Well, I went....

[winterknight]

Contrary to my expectations at 9:00 this morning, I did actually show up at that drop-in thing the local helpline runs.

There were about six other people there, and they all clearly knew each other really well.

So in spite of their best efforts to make me feel welcome, I just felt like a third wheel the whole time. So I soon lapsed into my usual sit-quietly-in-the-corner-and-only-speak-when-directly-spoken-to routine.

For an hour and a half.

Still, at least I went. That's gotta count for something, right?

 

[Swellegant]

Speaking when spoken to is a good place to start... at least you put yourself somewhere that people would speak to you. Kudos!

 

[dw8038r2]

Are there any groups of any kind that don't make us feel that way the first time? Stick with it.

 

[buzzj]

Hang in there! Kudos for having made the effort!!

 

[Yuki Sohma]

Right on and lots of luck wknight in your new adventure...............

 

[douseiai]

of course it counts for somethin sweety its good togo... perhaps you could go a few more times and get to know them better

 

[Kurn]

'been thinkin' about you Wolfie!

Kurn
California

 

[Croynan]

It counts for a great deal. You have done something very important for you that you wanted to do for you. And now it has been done.

I hope you will make an effort to return again soon, and maybe more recognition and friendliness will come with that.

You should be very pleased with your accomplishment. Bravo.

The Musical: "Man From La Mancha - (story of Don Quixote) -

Music by Mitch Leigh and Lyrics by Joe Darion

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star​

eM.

 

[GL]

Good for you WK! Baby steps my friend... You're getting there.

 

[me12121]

I know exactly how you feel. I went to my university's GLBT centre a month ago for the first time and ended up feeling exactly the same way. I tried going a few more times and it was exactly the same feeling, so I stopped going.

 

[mega]

Good for you WK! You put yourself out there, keep going.

 

[trawler69]

At least you made the effort, that took guts. I'm sure if you go a few more times it will get easier and people will open up more. First time I went to one of these meetings was much the same but after a couple I was going out socialising with them.

Don't give up and well done again for the effort.

 

[winterknight]

It's just the way I am with most people.

Case in point: There's this woman I've worked with for the last three years. These days most people say we sound like an old married couple.

But when she first started, it took a whole month of being alone in a room with her for eight hours a day before I could bring myself to speak in more than clipped sentences.

 

[frankfrank]

Good going Winterknight! I decided to look through about two weeks of threads (neglected during the latter part of my 10,700-mile driving trip), and figured that if you had an "after" (as in BEFORE AND AFTER) thread, I'd see it. Now that October's ending in half an hour, and I've spent nearly all day on JUB, I need to get to work tomorrow, seriously.

The comparison to public speaking is an excellent one. I remember the first time I had to do so, in 9th grade, and I just totally PANICKED - couldn't deal with it AT ALL. By late college, I was able to consider taking a speech course. Within three years after college (and on my way into a federal career - which I ended up
dumping after 8 years to form my own business) I was actually able to do a ten-minute prepared talk in front of about forty people, including all the heirarchy of bosses etc., in Detroit.

I also sometimes end up talking in front of the group at hobby conventions, which sometimes include as many as fifty people. It's still not my favorite thing, but I barely give it a thought.

With your female coworker you've also proven that you CAN adapt. I hope you'll continue trying that place, even though you may just be lurking in the corner for now. I believe you will eventually open up. And once that happens, and it builds on itself, you will have an entire LIFETIME to be grateful that you took the plunge.

 

[metta]

Sounds like your doing great to me. Keep going!

 

[Smitho]

You have made the first step, now keep going, and it will get easier and more fun, but for you it just takes a bit of time. But you have made the first step so congratulations.

I don't know if it will help, but when I am in an awkward situation with people I don't know, I always ask if they believe in Aliens, it is a good topic as everyone has a strong opinion, but it is inoffensive (there are not going to be any clashes, unlike politics!) and its more interesting than the weather. Try it, you have to start with I saw a Tv prog. or something, last week about aliens, and these guys think they exist, then if you think they exist and ask the audiance. Honestly it works!

Good Luck

 

[Lube]

It's really great that you went out there and did it, Winterknight.

As everyone else said, you just have to go out and do it, just for the experience.

Now, think back for a second. If you had to go again... wouldn't it be a lot easier this time, knowing now that you know the people there are at least nice enough? Before you didn't know anything about them; now you know a little.

Even if it's baby steps, just keep going there and you'll eventually get more comfortable.

That was a huge step. I'm sure you're relieved you took it. You should also be very proud.

 

[winterknight]

Now, think back for a second. If you had to go again... wouldn't it be a lot easier this time, knowing now that you know the people there are at least nice enough? Before you didn't know anything about them; now you know a little.

That's the problem.

As often as not, I'm like that even with people I've known since I was five years old.

 

[dpnice]

Right you have one thing to learn before you go to the next meeting and that is how to ask questions.

Everyone loves speaking about themselves what ever they say to the contrary. So just ask people about themselves. When did you start coming here? Have you made lots of friends by coming here? etc.,

Probably once you have asked one question you will be able to sit back, relax and listen as they won't stop talking.

So that is your aim for the next meeting; ask someone just one question. Not too difficult to do is it.

Wishing you all the courage necessary to continue.