Wanting to meet someone so bad.

[jbrown329]

I've been single for 15yrs. Hell, I haven't had sex (other than with myself) in 16yrs. Sure there's Craigslist. Not my type of thing. I'm not, and have never been, interested in anon hookups. Been there, tried that. Didn't like it.

Why is it so hard to meet guys in real life? There's nowhere here to meet guys, unless it's the bar (meat market), the nude beach or online. Call me old fashioned. I actually want to meet a guy and get to know him a bit before hopping between the sheets.

There's nothing here like what there was (and still is) in my hometown. That was OIM (Out In Montana). It was easy to meet people. I made friends. I even slept with a couple guys that I met there.

Here? Nada. No such thing. Believe me, I've looked.

Where does a middle aged man (55, look younger) look? I'm not hard on the eyes even though I've gained weight.

I feel like I'm going to grow old alone. Nobody to share my life with. Discouraging.

Doesn't help that I live in the conservative side of the state. Can't afford to move over the mountains to Seattle. One would think that in a metro area of almost 500K, there would be more going on. Nope.

I live in a city that's the largest one you'll find between Seattle and the Twin Cities. And I feel like I'm living in a desert. Been here for 30yrs now.

Only been in one ltr, that lasted 15yrs. 12 were good, the last 3 weren't. I got out.

Sorry to be spilling. Today is a down day for me. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

 

[Seasoned]

Have you had any contact with GaySpokane? I think what you're looking for is a social outlet where you could meet people and network.

 

[jbrown329]

Have you had any contact with GaySpokane? I think what you're looking for is a social outlet where you could meet people and network.

There's nothing there. Their Facebook page hasn't been updated since Feb. of '14. Their Live Journal page is from 2009.

There is a 'center' here. Years ago I went there to see about it. What a joke. 1 person there. The next time I went, it was the night that the Lesbians had something scheduled. If looks could kill, I'd be dead. They didn't want me there. I left. Haven't been back.

There is Out Spokane. But all they do is deal with the Pride parade.

I looked for just over 3yrs, late 2001 to 2004 and found nothing. And nothing has changed. I still look, just not as hard.

 

[KölnElch]

My initial reaction on reading your post was "move!", even when I read your point that speaks against moving.

I haven't ever been in a relationship, and I'm having quite the same attitude as you (first want to get to know someone, then deciding what to do with him). I tried grindr, tinder and hornet, without success. The problem I guess is the age filter. If you are into younger guys, you need to get yourself around that age filter on apps and online dating sites. We are both old enough to know that age often has nothing to do with what we are, how we look like, how we behave, etc. Age, besides the number, is a myth.

For you (and me) I think it would be the best to get to know guys in real life. But if I'd know the magic formula, I'd share it. Clubs and bars often have their music set too loud, so you can't really talk. The best bet is probably to go via common interests, but even that can be tiresome if it's an interest that has no club or community.

Have you considered going on holiday somewhere with gay friendly resorts or beaches etc? Not sure about the USA; but probably you also have gay group holidays there that you could try out.

 

[Seasoned]

Since there are gay people everywhere I'd keep trying especially if I weren't willing or able to move to a more "out" community. Why not try being involved in the parade organizing committee if that's the only active organization you can find? It seems like a place to start.

 

[jbrown329]

My initial reaction on reading your post was "move!", even when I read your point that speaks against moving.

I haven't ever been in a relationship, and I'm having quite the same attitude as you (first want to get to know someone, then deciding what to do with him). I tried grindr, tinder and hornet, without success. The problem I guess is the age filter. If you are into younger guys, you need to get yourself around that age filter on apps and online dating sites. We are both old enough to know that age often has nothing to do with what we are, how we look like, how we behave, etc. Age, besides the number, is a myth.

For you (and me) I think it would be the best to get to know guys in real life. But if I'd know the magic formula, I'd share it. Clubs and bars often have their music set too loud, so you can't really talk. The best bet is probably to go via common interests, but even that can be tiresome if it's an interest that has no club or community.

Have you considered going on holiday somewhere with gay friendly resorts or beaches etc? Not sure about the USA; but probably you also have gay group holidays there that you could try out.

I'd love to move, can't afford it. As for going on a holiday, can't afford that either. I'm disabled on a limited income.

Age? My ex was 15yrs my senior. When we met, he was 39 and I was 25. I don't have the stamina to keep up with someone who's a couple decades younger than me. Sure, I like to look. But most likely it wouldn't work out. I'd feel comfortable with 10yrs younger or 10yrs older.

As for friends, most have moved away. If not that, they've passed on. I have 2 gay friends, the rest are straight. I've thought about moving back to my hometown. It used to be the most progressive city in the state. Not anymore. Besides, I'd know not a soul.

The gay community here isn't a close knit community. You have to belong to a click if you want to mingle. Well, I don't fit the 'click'. Hell, there isn't even a Stonewall Democrats group here. Closest one is in Seattle.

And since I've put weight on, I'm self conscious. I went from 135lbs to 215lbs (I'm 5ft 7in, 170 cm for those on the Metric scale). Medications tend to do that.

There is a Transsexual group here. But I'm not a Transsexual. While I do support Transsexuals, I'd really feel out of place in that group.

I'll soldier on and maybe one day my knight in shining armor will come along.

 

[Telstra]

I'd love to move, can't afford it. As for going on a holiday, can't afford that either. I'm disabled on a limited income.

Age? My ex was 15yrs my senior. When we met, he was 39 and I was 25. I don't have the stamina to keep up with someone who's a couple decades younger than me. Sure, I like to look. But most likely it wouldn't work out. I'd feel comfortable with 10yrs younger or 10yrs older.

As for friends, most have moved away. If not that, they've passed on. I have 2 gay friends, the rest are straight. I've thought about moving back to my hometown. It used to be the most progressive city in the state. Not anymore. Besides, I'd know not a soul.

The gay community here isn't a close knit community. You have to belong to a click if you want to mingle. Well, I don't fit the 'click'. Hell, there isn't even a Stonewall Democrats group here. Closest one is in Seattle.

And since I've put weight on, I'm self conscious. I went from 135lbs to 215lbs (I'm 5ft 7in, 170 cm for those on the Metric scale). Medications tend to do that.

There is a Transsexual group here. But I'm not a Transsexual. While I do support Transsexuals, I'd really feel out of place in that group.

I'll soldier on and maybe one day my knight in shining armor will come along.

In the gay world, looks is important.
I guess you have to find yourself a hobby you enjoy doing and keep yourself busy and keep your eyes open for opportunities.

 

[jbrown329]

In the gay world, looks is important.
I guess you have to find yourself a hobby you enjoy doing and keep yourself busy and keep your eyes open for opportunities.

Does surfing for porn count?

 

[Telstra]

Does surfing for porn count?

Yes as long as it keep you physically fit and healthy so you don't become heavier and heavier

 

[jbrown329]

Yes as long as it keep you physically fit and healthy so you don't become heavier and heavier

I've maintained the same weight for the last 5yrs. Haven't lost any, but haven't gained any.

 

[heighton1538]

I am very sure you will find someone. You sound like a really likable person. The type of person I would date. Just keep your head up and the men will come.