What Do You Do When You Feel Alone?

[erobert]

This might be a strange question but what do you do when you feel like your the only gay guy around? Yes I know that thought is irrational but when I get into a mood it creeps up on me. I already know half the answer to my problem but need help with the rest.

Yesterday I got into one of those moods when I was coming home on the train. Teenage lovers and families all around heading back to the suburbs and I suddenly felt very alone because I don't have anyone and I don't know anyone who is like me and the only thing I could think of to take the loneliness away was browse these forums, which did help a bit.

Living in the suburbs doesn't help and only compounds the effect due to the heteronormative attitudes/ families in the burbs. Moving out of the parents and in my own place in the city will help but not completely.

And surprisingly despite my college being one of the most gay freindly in the nation there don't seem to be that many gay guys like myself.

I am thinking of joining sort of club, team or some sort of activity to get out of the house more and expanding my social circle.

Hopefully someone understands what I'm talking about.

 

[G-Lexington]

Been there. Sort of. I was actually stuck in a small town (50,000) in a conservative part of town. I was certainly the only gay person my co-workers had met. So I had to sort of bide my time until I could move. I didn't hate my time there, really - just focused on work and the platonic friendships I had. And this was rather pre-internet, so I didn't even have that. Just jerked off a lot.

>>>I am thinking of joining sort of club, team or some sort of activity to get out of the house more and expanding my social circle.

Stop thinking. Start doing.

Lex

 

[looseliam]

I, too, was relegated to the Chicago burbs for some time.

It really is gay hell.

You have to get out of the burbs. That's what did it for me.

But as for the lonely part, the voices in my head keep me company =]

 

[lonnie1]

There's a whole gay district in Chicago. I agree. You have to get out of the burbs.
However, having said that, until you meet Mr. Right or have some very good gay friends you can talk to it won't matter where you live. What you're missing is a really good gay friend to help you through those down periods. One other suggestion is to find a chat forum where you can visit with other gay men.

 

[rainman256]

I know how you feel. I'm in the 'burbs' of Chicago right now, and it's 1.5 hours by train to get into the city. I don't have very many gay friends who live out here (one, really), so at times, it does get lonely.

So I set a goal for myself to move into the city next year.

I know this might not be an option for you right now since you're in the middle of college. But I think you're on the right track -- joining a club or a group will help because it will get you out and socializing which will help out a lot. I noticed the times I would feel most lonely were the times I wasn't socializing and keeping busy. When I do socialize and keep myself busy, I don't feel lonely. I think you have the right idea

 

[goodbyemountainman]

When I know I'm lonely, I listen to some music and cry by myself. You know, to get the pain of out of my chest. Then I will go to sleep early and get up about 5 AM and ride my bike around town. It's just a temporary fix, makes you feel a little bit better for a day only. But that's how I deal with my loneliness.

 

[rahulxxx]

I know exactly what you rae talking about. I come from a country where 90 % of the population is homphobic(as is the general perception). I feel alone almost all the time. i just read, watch television and listen to music. Lately, I have even cut-off from the straight freinds i had, because i know they are homphobic! So, I am all by myself. I know the feeling. It's disconcerting.

 

[yehme2]

I have those feelings too sometimes, where I feel the only person alive inspite of being in a heavily populated city.

What i do is:

1. Listen to inspiring music
2. Go the gym (best medicine!!!)
3. Smoke cigarettes (but this is bad and im starting to quit so dont do it, i dont even know why i mentioned it. )
4. Phone a friend you havent seen in a long time and maybe plan an something.
5. Masturbate. lol
6. Speak to yo mama

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

Sunday's can be bad for me and sometimes like yesterday I go to the club for the Sunday T-dance around sunset. Its always crowded by then and most are with friends and drinking.
I watch the drama and the trendy, and if I'm lonely but not into the party scene I sit back and watch.
Within a hour or so I've had my fill and head for home asap thinking being alone is not so bad compared to that mess.
Some days I jump right in and get mixed up in it.
Point is the grass always seems greener but we're all alone at times, even if you were in a sea of others who are the same as you.

 

[terps420]

Whenever I feel like I'm the only sexual-minority on the planet, I basically call up my friends and bring up topics that they'll only ever hear from me. Straight guy friends are really good at this, 'cause sex-talk is so common, I've found that my close friends sometimes live out their repressed "gay" feelings vicariously through me (all the questions they ask, the statements they say, the hypotheticals, etc).

Just 'cause you're the only one doesn't mean you're alone. Do everything you can to remind you of that.