We're friends but I think it could be more..

[Kitesurfboi]

OK so I met this guy online maybe 5months back, lets call him S. We chatted on and off through MSN for months and then about 2 months back we started talking more often. Randomly one night he asked me to come out for a drink, it wasnt a date he was just being social and another guy he'd been talking to on MSN for months but never met was there too. Anyways we all got on great, was a late night and me and S end up in bed for a jerk off.

So next day we talk on MSN again whilst I'm at work and he says if we're friends that shouldnt happen again. However I kinda think he's hot, but anyways we hang out later that week. We spend all afternoon and night drinking in a bar, go out for dinner, do dinner and a movie. Its all good. Then one night on MSN the chat get very sexual again, mostly him asking questions of me, what I like, my experiences etc. I do a bit of a cam show for him and it was fun.
I we meet later that week and he's cool again, back to friends. I get drunk and ask to kiss him and he says no, just friends remember. Every time we talk its very flity and its often quite sexual but in person I feel he's holding back.
I do know he's looking for jobs, not exclusively in this city and I think that might be why he's holding back. Thing is tho we hang out alot, just the two of us, and its amazing. But the whole time I'm just thinking how I would love to be naked again with him.

What should I do? How can I escalate things. He might not get a job in a different city and if he does it could be months down the line, I dont think we should be missing this oppotunity, he's be a great BF. How do I find out what holding him back without ruining the friendship??

 

[ridinghorses1]

"How do I find out what holding him back without ruining the friendship??"

Maybe you could just ask him. Are you two into "friends with benefits?" Otherwise, he's already rejected you, so you should honor his wishes and find some other guy to date.

 

[G-Lexington]

It seems like he's the one who is announcing what your relationship is at any given time. "We're JO buddies", "we're just friends", "you can cam for me". Why don't you tell him precisely what YOU want? "Look, I like you. I like being your friend, and I like going to bed with you. I'd like to do both. Is there a reason we can't?"

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I don't think he's worth the effort.

 

[KaraBulut]

Don't be surprised if there's another part of this story that you haven't heard about yet.

As in... he has a boyfriend... or a wife.

Be clear to yourself about what you want from this guy. Tell him what you want.

If he can't deliver, then no more jerkoff sessions and no more webcam shows. And ask yourself exactly what is in this "friendship" for you.

 

[Kitesurfboi]

Last weekend he invited me round to his, to meet some of his mates and we had drinks at his then went out to a club. I ended up back at his we talked and there was alot of contact and we ended up cuddling up in bed together. The following day there was cuddling, kissing and alot of briefs-on grinding, he came lol.
We also talked and he said that I'm still sorting things out and it wouldnt work. He said he wasnt looking for a relationship right now and that he doesnt know where his job will take him as he's newly qualified but unemployed at the moment. The other thing he said was he would rather have a good friend than a failed realtionship. These were all words but the way his body reacted to me said he wants me and it wouldnt have happened twice if he didnt. Yesterday after some text chat he slipped into the convo,"you know saturday shouldnt have happened". So I dunno what to do, should I forget it or just keep doing what I'm doing and prove to him that I am ready and he can get alot out of spending time with me? It might not work but I would like the chance to try where as at the moment he seems to have called it quits before we've even tried

 

[rareboy]

Yup.

Forget him.

Stop pining.

Don't push it.

Move on.

 

[G-Lexington]

Believe his words, not his actions. Perhaps you'll get to fool around with him here or there, but 99% of the time, he's gonna be telling you nothing is gonna happen. So nothing is gonna happen beyond what you have now. If you're totally happy being friends with grinding benefits, hey, enjoy yourself. But you presumably have more to offer than that.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

We also talked and he said that I'm still sorting things out and it wouldnt work. He said he wasnt looking for a relationship right now and that he doesnt know where his job will take him as he's newly qualified but unemployed at the moment. The other thing he said was he would rather have a good friend than a failed realtionship.

Where do they learn that tired old speech about not wanting a relationship right now? It must be like peeing standing up, yawning, farting and sneezing- something that comes with the reptilian part of the male brain.

These were all words but the way his body reacted to me said he wants me and it wouldnt have happened twice if he didnt. Yesterday after some text chat he slipped into the convo,"you know saturday shouldnt have happened".

Ah, yes. "Post-orgasmic" remorse. Another male reptilian brain feature.

Forgive my cynicism but this is the way this scenario has played out for thousands of guys and girls, in thousands of places and thousand of times.

So I dunno what to do, should I forget it or just keep doing what I'm doing and prove to him that I am ready and he can get alot out of spending time with me? It might not work but I would like the chance to try where as at the moment he seems to have called it quits before we've even tried

You know the answer, right?

This guy runs hot and cold like plumbing in an old house.

You'd be better off with a new house with better plumbing.


Repeat to yourself, "I deserve better than this". Now believe it and get out there and find someone else.