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what happend!!!

B

blues9

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OK long story short:Never been with a guy,but was always curious about.A month ago I meet this friend of my sister and I fell for him.This has never happend to me before.At first I thought I imagine things,but then I notice that he can't take his eyes away from me.He started chatting with me,it seems we have a lot of incommon.We even went out couple of times(not just the two of us,some other friends to).The thing is I'm not sure he's gay.Every time I brought the subject he is making jokes that he's into men,that he's tired of woman.This last week he's ignoring me,but he asks my sister about me.Why is he ignoring me?Is it all in my head,or am I missing something?Like I said I've never been in a situation like this,I don't know what to do.All I now is that I want him so bad.
Thanks for reading
 
i'm 60% he's gay or bi at least and likes you, he's just not sure he wants something to happen with you, maybe because of your sister, i'd say you should come out to him, or you two go out and get drunk...
 
OK, do you really really really, want to know if this guy is gay?

Or are you more interested in the drama and angst of the possibility?

What do you want out of this?

Because there’s a surefire way to find out - you ask. You ask him out. You tell him you’re gay. You’ll get your answer fast.

If what you want out of this is the thrill of the is he/isn’t he, don’t do anything. You can analyze everything he says and does to your heart's content.
 
I don't really want to know if he's gay or not.I'm not in this for the drama.I'm trying to figure out if he's into me.Finding out if he's gay doesn't solve the problem.
On the other hand you can't just ask people you meet a month ago:'hey there are you gay?'That just scares them away.You're right,I can't analyze everything he says and does but I was hoping to get some relationship advice from someone more experienced.Some pointers where to start from.
Thanks for your reply anyway
 
Well the problem is that you don't have a relationship to give advice about.

What you've got is a crush and a suspicion.

We can't tell you if this guy is gay or interested. We don't know him, nor do we know how accurate your perspective of the situation is.

You certainly can go up to someone and ask if they're gay. You can start by telling him you're gay. You can ask him out. Any of those things tells you if he's gay or interested.

If you won't do any of those, I fear you're never going to get anywhere at all. That's pretty much the best advice you'll get.

Either act - in some fashion or other, or wonder and get nowhere.
 
I hate to admit,but you're right.Thank you.I must do something.Maybe I wont ask him if he's gay,but I'm definitely going to ask him out.Hope it will turns well.
 
Look, what I’m trying to do is get you to think about where this is going.

What do you want?

What you want is going to drive what you do. If you just want a friend you’re going to have a different M.O. than if you want a hook up, or if you want to date this guy.

It’s also possible that you’re enjoying the thrill of the possibility – and that’s as far as you want to go. That’s fine, but that also is going to dictate how you go about this.

It’s also possible that you’re completely mistaken and this guy isn’t gay.

You know, a lot of these kinds of threads go on and on about what the OTHER guy is doing, getting increasingly more lurid until the OP posts that the guy is dry humping him in bed at night and “OH MY GOD does that mean he’s gay?” But nothing ever comes of it. The saga simply continues.

Well, if you think that he’s gay, and you’re pretty sure it’s not in your head, you can avoid that fate by taking some pretty simple steps. Starting with the simple act of letting him know possibility is on the table – let him know you are gay. You don't have to ask him out immediately, in fact I'd suggest that you don't, just let it slip you're into guys, then give him some time to adjust. If he then reacts favorably ask him out.

That doesn’t guarantee you’re going to get what you want, he may be gay and not interested. You may still be wrong and he’s straight. But at least you no longer have to live in suspense.


It's your life and your choice, you know your situation better than any of us, the best advice I can give you, is to think about where you want this to go, then make a plan. Then do something about it.
 
^ Sounds like a good approach.
 
thanks a lot TX,you've been a great help.now i have a diferent view on the situation,I can't live in suspension anymore.I must admit the thrill carried me away,but I'm tired od analizing every move or conversation. I've never been with a guy before but all my prvious "crashes" were kind of:I wanna have sex with this guy.But this time it's like:I wanna just be with this guy.So I'm guessing I wanna date this guy.Hope it will ends well.Thanks again
 
OK.Now I'm more confused.I've told him that I'm into guys(which by the way wasn't very pleasant for me).He said:you can't deny the truth or yourself.It's foolish of you that you hide that.He contact me the next day,asking where I'll be for the night.I told him and he said:that's close to where I'll be,you should stop by.I went there but I learned from his friends that he never show up.Later that night he contact me on the net.We talk for hours.He said he was very tired and because of that he stayed home all night.He was telling me about how his apartment terrace has a great view.I said:That's great,we should drink some coffee there.He immediately change the subject.It felt like empty silence.I don't know what to do next.Should I let it go,should I push it harder or should I wait some time?
 
What you should do is leave it in his court. If he wants to know where you are, tell him, and then go live your life. You present the opportunity, he avails him self or not. You are in charge of your life, and it’s too short to spend it in thrall to the suspense of someone else’s ambiguity.

If he’s interested at all, he’ll come find you. If he doesn’t, well, there was no hope in the first place. You had the guts to make the first step, you did the right thing. Now, it's up to him.

Stop worrying about what’s in his head and worry about yourself. If there is to be a chase, let him chase you. If he doesn't, you have nothing to regret anyway.
 
Congratulations by the way on having the balls to be honest.

I raise my glass to you.
 
Stop fishing. Ask. "You know, I've been trying to get a bead on whether you're gay or not, but I really can't come to any conclusion either way."

Lex
 
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