We just stopped talking.

[Martkell2007]

My boyfriend and I were together for around 3 months. We got very close. I met his family, we spent the holidays together. But he was a little curious as to why i never introduced him to my family, but he was just curious, never upset about it, and never pressured me to tell my family about him. We seemed like responsible adults who realized that in a new relationship we still had to discover each other. We were always happy to see each other.

But upon the 4th month things changed. I started working less(but making more money) so I spent more time with him. Issues between us popped up about him spending more time on everything and everyone else but me (he was dealing with some financial issues as well). But I didnt press the issue. We then had a wonderful valentine's day, followed by a little spiff over me having internet personal ads still up. But we over came the internet ad issue too. We also had issues over the frequency of sex. I wanted more, he wanted less. But I conceded to have no sex, so he didn't have a problem.

Around the 5th month we never spent time together. He didn't call as much as he used to, and always seemed preoccupied with his friends, moving, or work. After a week or 2 of frustration and patience I tried to talk it out with him. But he just wanted to watch tv instead. Fed up with feeling like a "no priority" I went to bed and the next day packed all my stuff and left. I left my v-day present at his house too. I stopped talking to him and everything but now I miss him. But he doesn't call or anything. It has been 2 weeks almost. Could he really not give a damn about why I was so upset to leave. I feel like my relationship is dying or even dead. I don't want to lose him but I feel like he doesn't care. What should be my next step to find closure in this matter and possibly restore my relationship to its previous glory and romance?

 

[sixthson]

It sounds to me like a complete failure to communicate properly. At least from him. But, you are getting his message even if it is found in his silence. You sound like very different people.

Reread what you have written here and you will see that you already know the relationship is over, but you don't want to accept it. You are hurt and need time to get over him.

You can always try one last time to talk to him, but it sounds like you will have to initiate.
The question you need to ask yourself is this: Do I really want to spend much more of my time on a relationship that is making me miserable? If you are this unhappy after 5 months, what will it be like in a year or two?

I am sorry that you are hurting, but you need to make some decisions that are good for you and not continue to hope for something that most likely will never happen i.e. him being the kind of bf you want. It appears that he has moved on and made a life for himself that does not include you. I realize this is painful to accept.

Good luck, buddy.

 

[rareboy]

Oh trust me. That relationship is definitely over and dead and the best thing you can do is bury, or burn it and forget it.

Take your lumps and hate him for awhile and then forgive and forget him.

 

[G-Lexington]

So you packed your things and left...why? Hoping he'd call and say he wanted you back? You bluffed, he called. And what kind of "closure" are you expecting? You packed up and left. THAT's your closure.

Sorry. Live and learn.

Lex

 

[Lube]

People are weird. People are not logical. When it comes to love and the stock market, just throw logic out the window.

There are at least two possible reasons he's not talking to you. 1) He's just not into you anymore. 2) He's still in love but will not or cannot make the first move; he's paralyzed.

However, from your description so far, it sounds more like #1.

Why lovers can't communicate in simple terms is beyond me. Nobody likes to say the truth.

 

[Martkell2007]

Update: I caved for practical reasons. I'm on his phone plan and wanted to change it and I needed my oil changed. I contacted him, he's been sick lately and very busy. I stayed with him a few hours while he layed down.

I asked him straight up if he still loves me. Without hesitation, he said "yeah."

The "ah-ha" moment came to me when i realized I don't know any long-term stable relationship where two people are always romantically absorbed into each other, esp my parents. My emotions have destroyed my logic. Why would I think anyone could romance me 24/7 or even half the time.

I'm stupid.

 

[KaraBulut]

Are we talking the same guy as this?

January 22nd, 2008, 11:37
Subject How do I confront him?

We've always trusted each other and so I've never snooped . But last night he got a phone call on his work phone from an unknown number. I shurgged it off, but noticed how defensive he got. His unnecessary defense raised my brow. So when he went to sleep, I went to his phone. It's password protected, but I have the password, as well as the password to his ATM account (letting you know how we trust each other).

I found no weird numbers, but there were email accounts unknown to me tied to his phone. When I opened them I found dozens of emails arranging hookups with men. I work a lot, sometimes 12 hours a day, so he would have time to sneak them in...but I could have never saw this coming. My instincts screamed of it, but my mind said it couldn't be true. Most of them were dated far in the past, but a few were recent.

January 23rd, 2008, 04:39
Re: How do I confront him?

It is so over.

January 23rd, 2008, 07:08
Re: How do I confront him?

Just to recap-

1. You've been with someone 3 months
2. You love him
3. He's been hooking up with dozens of guys behind your back
4. He changed the subject when you brought the issue up and he doesn't want to discuss it.
5. You're not completely satisfied with the sex

Do you think there is a future here?

January 24th, 2008, 01:14
Re: How do I confront him?

I think it is very clear that he has cheated on you, or at least had the intention of doing so. And it doesn't sound like he's terribly sorry about it. If he has no qualms about cheating on you after being with you for only 3 months, why do you think he would be faithful to you after 10 years? 15 years? Would you be a lot more hurt to leave him then?

 

[Martkell2007]

Ok, my guy and I are still together. We had one of those couple moments, where we both did something stupid, managed to get over it, and ended up closer. In our moment of rekindling we spoke about issues that were both buried inside of us, yet causing us to grow distant. When I'm with him he no longer seems distant.

But here is my question. Is it common for two people to stop talking and messaging each other on the phone after they've been together ONLY 6 months and don't live together?

He doesn't call me, but when I call him and go to see him, he's glad and happy to see me. I sent him a text saying I had too much to do to see him this weekend. He never responded. It's always like this. It's like he waits for me to call him. And I'm tired of being the only one to call him so I don't call him.

He made a comment not too long ago about how he hadn't heard from me in a week . I thought to myself "Why in the hell don't you call me then?" He used to call several times a day and send txts often. He even gave me a blackberry to talk on.

I'm so confused. I don't worry about him cheating on me, but he worries about me cheating on him. Is he playing games with me?

 

[KaraBulut]

Stay in this until it really does consume you, and trust me, it will. It has already begun. The advantage here is that (hopefully) you will learn something, but the risk, and the more likely outcome, is that you will be seriously screwed up in your ability to ever be with anyone.

Amen.

There's a lot of posts on this forum about "I was in a bad relationship and now I'm afraid to trust again"...

The thing with dysfunctional and unhappy relationships is that the longer you stay in them, the more dysfunctional and unhappy you will become. And the more baggage you'll be hauling around in the next relationship.

 

[Eagle653]

But here is my question. Is it common for two people to stop talking and messaging each other on the phone after they've been together ONLY 6 months and don't live together?

No, it's not.

Your relationship is in serious trouble. Not only are there major communication issues, but trust issues as well.

You sound like a nice, intelligent guy. You don't deserve this--and you need some answers. I don't know if he's capable of giving you the honest answers you need and the attention and love you deserve.

It's hard to observe a relationship from the outside, while being in it. But, read carefully through each post in this thread, including your own. The answer is there. Open your mind to it and don't be blind to it.

Good luck to you. I wish it weren't so hard.