Well there goes Another one....

[boredman321]

Ya, I made the mistake of going through his phone. I invaded his privacy and for that I am sorry.

I'm not even sure what I found... He is really good friends with another gay guy, and they hang out a lot, but I am not one of those guys who thinks two gay guys can't be friends , so i thought nothing of it.

But the messages I found needed to be talked about...

Do Other guys text there gay guy friends and say "good night papi, love you"

Do other guys text there gay guy friends and say " I can't wait to be your ASSistant, that way it will look less suspicous LOL"

.... "I can't wait for x(me) to go back to school, is that mean?"

... " I miss you, like sort of a lot, mostly your hugs, you have the perfect huggable body"


Am I wrong in saying those are weird things to say to a friend?

 

[Fucker29]

Hey old hubby!

Sorry to hear about this.
You're not wrong for thinking that. You should confront him about these messages though.
But you should also be prepared for him not liking you going through his cellphone.

Have you talked to him already about this or...?

 

[boredman321]

Ya, thats why he broke up with me.... He spent the night and while he was in the shower I went through his phone (still regret that).

He was heading to the mall and he texted me "have you gone through my phone in the last 24 hours " because I was dropping hints about stuff I knew.... so I called him and told him yes.

He said were done and hung up... I'm waiting for him to call me to pretty much read him the post I wrote and explain why I feel like that. Our entire relationship he said I did'nt trust him, and he was right.... I had gotten out of a realtionship where my BF cheated on me with 12 guys and got paid 100 dollars for bareback sex!!! of course I had trust issues....

 

[TX-Beau]

Ya, thats why he broke up with me.... He spent the night and while he was in the shower I went through his phone (still regret that).

He was heading to the mall and he texted me "have you gone through my phone in the last 24 hours " because I was dropping hints about stuff I knew.... so I called him and told him yes.

He said were done and hung up... I'm waiting for him to call me to pretty much read him the post I wrote and explain why I feel like that. Our entire relationship he said I did'nt trust him, and he was right.... I had gotten out of a realtionship where my BF cheated on me with 12 guys and got paid 100 dollars for bareback sex!!! of course I had trust issues....

It looks like you’ve got a couple of different things going on here.

First the trust thing. You are never going to get a relationship to last if you don’t trust your partner. So what motivates your spying? The previous guy? That’s baggage, and you need to drop it. Every guy is different, and if you find you’re only dating cheaters, that really speaks more to the guys you’re choosing than the nature of all men.

I’m not a cheater, I’ll walk before I cheat – and I’ll also walk if the guy is unable to respect my commitment and my privacy. Because that’s what lack of trust in your partner comes down to, a fundamental disrespect for the promise he made.

…but but but he cheated…

Maybe, but that’s on him, and you can only control the things you’re doing. His behavior does not absolve anyone else. We are all responsible for what we do. I understand that you were suspicious, so why didn’t you ask, before you started digging?


Second, if he walked, why are you thinking about explanations? He left; you think he really wants to hear that? You can try and make him listen, and if he’s a nice guy he might even let you spill your guts out.

But ultimately, how you feel is no longer a priority in his life. Are you trying to get him to come back? Why would you do that? You said he cheated on you – if you really believe that, why aren’t you running the other way, and if he didn’t cheat, and you’re worried you were wrong, have you changed enough not to repeat the lack of trust thing?

Lack of trust is why he left, whether he cheated or not. Your next guy is going to have the same problem with you, this will occur over and over, until you figure out how to handle it.

 

[altlover85]

TX-Beau is right. You need to move on and not repeat the same actions.

And I can understand how you feel, but you just need to think about how you can work on trust issues and understand that not evey guy is like the guys you have been with in the past.

 

[asu1117]

Ya, I made the mistake of going through his phone. I invaded his privacy and for that I am sorry.

I'm not even sure what I found... He is really good friends with another gay guy, and they hang out a lot, but I am not one of those guys who thinks two gay guys can't be friends , so i thought nothing of it.

But the messages I found needed to be talked about...

Do Other guys text there gay guy friends and say "good night papi, love you"

Do other guys text there gay guy friends and say " I can't wait to be your ASSistant, that way it will look less suspicous LOL"

.... "I can't wait for x(me) to go back to school, is that mean?"

... " I miss you, like sort of a lot, mostly your hugs, you have the perfect huggable body"


Am I wrong in saying those are weird things to say to a friend?

It's good that you found out he was cheating and that the relationship is over.

BUT! What if he hadn't been cheating? Then you would likely be single for being horribly invasive and untrusting. If you repeat this behavior with a future boyfriend, who turns out to be innocent, you could ruin a good relationship.

If someone I was in a relationship with did that to me, I would probably end it too. If someone is that untrusting of me then what's the point of even being with them? Plus I would be pissed as hell.

 

[MoltenRock III]

To OP, stop looking thru his or other's phones. There's no excuse for this bullshit. Instead of being a girl, and running to a forum to ask what's going on, sit down with your boyfriend and talk about it. Nothing I've seen in your opening post would make me think he automatically is cheating on you. Everyone has a reason to have "trust issues" if they wanted to justify their actions. That's your issue, not his.


So much drama, so little time I guess.

 

[boredman321]

I'd love to sit and talk to him... Hell I'd love to get a call but ended with "
Thats it were done, don't talk to me" so... I'm not talking to him. If he wants to talk he can call me.

 

[Fucker29]

i look at it like this if there was nothing in his phone he would talk to u...he's turning it on you because he got caught plain and simple...if there is nothing to hide why is he hiding?

True. He's trying to make you feel guilty of this mess. Granted, you probably shouldn't have gone through his cellphone but still, at the end of the day, he's the one who cheated and now he's acting all mighty and proud? Oh please...he's full of it, that's for sure.

 

[KaraBulut]

Ya, I made the mistake of going through his phone. I invaded his privacy and for that I am sorry.

...Our entire relationship he said I did'nt trust him, and he was right.... I had gotten out of a realtionship where my BF cheated on me with 12 guys and got paid 100 dollars for bareback sex!!! of course I had trust issues....

There have been several of these "I read his email" or "I looked at his phone" messages.

Most of the time, there was a lack of trust and the snooping just confirmed what the person already knew but wasn't ready to accept.

It's wrong to snoop. And it's wrong to drag your baggage from previous relationships into a new relationship.

This starts with bad choices- like dating someone who will spend the night with you and then text their friends that they can't wait until you go back to school. In the end it blew up in your face and caused a breakup... but you're better off getting this person out of your life. Good riddance.

If you have trust issues, maybe it's time to look at the people you're dating and why you're attracted to them. You can't change the fact that there are assholes out there but you can change your decisions to date them.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I feer the OP is getting ripped apart by some posters BUT I agree with him!

I have to say I understand his perspective. He knew something was up with his man so he had to find out the truth because his boyfriend is a liar!

I know some people won't agree with me BUT I would be very suspicious of a gay man with a "close gay friend". Chances are the gay men with close gay male friends have either slept together, thinking about sleeping together, or are going to sleep together.

Yes, there are occasions where two gay men can just be pals but from my personal experience an extremely close gay male friend is not just a friend at all.

I was in a similar situation like the OP. The last guy I went out with he had a very "close" gay friend and I know they hooked up yet that jackass wouldn't tell me the truth.

We are no longer talking BUT at least I know my gut instinct was correct!

Now people are telling off the OP for going through his boyfriend's stuff. My opinion is different, I think the OP was sneaky but so what? At least the OP found out the truth! Your so called boyfriend was playing you for a fool! Isn't it better that you found out now rather than later?

You did not nothing wrong your ex boyfriend is a jackass that hurt you bad. The reason why the ex boyfriend split wasn't because he was caught it was because you blew his cover!

I think if anything your gut was correct! This man is a low down dirty dog and you deserve so much better!

Count your blessings that this man is out of your life. He's a liar and a cheater!

 

[altlover85]

I just want to say that a guy can have a close gay friend and not cheat with him.