Want a boyfriend, but don't want to go through all the B.S. to get one!!

[ridinghorses1]

Well I'm sure your not the only gay guy with the "fuck that" type of attitude. Perhaps one day fate shall bring you to this other guy... perhaps not.
I wouldn't be so worried about having to say the rights things in the beginnining, if they dont like you cause you said the "wrong thang" then maybe they're not for you.

It helps to see gay guys as just other guys instead of just a bunch of potential boyfriends. Just hang out with another fellow homo and be yourself. And don't be so desperate, having a boyfriend probably isn't all that you dreamt it to be, honnay.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

You've got the completely WRONG attitude towards finding a man.

Nothing turns me off more than someone who "puts on a show" to lure me on, I don't have time for the fake fuckery.

Why lead someone in under false pretenses, at which point your point is either let them down and reveal your true self, or continue the facade.

You don't have to stunt, unless you're an ax murderer or have terribly body odor, you should be able to find someone who accepts you for you, any other way isn't worth doing.

Until you find him, focus on personal growth, make sure you're coming to the table well-rounded. Good luck, and take it a day at a time.

 

[KaraBulut]

What do you do if you think that's bullshit and have a "fuck that" type of attitude, but still want a boyfriend anyway? I don't want to have to work extra hard to get a guy, I just want to be comfortable with myself and have guys respond positively to that.

I mean, how can you possibly love yourself and be comfortable with yourself, if you're constantly trying to please someone else in order to get things going? it's like Carrie once said on an episode of "Sex and the City," "Most first dates are like job interviews with cocktails..."

You're really confusing a lot of messages here.

The point of dating is not to put on a show or be something that you're not. There's no reason that you cannot just be yourself- within reason, of course.

But you do at least have to look like you're trying. And you have to put some effort into the date- things that seem common sense like basic hygeine and not acting like an idiot or a turd- even if things aren't working out like you expected them to.

People on dates are insecure. You have to make them feel comfortable and you have to let them know that you're enjoying the date and you're interested.


The loving yourself thing is only a peripheral thing to casual dating. You do have to love yourself enough to not make stupid, reckless things during casual dating. Self-destructive things like being a stalker, or not calling when you say you're going to call or sleeping with everyone that you go out on a date with.

But the "love yourself" thing is more about serious relationships and some of the choices that you have to make when you're in a relationship. Loving yourself gives you the security to love another person. Loving yourself gives you the security to leave unhealthy relationships when you need to do so.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Now, I have heard from so many people already that in order to love someone, you must first love yourself. And I get that. but, the thing is, I get so pissed when I think of looking for a guy, because you always have to present yourself a certain way to draw them in and eventually win them over. you need to make sure you don't say the wrong things in the beginning so that you don't scare them away, etc.

Nnnno, I don't think you get it.

>>>I just want to be comfortable with myself and have guys respond positively to that.

THIS is what the loving yourself is. Enjoying your company enough that others enjoy it too.

But the thing you seem to be ignoring here is that this would-be boyfriend is a person, too. You're treating him like some sort of prize to be won. Swing things around. Let's say your would-be boyfriend is the one posting the thing above. And say, for the first date, he doesn't want to do the bullshit stuff you mention. So he...oh, I don't know. He doesn't brush his teeth ("he should care about me not my breath"), or wears a dirty shirt ("I don't want someone who cares more about clothes than people"), or acts really brusque and/or offensive ("I'm not putting on an act - this is who I am"). Are you saying you're really expecting to look through any and all of that to see the "real person" underneath? Seriously?

Lex

 

[paramedic_861]

from past experience putting on a show only makes thing harder.....go with the flow if they like you they will like you for who you truly are....

 

[LoveIsNow]

If you have to put up a front to attract someone it isn't going to work out. Plain and simple. You don't have to go through the B.S. If you just be yourself eventually someone will come along who will want you for you.

 

[rareboy]

You've got the completely WRONG attitude towards finding a man.

Nothing turns me off more than someone who "puts on a show" to lure me on, I don't have time for the fake fuckery.

Why lead someone in under false pretenses, at which point your point is either let them down and reveal your true self, or continue the facade.

You don't have to stunt, unless you're an ax murderer or have terribly body odor, you should be able to find someone who accepts you for you, any other way isn't worth doing.

Until you find him, focus on personal growth, make sure you're coming to the table well-rounded. Good luck, and take it a day at a time.

Read it again.

You're really confusing a lot of messages here.

The point of dating is not to put on a show or be something that you're not. There's no reason that you cannot just be yourself- within reason, of course.

But you do at least have to look like you're trying. And you have to put some effort into the date- things that seem common sense like basic hygeine and not acting like an idiot or a turd- even if things aren't working out like you expected them to.

People on dates are insecure. You have to make them feel comfortable and you have to let them know that you're enjoying the date and you're interested.


The loving yourself thing is only a peripheral thing to casual dating. You do have to love yourself enough to not make stupid, reckless things during casual dating. Self-destructive things like being a stalker, or not calling when you say you're going to call or sleeping with everyone that you go out on a date with.

But the "love yourself" thing is more about serious relationships and some of the choices that you have to make when you're in a relationship. Loving yourself gives you the security to love another person. Loving yourself gives you the security to leave unhealthy relationships when you need to do so.

Read it again.

>>>Now, I have heard from so many people already that in order to love someone, you must first love yourself. And I get that. but, the thing is, I get so pissed when I think of looking for a guy, because you always have to present yourself a certain way to draw them in and eventually win them over. you need to make sure you don't say the wrong things in the beginning so that you don't scare them away, etc.

Nnnno, I don't think you get it.

>>>I just want to be comfortable with myself and have guys respond positively to that.

THIS is what the loving yourself is. Enjoying your company enough that others enjoy it too.

But the thing you seem to be ignoring here is that this would-be boyfriend is a person, too. You're treating him like some sort of prize to be won. Swing things around. Let's say your would-be boyfriend is the one posting the thing above. And say, for the first date, he doesn't want to do the bullshit stuff you mention. So he...oh, I don't know. He doesn't brush his teeth ("he should care about me not my breath"), or wears a dirty shirt ("I don't want someone who cares more about clothes than people"), or acts really brusque and/or offensive ("I'm not putting on an act - this is who I am"). Are you saying you're really expecting to look through any and all of that to see the "real person" underneath? Seriously?

Lex

Read it again.

 

[thisisinteresting]

Yep, what they said. You have the complete wrong idea which is probably why it seems like such a chore. It's not the fuggin discovery channel where you have to put on a show and do the best dance and if you fuck up one thing it's over.

 

[Ryuukie]

You're trying too hard. Stop trying. Just be yourself.

 

[mydrew1]

Well you should know in a few minutes if you really want somebody.