for who they are attracted to and wish to be something they are not and thus only make themselves miserable.

Uhhh, I don't agree with this. They're born normal boys or girls. If anything, they're just messed up in the head.

You are also wrong it has been proven that homosexuality is innate and unchangable and is found in every species as a means to prevent overpopulation. There are even all female, all LESBIAN species which reproduce through parthenogenisis. All major scientists, biologists and psychologists accept that homosexuality is unchangable and something that you are born with.

Haven't heard of such a species. Care to elaborate or even provide info? And the only prove scientists state is that other species of animals have homosexual tendancies. Besides that, nothing else really.

The only reason people are tought to hate homosexuality is due to religion and especially the Abrahamic religions. In pagan times there was little to no homophobia and the Abrahamic religions made it up for political reasons.

Eh, I really don't care. It's all irrelevant to me.

So there is nothing wrong with being gay. Just accept that you like guys and move on.

lol, no. How pointless.

 

[TX-Beau]

What exactly are you asking us about?

You apparently know that one can change to be straight, you apparently want to be straight, so what stopping you?


Off you go, convert, enroll, whatever. No advice necessary.

Go to it.

 

[Fireballs]

What exactly are you asking us about?

You apparently know that one can change to be straight, you apparently want to be straight, so what stopping you?


Off you go, convert, enroll, whatever. No advice necessary.

Go to it.

Point was I don't understand why people can change and I have not. Just curious if people had any input to what I was doing wrong, or perhaps could point me to useful resources. Suppose I should of known I wouldn't find anything useful here. So I guess I'll "get to it."

 

[Fireballs]

You mean mentally messed in the brain as opposed to their being an actual physical difference in the brain? You'd be wrong.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html

If someone was born with autism and you can point it out in a brain scan, would that mean they're suppose to be that way? That we shouldn't find a way to correct autism? Interesting.

 

[TX-Beau]

You mean mentally messed in the brain as opposed to their being an actual physical difference in the brain? You'd be wrong.

He didn't actually ask for advice about anything, he's just kind of proselytizing about that ex-gay crap and tossing in some random complaining about how he wants the same but is apparently being stopped by people telling him it's wrong to want to be straight.

Which is really strange since he evidently knows exactly where to get what he says he wants.

Curious, no?

 

[onetwothreefour]

Typical glib, groupthink answers to a perfectly valid question.

There is this dichotomy where you have the gay groupthink of "it's biological, born this way, DNA evidence" and then you have the people who are equally disingenuous and come up with pop psychology reasons of why people are gay and behaviorism programs to change the sexuality--these seem to usually be linked to religion, even though no religion I know comes with a set of instructions for changing sexual attraction.

I want to be clear that when I say I disagree with the reactive, groupthink mind that says "I was born gay"—I have absolutely 0 qualms with homosexuality. I think it would be absolutely fine if you were gay because your father neglected you (using an example from the pop psychology by the "reparative" right wing groups).

What you are saying, and what I believe is true, is that there is so much we don't know.

You are absolutely right in questioning how these people you see who have converted were able to do so. You have to question what it even means to convert.

And you are absolutely right to question the glib responses you'll find here, people saying there is absolute proof of homosexuality being biologically based. Ask them to show you a study that says that.

The truth is that we know so very, very little. That's what the smartest people without an agenda will tell you. And again, that's not saying that homosexuality--no matter its genesis--has anything going against it, IMO. You don't need to know why it is for it to be OK. None of us can explain all of our unique characteristics.

What about being "straight" do you think that you are not? Maybe it's not about being with a girl, maybe it's a way you would feel about yourself. And maybe that good feeling about yourself you don't currently have is something you can get without manipulating yourself into something else. Maybe you just don't want to feel separated from the herd. Question everything, look unflinchingly. You might already be what you want to be. Don't let anyone define you. You can have same sex attractions, have same sex relationships, and you don't have to use any word to define it you don't want to. I personally reject the word gay. I was born without an identifier. I was just born as a default male. I am not going to change the fact that I am just a guy because I am attracted to other guys. The word gay to describe homosexuality is a social construction. Other cultures have similarly just thought of as people as people, sometimes they have sex with women, sometimes with men. They didn't form new categories of personhood because of it.

A good psychologist (look for PhD or PsyD) might help--one who has no problem with homosexuality--but also one who isn't repeating politically correct aphorisms which make absolutisms on the genesis of homosexuality and create artificial barriers between people.

 

[TX-Beau]

Point was I don't understand why people can change and I have not. Just curious if people had any input to what I was doing wrong, or perhaps could point me to useful resources. Suppose I should of known I wouldn't find anything useful here. So I guess I'll "get to it."

What you're doing wrong? How should we know, there are no ex-gays here. Off you go.

 

[SilverWolf]

Honest question OP.

If you want to change to straight, shouldn't you avoid gay porn sites like this? Yes, this place does have a forum and all, but it's still a porn site...

 

[onetwothreefour]

What you're doing wrong? How should we know, there are no ex-gays here. Off you go.

What are you so afraid of? Having people ask questions about changing sexual orientation makes you tell people to get off the site? He raises some good questions: how does reparation therapy actually work. My answer was that I don't think the people who do it know what the hell they're talking about. Just as I think the people who say you're born gay know what they're talking about. It's an interesting topic that doesn't need to result in you telling people to leave the site.

Honest question OP.

If you want to change to straight, shouldn't you avoid gay porn sites like this? Yes, this place does have a forum and all, but it's still a porn site...

Would looking at straight porn be likely to cause you to become straight?

 

[JayQueer]

You guys, I know this is a "no flame" zone, but something about the OP's post just sounds kind of "off" & doesn't sit well with me. For reference, I'm a person who has recently come out, and I had to deal with my parents wanting to send me to a reparative "ex-gay" therapist this week, against my will.

Phrases such as "unwanted same-sex attraction," "struggling with same-sex attraction," & criticizing transgender people by calling it a "mutilation of their bodies" all sound like they come directly out of the right-wing & "ex-gay" playbook. I know, because I've seen enough of their materials to recognize it immediately.

The OP strikes me as a person who is extremely closeted, or some kind of a troll who wants to somehow prove to us that gay people can "change" to become straight.

Finally, it's also a little strange that the OP comes onto a gay (porn) website & lists his orientation as "straight" especially after telling us that he's been "struggling with same-sex attraction" for 8 years. If he is that conflicted about his sexuality, I could understand if he wrote "curious" or just he left the orientation field blank altogether.

It's almost as if he wants to convince us that being "gay" is not a valid sexual orientation, and that everyone is "straight," but some people have homosexual temptations -- again which is part of the "ex-gay" philosophy.

 

[TX-Beau]

What are you so afraid of? Having people ask questions about changing sexual orientation makes you tell people to get off the site? He raises some good questions: how does reparation therapy actually work. My answer was that I don't think the people who do it know what the hell they're talking about. Just as I think the people who say you're born gay know what they're talking about. It's an interesting topic that doesn't need to result in you telling people to leave the site.



Would looking at straight porn be likely to cause you to become straight?

Climb off your soap box. OP wants to be straight, OP says Mormons turned gay man straight, why hasn't OP joined the Mormons instead of coming in here and complaining that people who "think it's wrong," are hiding the information about it.

Reparation "therapy," doesn't work.

I was telling him to get on with his therapy if that's what he really wants - no one is going to get in his way and he's perfectly free to come back and tell us all about it when he's a nice straight boy.

 

[SilverWolf]

Would looking at straight porn be likely to cause you to become straight?

If I was attracted to the man or woman in straight porn and I wanted to change that, posting on a site with straight porn on the front page would make it harder to change, I think. So why would I be on that site?

It's like wanting to quit chocolate, yet working in a chocolate factory in my opinion.

 

[TX-Beau]

You guys, I know this is a "no flame" zone, but something about the OP's post just sounds kind of "off" & doesn't sit well with me. For reference, I'm a person who has recently come out, and I had to deal with my parents wanting to send me to a reparative "ex-gay" therapist this week, against my will.

Phrases such as "unwanted same-sex attraction," "struggling with same-sex attraction," & criticizing transgender people by calling it a "mutilation of their bodies" all sound like they come directly out of the right-wing & "ex-gay" playbook. I know, because I've seen enough of their materials to recognize it immediately.

The OP strikes me as a person who is extremely closeted, or some kind of a troll who wants to somehow prove to us that gay people can "change" to become straight.

Finally, it's also a little strange that the OP comes onto a gay (porn) website & lists his orientation as "straight" especially after telling us that he's been "struggling with same-sex attraction" for 8 years. If he is that conflicted about his sexuality, I could understand if he wrote "curious" or just he left the orientation field blank altogether.

It's almost as if he wants to convince us that being "gay" is not a valid sexual orientation, and that everyone is "straight," but some people have homosexual temptations -- again which is part of the "ex-gay" philosophy.

For once JayQueer I'm in complete agreement with you.

 

[Fireballs]

So many words are being put into my mouth. I haven't said anything about reparation therapy, just said I don't understand why there is people saying they've conquered homosexuality if people are supposedly born that way. That if there's a few then there's got to be more.

And I clearly said Mormonism is a problem in itself in my first post.

 

[Fireballs]

If I was attracted to the man or woman in straight porn and I wanted to change that, posting on a site with straight porn on the front page would make it harder to change, I think. So why would I be on that site?

It's like wanting to quit chocolate, yet working in a chocolate factory in my opinion.

Yeah. Sobriety will probably solve that problem.

 

[SilverWolf]

Yeah. Sobriety will probably solve that problem.

You've been here since January 2011 and your OP suggests you've been struggling with same sex attraction for years.

Why haven't you deleted in all this time? Why put yourself in a place of temptation for all this time? And why "probably"? If you really want to rid yourself of your same sex attraction, it seems counter productive to become a member and stay here.

 

[JayQueer]

You've been here since January 2011 and your OP suggests you've been struggling with same sex attraction for years.

Why haven't you deleted in all this time? Why put yourself in a place of temptation for all this time? And why "probably"?

Exactly. Also see my post above.

 

[TX-Beau]

So many words are being put into my mouth. I haven't said anything about reparation therapy, just said I don't understand why there is people saying they've conquered homosexuality if people are supposedly born that way. That if there's a few then there's got to be more.

And I clearly said Mormonism is a problem in itself in my first post.

OK, you really want a discussion of "people [who say] they've conquered homosexuality?"

Who are they? Specifically, besides your Mormon. Unless we all know what they have to say for themselves speculation is pointless. No one in here lives in their heads, and we really can't tell you why they do anything at all.

We can certainly have a discussion about repression and internalized homophobia but I suspect you're not very interested in those topics.