I'm 25 years old and still partially in the closet. I'm pretty sure my core group of friends, who I've been friends with for years, have figured it out. However, and appreciatively, they've never asked, made fun of, or pushed the issue.
But last night, one of my good girl friends said to me, "I've never asked you about your love life in three years. So whats up? Why don't you ever say anything?" She had been out drinking for a few hours, and I just arrived, so I knew the beer-inbalance wouldn't have been even... so I simply replied "You never ask. Do you have a question?" and she said "No, just tell me about it." It was a very awkward moment.... luckily, another one of our friends walked up to the table talking about a different subject, so the night moved on from there.
Growing up, in the past five or six years, I've always said to myself that I wasn't going to force myself out of the closet... that I would come out when the time was right. I never knew when that time would be, but I would always know when the time wasn't.
I feel like the "right time" for me is quickly approaching, but I'm very scared of losing my friends. I know my parents will defintiely not accept things right off the bat - that it will most likely take years before we can speak civily. (My father's brother is gay, and they haven't spoken in 30+ years)
Because I'm deathly afraid of breaking off my relationship with my parents, I know it's vitally important that I have people in my life that I can continue to turn to, being my friends. However, I've been living a lie for 25 years telling people that I'm straight.... and therefore, most of the things I've done, or wanted to do, were in line with giving off a "straight man's" persona and image. So who am I, really?
I ended up calling my friend from last night, and I simply told her that I never shared details about my own love life because I'm gay, and I never felt comfortable enough to share it. I then explained to her that it took a lot for me to call her and volunteer that information, and how important it was to me, that as a friend, she keep the information confidentail and let me tell the world.
Her reaction went two ways. The first (which I somewhat expected) was she giggling, and more or less told me that it was about damn time I told her. The second (which surprised me based on what I said to her) was that she couldn't wait to call one of her friends and hear how her friend would react when SHE told her friend that SHE got me to admit to her first.
I then told her that I would feel very disrespected if she told my story to someone else. She then retorted with "So you're gay! Who cares? Why is it such a big deal?!" To a certain degreee, she's right, but I explained to her how I felt... that "coming out" wasn't just saying "Hey, I'm gay." That it comes with instantaneous life-long assumptions as to how I should be acting, what I should be saying, what music I should like... the fact that I will never have that "classic American family." And in the end, it was just more important me for, as part of my coming out process, to be the one to look at people and tell them that I'm gay.
I know that as I talk to more people and open up to them that people will know from someone other than myself, I just feel that for the people most important in my life, it's my news to share and no one elses.
Have other people experiencing this same reaction, or the same feelings that I have? How have other people handled the situation? What sort of reactions should I expect as I continue this process of FINALLY being honest with myself in public?
But last night, one of my good girl friends said to me, "I've never asked you about your love life in three years. So whats up? Why don't you ever say anything?" She had been out drinking for a few hours, and I just arrived, so I knew the beer-inbalance wouldn't have been even... so I simply replied "You never ask. Do you have a question?" and she said "No, just tell me about it." It was a very awkward moment.... luckily, another one of our friends walked up to the table talking about a different subject, so the night moved on from there.
Growing up, in the past five or six years, I've always said to myself that I wasn't going to force myself out of the closet... that I would come out when the time was right. I never knew when that time would be, but I would always know when the time wasn't.
I feel like the "right time" for me is quickly approaching, but I'm very scared of losing my friends. I know my parents will defintiely not accept things right off the bat - that it will most likely take years before we can speak civily. (My father's brother is gay, and they haven't spoken in 30+ years)
Because I'm deathly afraid of breaking off my relationship with my parents, I know it's vitally important that I have people in my life that I can continue to turn to, being my friends. However, I've been living a lie for 25 years telling people that I'm straight.... and therefore, most of the things I've done, or wanted to do, were in line with giving off a "straight man's" persona and image. So who am I, really?
I ended up calling my friend from last night, and I simply told her that I never shared details about my own love life because I'm gay, and I never felt comfortable enough to share it. I then explained to her that it took a lot for me to call her and volunteer that information, and how important it was to me, that as a friend, she keep the information confidentail and let me tell the world.
Her reaction went two ways. The first (which I somewhat expected) was she giggling, and more or less told me that it was about damn time I told her. The second (which surprised me based on what I said to her) was that she couldn't wait to call one of her friends and hear how her friend would react when SHE told her friend that SHE got me to admit to her first.
I then told her that I would feel very disrespected if she told my story to someone else. She then retorted with "So you're gay! Who cares? Why is it such a big deal?!" To a certain degreee, she's right, but I explained to her how I felt... that "coming out" wasn't just saying "Hey, I'm gay." That it comes with instantaneous life-long assumptions as to how I should be acting, what I should be saying, what music I should like... the fact that I will never have that "classic American family." And in the end, it was just more important me for, as part of my coming out process, to be the one to look at people and tell them that I'm gay.
I know that as I talk to more people and open up to them that people will know from someone other than myself, I just feel that for the people most important in my life, it's my news to share and no one elses.
Have other people experiencing this same reaction, or the same feelings that I have? How have other people handled the situation? What sort of reactions should I expect as I continue this process of FINALLY being honest with myself in public?
