Well, this came out of nowhere

[NotSoStraight67]

Ho boy.

I have been married to a woman for more than a decade and am professional, good-looking, straight-acting, blah, blah, blah. I stay in shape, eat right, am 42 but have been told by many that I look 32. Life is damn good.

But yeah, I've lurked on this site for several years now from time to time, and basically used it (and others) to help me satisfy my gay tendencies/curiosities/etc. But in the last six months, my "gay side" has intensified a LOT. Why, I'm not sure. It might be because my wife has not aged as well as I have, honestly. The sex isn't the same, and that has led to lack of emotional intimacy too. And call me shallow, call me a bad person, but I've had a couple craigslist hookups in the last 6 months with guys wearing wedding rings. Nothing beyond a little jacking off -- the first time to completion, the last time not. That last one, pretty recent, left me with of feeling of OK, enough, this male attraction thing, it's more fantasy than real. As I should've anticipated, the guy said he was my age and sent a pic suggesting he looked a lot like me, but he ended up fat, bald, etc.

So by yesterday morning I had resigned myself to the fact that the internet will be good enough for me. Read some stories on this site, do a little JO once in a while, and I'm good. I woke up feeling that I'm not much attracted to guys emotionally, as I am and have been to women over the years and indeed to my wife. I woke up feeling that most of these guys on craigslist won't end up being as advertised anyway, that this is silly, that I need to wake up and work on my marriage.

Um ...

Well, yesterday, during a large-group "event," something happened. My wife wasn't there, and I was definitely not on the prowl for women or for God's sake men. But I ended up having an emotions-based, relationship-oriented "rush" that I haven't had since -- I hate to say -- I met my wife. And yes, it was with a guy. A very attractive guy, my age but also looking about 10 years younger, professional, college-educated, etc., not married, but with a teenage kid.

We REALLY seemed to hit it off. Under most circumstances, I would've gone away from such an event happy, thinking hey, another buddy, great!, we can do lunch, help each other's careers, look forward to golf, etc.

I went away from the event turned on, confused, and unprepared for the lack of sleep I ended up getting.

The guy was new to the group, as I once was, so I did what nobody did for me when I was new: sought him out right away and then during breaks, made sure he had somebody to talk to, etc. I could tell he was looking at me from time to time. During social time at the end of the event, sure enough, he sought me out, and we basically spent an hour and a half together, talking about stuff guys usually don't talk about. He's got some family shit going on, and so do I (not at all related to my marriage), and we just got the sense that we could understand some of what the other guy was going through.

For sure I signaled that I wanted to be his friend and he did the same. But there was much more there: we had that level of direct eye contact that you usually don't get and receive unless there's something more, a couple probing questions from both of us that went answered, some touches to the elbow that went returned, an invitation to get together sometime. Usually but not always this has been with women for me.

What happened at the end of the night is what really sent me for a spin. At the end, there were three of us standing -- him, me, and a younger woman who was trailing after him a little who probably had no idea how old he was. I sat down first, and he scampered to the seat next to me and let the woman sit by herself.

I don't remember who pressed whose knee into the other guy's first, but neither of us moved a muscle, for 10 minutes. I wanted to put my hand on his, or maybe his knee, but she would've seen it. Then it was time to go. I had to give somebody else a ride home, so the guy and I said goodnight with something significantly more than a guy hug, and some words that I can't really recall but that I do know were not your typical "let's do lunch" stuff.

To say I'm confused is an understatement. I purposefully haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, because I feared what I'd learn from it. This was just one night, of course, but I fear my own version of that movie has a decent chance of playing out, if not with this guy, somebody else.

I haven't felt this way in years, and almost always it's been with women, and happily so for me and for them. There have been no more than 2 guys in my entire life from whom I've sent and received these sorts of messages. (Yes, over the years, I've signaled to a couple guys I've been interested in them, mainly physically, but the signals have been unreturned.) A fair number of guys have done the same to me, but I've made sure the signals were unreturned.) One of the "mutual signal" guys was a high school friend who's still a great buddy; the other was a roommate when I was in my 20s. We never acted on any of it -- something that I regret, sitting here today.

So ...

I can't help it. A night's sleep (to the degree I slept) did no good. Sitting here this morning, I want to get to know this guy a lot better. I find him attractive in pretty much every way -- not as mere jackoff fantasy material, but as a male human being whom I'd like to get to know better than most guys get to know other guys. He's good looking but not fantastic, certainly not porn-star material (nor would I be -- yeesh!). We're probably about the same in the good-looks department, face-wise, body-type-wise, etc.

Where this could lead, of course, I have absolutely no idea. But there is little question in my mind that there is a spark there going both directions. I know I could be playing with fire regarding my (childless) marriage, and that this just happened, and that I need to cool my jets, but oh my gosh I haven't felt this since I was in my mid-20s, really.

Look, to be honest, if this guy was self-described as gay, I'd steer clear. But the fact that he's got a kid, and the fact that he told me he's in a straight relationship now, but that it's ending (yellow flag??), turned me on even more. My God!

So sitting here this morning, I'd say that neither of us is entirely gay, but from our little "knee play" we're not entirely straight either. And we're both interested in each other.

Any insights for this sleep-deprived guy whose mid-life crisis might be appearing?

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to (the posting side of) JUB! Any insights? Just that I'd say it's about time you made the big decision.

You say that pushing things forward with this guy might be "playing with fire", but honestly, you've been fooling around with lighters for some time. Not just looking at gay porn, but hooking up with other guys. And as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter if it's "just a little jacking off" or if you tied yourself to the sling and gave everybody in the neighborhood a go-round. You did something sexual with somebody else that you don't want your wife to know about. To me, there's a word for that, and that word is "cheating".

Not only that, but apparently this isn't just some random "phase" you're in. You've been scratching this itch in form or another for several years, and apparently it ain't going away. Given this, I'd say you've got a couple options. And no, none of them are pretty.

* You can suck it up, ignore that whole "not so straight" part of your life, and re-devote your time and energy towards your wife.

* You can talk to your wife about it. Seriously. Tell her you're having sexual attractions to guys, and want to open up the relationship.

* You can get divorced. Not only freeing you up to bang whoever, but free her up to find someone else.

To me, these are the only three honest options. And I have a feeling you don't want to hear that. But sorry - I honestly think that's the case. Yes, you have the right to happiness. But so does your wife. And that shouldn't involve being married to a guy who she doesn't know is gay/bisexual, who she doesn't know is pursuing other guys when she's not looking. Either you love her enough to stick with her, love her enough to tell her, or love her enough to set her free so she can find somebody, too.

Lex

 

[NotSoStraight67]

Thanks, Lex.

I'm doing Option No. 1 now and can see not having the strength to keep doing it much longer.

Option No. 2 might not be as disastrous as one might think. My wife loves me. And something tells me she knows I'm struggling. We know LOTS of gay guys and lesbians -- individually and as a couple. She is not judgmental toward same-sex relationships in the least. I think she'd be hurt, I know so actually, but not terribly surprised, and might be eager to help me through this, come what may. I am VERY fortunate, and I am trying not to forget that. She loves me dearly; I love her. We still tell that to each other every day, and mean it. This is my life. So, ...

Option No. 3 would seem to be a rash decision at this point. See, I really thought I'd get turned on with the other 2 guys. I did with the first, sort of, because he was pretty cute, and we just jacked ourselves. No. 2 was gross. He tried to jack me off, but I didn't get hard in the least. Yuck. I thought to myself, if this is as hot as it seems, then maybe it's time start moving toward Option 3.

So what I'm getting at is, and my main problem I think is, that I can't put myself in Bucket A or Bucket B. There are Buckets C through Z there. I feel I don't know which bucket I go in until I give things a whirl -- a whirl, admittedly, I should've taken when I was a teenager. But that was way before the internet, I grew up in a small town, etc.

Would it be cheating if this guy and I did something even remotely sexual? Sure it would. I don't deny it. But I'm serious about this dilemma: Is it the right thing to do to end a different-sex relationship, try to engage in a same-sex relationship, and decide that's not for me? From my self-centered perspective, it's obviously not right for me. And I'm not sure it'd be right for my wife either.

Many will probably disagree with that last statement, and that's fine, I'm a big boy, I can take it. What I would particularly value are some views from guys who have been married to women who have dealt with this, how it unfolded, resolved, didn't resolve, etc.

Look, two guys don't press their knees into each other for 10 mins unless there's something going on.

I know, I'm asking for a lot, and I know some on here disagree that there is such a thing as bisexual, but I really think I'm some variety of that, but perhaps leaning toward the gayer side now.

Thanks.

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, I've got no qualms with calling you bisexual, which is why I used both in my post. But frankly, it doesn't matter whether you're bisexual or strictly gay. And let me muse on this awhile. (Relax, I'll be back.) Because I think it's important.

The fact is - you're into guys. That makes you one or the other. You can subdivide those labels (or buckets) into as many tiny ones as you please, but if you dig guys - which apparently you do - then you're gay or bisexual. That's dictionary definition. It's just the terms we use to describe what you're into. You can call your car a "motorcycle with double wheels and a seating compartment", but don't be surprised if no one else joins you in that...and if everyone else just keeps calling it a car.

I'm harping on this a bit because I wonder about something you wrote in your original post. The fact that this guy wouldn't interest you if he were gay. Why not? I have a couple theories, which kind of overlap. They may or may not be true, to whatever extent.

Theory One is that you've got a disconnect between yourself and gays. Gays are these "other people". They've got high voices, and mince about, and are into fashion, and hate sports. In short, they're a group you don't belong in.

Theory Two is that since this guy isn't gay - he had a girlfriend, and a kid! - then if you do have sex with him, it's not gay. It's two straight guys who like other guys fooling around. Whereas if he were gay, having sex with him would be gay.

These are just guesses (and I think they overlap). But I think they fit the story. Even beyond this guy, you say you've hooked up "with guys with wedding rings". In short, other "straight" guys. Why is that? And why feel the need to say so? I'm not out to rake you over the coals here, but I think this may be important in the long run.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I think you need to sort out your head before you start to get involved with any guy.

The hook-ups...while just for JO's at this point, are a breach of trust between you and your wife and I agree with Ghost...you have to explain to your wife that you have reached a point of confusion in your own life and don't want to hurt her by being a dishonest cheater, but you don't want to hurt her by smothering your desire for men while pretending you are straight and living a frustrated lie for the next 40 years either.

First stop? Maybe a counsellor who is gay friendly and can help you steer the right course.

 

[NotSoStraight67]

Thanks gents.

Ghost, thanks, well said.

Rareboy, more and more I'm thinking a counselor is a good idea. Not a "therapist," but a counselor, because one thing that I've lived with for years is the idea that my flavor bisexuality is bad. That it's good to be straight or gay, but in between is bad and in fact unusual. That's where I'm at. Going to somebody who's going to "turn me gay" seems as ridiculous as these crazy therapists who believe they can get the gay out of you and make you straight. Dumb.

Lex, I know this will come out like people who say "some of my best friends are black,' but I know LOTS of gay guys, most of whom are in committed relationships. Could I see myself in their shoes? Sorry, no. But I'm way beyond the stereotypes that gay men are "other people" with high voices, hate sports, etc. Um, no. I can't really say what my deal is, because I'd be on the verge of disclosing a little bit too much, but let's just say the gathering yesterday included a large percentage of men in committed relationships with other men. I know they're gay because they show up at some events with their partners.

Stated another way, from my perspective I don't think I fit the stereotype you describe. Of course, I'm biased, so ...

Anyway, I said that I couldn't see myself in their shoes. Not until VERY recently. Until the last couple months in particular, men were fun to look at but not touch. Lex, yes, that's changing. I'm changing. Last night was a light bulb moment, and I'm just trying to come to grips. It's still very fresh, so maybe I should've let this rest for a bit, but it's eating at me. I need to weigh this against the fact that I've known my wife for FIFTEEN YEARS. That is a long time. This is not a movie. This is not someone else's life. This is mine. And our life together, obviously, whether it continues or not. Hurts me to say so,but that's the way it is, I know.

I think I might be attracted to this guy with a kid in part because he MIGHT be somebody who's in a predicament like mine. Yes, that attracts me. That attracts me for emotional reasons. Does that make him "safe," i.e. like the guys with "wedding rings"? Probably. I appreciate your "guess" in that regard, and I think you might be right on that. Even if not, I appreciate that you and others are willing to take time to respond and try to help me are making me think, and think twice.

 

[spencer]

Gay guys that want to spend the rest of their lives with men can also like masculine gay guys. In fact, I like the strength that masculine gay guys give and I'm a masculine one myself. Often times guys thing they can't have emotions for men, but people are people and anyone can be loved.

Have you always been curious? What about in high school and as a young adult? Would you pass up fooling around with a hot young woman if she offered it?

 

[rareboy]

Rareboy, more and more I'm thinking a counselor is a good idea. Not a "therapist," but a counselor, because one thing that I've lived with for years is the idea that my flavor bisexuality is bad. That it's good to be straight or gay, but in between is bad and in fact unusual. That's where I'm at. Going to somebody who's going to "turn me gay" seems as ridiculous as these crazy therapists who believe they can get the gay out of you and make you straight. Dumb.

I agree. And by gay friendly counsellor, I hope you'd meet someone who'd appreciate the nuances of sexual identity and attraction and not someone who is going to conform to either straight or gay identity.

 

[Telstra]

Have you seen "American Beauty" the movie.

You are similar to that married guy but better than him.

 

[Just_Believe18]

First of all, I would like to say, NotSoStraight67, that you sound like a very mature and intelligent man. I have confidence, that whatever you decide to do, will ultimately be the best decision for you. You have spent a lot of time thinking about this, and present your case very rationally and objectively.

Based on how you responded to Lex's Option #2, I think this is the best choice. For starters, you have breached that trust with your wife. It is important to tell her you've met two men for a jerk-off session. Secondly, as you said, she's your wife of 15 years and if anyone is going to understand you, it's her. Like you said, she understands there's something going on and that you're struggling.

You've reached a crossroad in your life, NotSoStraight67. You're 42 and approaching the point where you have more years behind you than ahead of you. There is no better time than now to make this decision.

 

[Lewis1]

Why In Blue Fuck & Orange Creation Does He Have To Tell His Wife About Him Masturbating With Someone In The Lol That Is So Not Something To Tell

Knee Play Is Definetly A Signal That A Guy Is Receptive Most Guys Are Sensitive About Knee Play And Will Pull Away At The Slightest Tough

You Guys Seem To Have Alot In Common Make Sure To Take The Wheel In You Guys' Friendship And Hang Out

Sounds Like Youve Got A Buddy Who May Understand U Thats Rare

Good Luck

 

[Lewis1]

Thanks gents.

Ghost, thanks, well said.

Rareboy, more and more I'm thinking a counselor is a good idea. Not a "therapist," but a counselor, because one thing that I've lived with for years is the idea that my flavor bisexuality is bad. That it's good to be straight or gay, but in between is bad and in fact unusual. That's where I'm at. Going to somebody who's going to "turn me gay" seems as ridiculous as these crazy therapists who believe they can get the gay out of you and make you straight. Dumb.

Lex, I know this will come out like people who say "some of my best friends are black,' but I know LOTS of gay guys, most of whom are in committed relationships. Could I see myself in their shoes? Sorry, no. But I'm way beyond the stereotypes that gay men are "other people" with high voices, hate sports, etc. Um, no. I can't really say what my deal is, because I'd be on the verge of disclosing a little bit too much, but let's just say the gathering yesterday included a large percentage of men in committed relationships with other men. I know they're gay because they show up at some events with their partners.

Stated another way, from my perspective I don't think I fit the stereotype you describe. Of course, I'm biased, so ...

Anyway, I said that I couldn't see myself in their shoes. Not until VERY recently. Until the last couple months in particular, men were fun to look at but not touch. Lex, yes, that's changing. I'm changing. Last night was a light bulb moment, and I'm just trying to come to grips. It's still very fresh, so maybe I should've let this rest for a bit, but it's eating at me. I need to weigh this against the fact that I've known my wife for FIFTEEN YEARS. That is a long time. This is not a movie. This is not someone else's life. This is mine. And our life together, obviously, whether it continues or not. Hurts me to say so,but that's the way it is, I know.

I think I might be attracted to this guy with a kid in part because he MIGHT be somebody who's in a predicament like mine. Yes, that attracts me. That attracts me for emotional reasons. Does that make him "safe," i.e. like the guys with "wedding rings"? Probably. I appreciate your "guess" in that regard, and I think you might be right on that. Even if not, I appreciate that you and others are willing to take time to respond and try to help me are making me think, and think twice.

ENCORE LEX SWEAR HE KNOWS EVERYTHING

 

[NotSoStraight67]

So appreciative for the feedback ...

The dust is clearing for me. Crisis over for the moment. Have had time to think about this and what you said ...

I haven't seen American Beauty. I don't see many movies, actually. I read the Wikipedia entry about the movie, and to be honest, Telstra, I'm not sure what you're getting at.

Spencer, in answer to your questions: Have you always been curious? (YES, see below) What about in high school and as a young adult? (YES.) Would you pass up fooling around with a hot young woman if she offered it? (NO WAY.)

Now, to fill in the details. You might find this interesting, or you might not. Unfortunately I don't know how old those of you are who posted. If you're not 40 yet, well, all I can say is, I never thought a midlife crisis would happen to me.

Nor do any of you indicate you're bi. So you might have a firsthand sense at where I'm at, but you might not. My additional details in response to Spencer's question are:

I liked boys when I was a boy. When I was 9 or 10 or so, I started liking girls too. I will never forget my first kiss, with a girl, in fourth grade, behind the swimming pool. It was VERY exciting; I felt fireworks. I was putting my hands down girls' shirts in sixth grade, going crazy at slow dances in 7th and 8th grade, got my first "real" girlfriend in 10th grade and was extremely attracted to her, broke up and dated more in 11th-12th grade, did prom, etc., and had a very serious girlfriend in college. And all the while, I liked to look at my cute male classmates' bodies. I really had very little interest in touching them. I probably would have, had one offered. But I never thought to ask. It was more of an appreciation thing. I wondered what they looked like hard, but never saw one.

Got married in my mid-20s. I fell in love and lust hard. I was EXTREMELY attracted to my wife in every way. As for the male stuff, I was just like I was in high school, more or less. No interest whatsoever in having a relationship with a man. I might've jacked one off, to see what it felt like, but that's about it. I might've put his dick in my mouth, but I'd never let him cum there. Still might not, to be honest.

Should I have told my wife? In retrospect, absolutely.

Why did I get married? Easy, guys. With mid-20s bravado, I thought I'd just repress my little fascination/appreciation with the male form, since I was getting laid every night and having every sexual adventure I wanted. I was pretty damn straight, and thought that with frequent sex, it'd stay that way.

Well, guys, then came a career. I worked very hard. Went back to school too, etc. You get tired at night, you know? Sex goes from nightly to weekly, then monthly, then to special events / vacations. My fault; hers too. Sigh. I aged pretty well; my dear wife hasn't as much. We have no kids, which was not a "no sex" thing on our part but rather a conscious decision. Neither of us are kids people, really.

Would I goof around with a hot babe? I wouldn't say no. I look at them all the time, particularly the ones who looked like my wife did, and ones who look like this hot 22-year-old babe I had an affair with during my first job. God, she was great. (I'm her FB friend. ) Am I a bad person? Well, I'm human. Do I look at hot younger (adult) guys too? I do. Would I touch one? No, I really don't think so. It just wouldn't seem right.

But what's amazing to me is this: I don't look at women my age, but I look at guys my age. The good-looking, confident in-shape, smiling, nice eyes, maybe a hint of salt and pepper type guys. And only very, very recently has it dawned on me that being in a "romantic" relationship with a man might age could be possible.

That's what got me to where I'm at. I'd like to think you see why and how I got married, but maybe you don't. But I do. And I know there are tons of guys in my position -- maybe not ones who post here less than 24 hours after a little knee action with a new friend, but lots of guys who got married for rational reasons and are now dealing with this stuff. And we feel stuck. And scared. Well, at least I do.

So that's where I'm at. I appreciate the thoughts and feedback. I'm not kidding when I say this is all very recent for me -- the relationship part, at least. Please put yourselves in my shoes and try to weigh in. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[NotSoStraight67]

Lewis, I was writing while you were posting so didn't see your post till after I responded.

THANKS! That's what I was thinking about the knee stuff. Taking the wheel on a friendship. Wow. Excellent point. Buddy who understands me, etc. I think you could be right.

I think it's possible that I'm on the verge of a good, maybe deep friendship with a man. I've had one or two over the years, but it's been awhile. Before marriage, actually. I could use one. Sitting here, right now, I realize ya gotta be friends before anything else anyway.

Thank you.

 

[Telstra]

Nothing bad NotSoStraight67,
just saying you are similar to that married guy who is attracted to men thats all. Without doing any crime like that guy.

Thats why i said you are better than him.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey NotSoStraight67,

Mate welcome to JUB - well posting on JUB anyway!

I'm going to link to another thread here on the board... and its probably going to shock you and scare you a little... In a way its meant to I guess... Have a read maybe what I'm about to say will make sense.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=277498

Mate, your confusion and doubt is palpable. All of us here feel for you and the place you are in right now. But the reality is you do have some real thinking to do.

I dont think theres any doubt that you've taken the lid off pandoras box... your attraction to guys isnt necessarily growing its just that you are struggling more and more to subdue and control it. And you're right... it will continue to get harder. As a guy who fought his feelings for 25 odd years I can tell you its a losing battle.

Your posts show you struggling with the physical v emotional battle that a lot of us do. While the physical is something we can often control with porn or in your case the odd contact, the emotional is much harder to stifle. After years of learning to shut that part of you down after a porn session your hearts now gotten involved, and thats a whole lot different beast to our brains, rationalization just doesnt work so well!

But that doesnt mean its all bad.

What it does mean is that you need to deal.

Theres no question your an intelligent articulate man, and one who still respects and cares for his wife and family and thats simply the reason you need to take control now. The simply harsh reality here is that your decisions affect more than just you, they affect the heart souls minds and lives of those people around you... the people you love.

You simply cant convince yourself you are not hurting them by even your current actions... because you know you are. And I'm sure that if you look deep into your heart, you'll know that even pursuing this friendship is all based on hoping for more or at least the possibility of more... You're past listening to your own lies mate.

So... where does that leave you? With the hardest path of all. The truth... firstly to yourself... and then to those around you. The trick is to figure out exactly what the truth is for you.

The counselor thing is a great idea... and one you should peruse. To be bisexual is no sin nor crime nor something you can control. But it is something you can deal with.

And then - and before you progress with any further "contact" with guys, talk to your wife. To find out your confused is one thing, for her to find out you have cheated is a whole other thing.

NotSoStraight67, this probably seems harsh and for that I apologise. Somehow being gay or bi seems to put us in hugely unfair and painful positions that others cant imagine. And for that mate you have my sympathy and understanding, and my admiration at your courage to seek advice and the honesty of others.

For me its as simple as this. The genies out of the bottle. The question is simply whether you want a lose lose situation or the real possibility od salvaging some good if you deal with this now.

Good luck mate... and we're here any time you need us... even if we are a little harsh

 

[UC3543]

Do you have kids? if you do, then I say you need to stay with your wife and just deal with it. IMO you gave up the the right to bail once you have kids

 

[justsimon]

I agree with the suggestions to talk to your wife and a counselor. I also think you need to stop hanging out with this guy until then.

 

[Lucas07]

^ no he doesn't have kids as stated in his previous posts

I am in no position to give you advice, as I am young and haven't even started 'life' yet. I do admire you for being brave and how great you write. Like everyone said, you seem to be an intelligent man, and i think i can have a little bit of trust that you'll do the right thing.

I can imagine how hard it must be to be in your position, and to others going through the same thing. I wish you all the best and happiness.

Hugs

 

[NotSoStraight67]

Wow.

Lucas, thanks for reading closely and for your support. This is very difficult, and I would not wish it on anybody regardless of age, and it really does come as a surprise for me and probably many others. I understand that many of you who dealt with things at a much younger age than I am have difficulty understanding how or why this could've been a surprise, but ...

Tallguy, the thread is chilling, you're right. I'm not sure what I'd do if my wife ended up writing something like that. I'd like to say I'd NEVER be so reckless, but that's easy to say, sitting here on the couch, after she's gone to bed. Openness is the best policy, no doubt about it. That being said, I'm not going to go wake her up right now and do it. Uh-uh.

Your post was not harsh; you have no need to apologize. I agree with much of it. This sentence in particular resonates: "The trick is to figure out exactly what the truth is for you." While the physical attraction has been there for years in various forms (mainly just appreciating naked male bodies), the emotional stuff is very, very new to me. In that regard, I'm probably a 15-year-old gay boy in a 42-year-old body. (Well, maybe. ) In all seriousness, I'm not sure what the truth is. Maybe a talented counselor can help me figure that out.

Sinfulsimon, you're the first of the posters (I believe) to have both an age and bisexuality posted. It's great to hear from a bi guy. FYI, at your age, 27, I was screwing my (soon-to-be) wife and considered myself probably a .5 on the 0-to-6 scale. Now, I'm probably a 4.5. Not hanging out with this guy is not an option. I will see him at least twice a week for the foreseeable future because of the organization we're in. That's how I've met him. From what I've learned about him so far, he had a toddler when he was 27. He's mature, professional, has a great smile, enjoys wine (as do I), and seems to be, all around, a beautiful man. And as of a few hours ago, he's my Facebook friend.

Will we be friends off of Facebook? I'm pretty damn sure. "Just friends?" Maybe. "More than friends?" Well, I agree, I need to think loooong and hard before going down that road. And maybe I misread him. After all, my gaydar is in infancy. But I don't think I did.