Update

[story4ricky]

Hi,

I posted here some last summer. Still stopped by to check out the guys. Some of you had asked for an update.

I'll refresh your memories first. Small town guy trying to reconcile two worlds -- gay and God. I decided to be me. I'm gay. It cost me everything but my brother and a couple friends. I kept trying to win my friends back, and especially my parents.

Well, the guy I came out for humiliated me. (That's a long other story.) Damn did it hurt. I felt like one of those cars with the word USED in big letters. I still don't know if I was naive or just stupid.

A couple weeks ago, my dad had a massive heart attack. I was forbidden to see him. Of all the pain, that was the worst. I kept hoping we'd eventually make things right. We'd be best friends again. By then, the pain was so bad, I'd go straight again just to please him. Just to make him happy. Just to be the son he wanted me to be.

He died today at 1 on the dot. He was always punctual. I'm forbidden from attending my own father's funeral. Where are all my friends now? Where's my family?

Not asking for anything here, no sympathy, no nothing, just updating. Just wanted to write my feelings down.

Thanks.

 

[Eagle653]

I know you're not asking for anything, but I want you to know how sorry I am all this shit is happening to you. I'm especially sorry about your father's death today. The fact that your family is treating you so awful on top of your grieve is obnoxious beyond description. What they are doing is downright cruel.

Take care of yourself, as difficult as that sounds right now. Hold on to those who accept you, and build a new life around loving people who think you're good.

And, keep in touch with us too. Let us know how you're doing. We care.

 

[Blue_saber]

There are always people who's lives are better and worse than ours...

I, myself, hope that when the time of coming out arrives, my parents will support me.

Still, I'm sure that where your father is right now, he knows he made mistakes, but my guess is he always loved you, and is in peace.

Cheer up!

I hope that each day that passes, you are one step closer to happiness. Just my humble opinion.

 

[M4P]

Hi there

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father. I cannot believe your family has forbidden you to attend his funeral - this is a decision they will have to live with for the rest of their lives

I hope you're taking lots of time to talk with him now. I truly believe he'll hear you and your feelings towards eachother can reconcile

In the meantime, surround yourself with those who truly love you without condition and know you have the love and support of your JUB friends. Please post whenever you can and let us know how you're doing. We do care

 

[looseliam]

I don't know quite what to say. But I am saddened by the loss of your father.

Is there a way you can discretely attend the funeral?

Perhaps if you contact the funeral home to see if they can arrange a private time for you to say good bye.

 

[king01]

They can't stop your feelings not matter what, so go out to your father's resting place and talk with him. Tell him all the things you didn't get to while he was physically here. Tell him you are what you are, and you didn't in any way mean to hurt him. I bet (from experience) that you will feel so much better. I hurt with you.........

 

[momp57]

I wish you peace!

 

[Homoerectus]

My deepest sympathy to you. Please do not blame yourself for your father's death in any way. Neither should your family blame you. There is one thing we all share and that is one day we shall die. It was your father's time to go.

If your family will not allow you to go to the funeral, talk to the funeral director about seeing your father when your family won't be around. They won't expect that. Talk to the minister about allowing you to attend the service in an alcove or a balcony. Do it so you will not be seen. It sounds like you loved your dad and you surely don't want your dad's funeral turned into a circus by someone causing a scene about you being there. Dress properly for the funeral. Go to the cemetery and position yourself so you can see the interment. After the interment at the cemetery and after the family has gone home, visit your dad. Talk to him and tell him how much you loved him and how sorry you are you couldn't attend the funeral with your family.

Someone will ask you some day why you weren't at the funeral or cemetery. Look them in the eye, tell them you were there and explain the family wouldn't allow you to participate. Tell them you and the family had a difference of opinion but you were there to say goodbye to your dad. You don't owe them that much explanation but that shoud be all you offer.

Hold you head high and know we all care about you and grieve with you in this terrible time. Remember, God loves you and so do I.

 

[mojoe54]

I am so sorry for your loss, and for all the pain you are going through. It's hard to lose your Dad under any circumstances. I know this situation must be very difficult for you. Sounds like you have a brother and some good friends to lean on. Hopefully your family will come around, and realize you are still the same guy they knew before they knew you are gay. It doesn't work to try and go straight for someone,no matter how much you love them. You are who you are, and to me that seems like a pretty good guy. Take care-- you will be in my thoughts. bb

 

[mpdan]

My condolences.

I also lost my dad about a month ago. But that is where our similarities end, since most of my family has accepted me. I was told that my dad went to his grave not knowing or believing I was Gay, and I really wish I leveled with him beforehand. But then two weeks after his death my car was stolen, taken for a joyride and abandoned - within steps of my dad's childhood home. Coincidence? Of course. But I'm going to take it as a sign that he understood.

Take Homoerectus' and Looseliams advice. If you are caught and confronted, leave quietly. Your family has not only lost dad, but they are choosing to lose you. Sooner or later someone is going to realize that life is just too short.....

 

[luminum]

I know that your family is close to you, so please bear in mind that I respect your love of them when I say this to you...

What are you trying to win them back for? What makes you think that you need to win them back? What did you do? Nothing! If anything, they're the ones who should be trying to win you back!

I'm sorry that your family is so awful that they would deny you your peace with yoru father. It's unjust, evil, and wrong.

It disgusts me that they woudl treat you so badly.

You did nothing wrong. You should never have to change yourself for the ones you love just so they'll accept you. You love them, but you're letting their love become your burden and pain. Be the son he always wanted you to be? Since when did anyone get to decide who you were other than you?

If your family can't appreciate you for who you are, then it's them. Not you. You should never try to fic yourself just to be allowed to play on their low level. You shouyld never have to change yourself just to say goodbye to your father, or be allowed to show you love them. Only the despicable, petty, and cruel would o this to another person...