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What is it with all this cuddling?

M

Mikael176

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I'm relatively new to the guy-on-guy scene, having finally admitted to myself in the past year that I am a bisexual. Currently, I'm dating a really nice guy that satisfies me in so many ways, it's unbelievable.

My only complaint, if you want to call it that, is his obsession with cuddling. In fact, I've noticed that gay guys, in general, love to cuddle, even when they just met the person.

Don't get me wrong, I like cuddling, but not all the time and certainly not with strangers. If I'm on a date that leads to the bedroom, I'm there to fool around, even if it doesn't lead to sex. I'm not there to look into a strangers eyes and cuddle.

My question is this? Why do gay guys (as opposed to bisexuals) love this cuddling thing so much? Am I wrong to not like it? If I am, what should I do?

The guy I'm dating isn't happy that I don't like doing it and that is starting to affect our relationship. He thinks I don't like him, which isn't true. I should add that I don't like cuddling with women either, and never have.

Thanks for your comments.
 
some people just don't like cuddling, myself included.. Once I have sex and cum, I have no interest in it either. Not exactly sure why but glad to know im not alone thinking like this.
 
Cuddling isn't necessary for me. Especially if it's just a one time thing. If we're gonna be sleeping in the same bed then damn right we're gonna cuddle a little Lol.
 
Even straight guys don't want their GF's cuddling all the time, it's to each his own. I like it when were alone because it's so personal, but not in public, it seems to cheapen it.
 
Because touching feels fucking awesome.

Mikael176 said:
If I'm on a date that leads to the bedroom, I'm there to fool around, even if it doesn't lead to sex. I'm not there to look into a strangers eyes and cuddle.
Click to expand...

Wait a sec...if there is no sex and no cuddling, then what exactly entails "fooling around" here? o_O
 
well male bisexuals think if they just have sex with a guy with no intimacy then they are bisexual and not gay---you could just go to a glory hole--no cuddling there.;)
 
I like Cuddling, but usually if I'm the one on the "outside". :badgrin:

Otherwise, it's simply a question of being Too Warm when I'm the "inside" spoon. #-o

Then, again, might it's also being a question of "Control"? :confused:

However, when I've been in the "right" mood, being the one cuddled/hugged, has also proved to be quite Awesome! (group)

I guess it all depends on the Guy, the Weather (Hot/Cold), and whether the Snuggling is before, or after, the "Action"! \:/ :lol:

In any case ... and No Matter What ...

Keep Smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
I love cuddling but it honestly comes down to the situation. Sometimes we'll be fooling around, about to get to the point of having sex and then we'll both realize we'd rather just hold each other for a while. To me it's a lot more intimate. It's really hard for me to sleep while cuddling. I get too warm, among other things.
 
It sounds like this is an affectionate guy. Some men are chilly in their temperament, and some guys are warm (same as women). Cuddling is a way of expressing caring. If it's not for you, and your guy feels differently, the question is whether or not it's a deal breaker. If he thinks it is, then it is.
What i'm focused on though, is this line: "I'm dating a really nice guy that satisfies me in so many ways, it's unbelievable." Are you not realizing he's the kind of guy who enjoys giving? Warm (read: romantic) guys will eventually want intimacy and part of that is kissing and holding you (although not to suffocation). If you're unromantic, this is something you need to discuss with him. He won't stay forever if he has to suppress the part of his nature that you appear to not be particularly fond of. I've dated the 'non-cuddling' guy. It's not for me, but growing up, I saw families that never touched, hugged, or kissed and the kids pick it up, too. I usually find out what a guy's family was like growing up, and if they weren't demonstrative, I at least know what to expect.
Talk to him about this, or else let him find someone who will be affectionate back.
 
shawnyqueer said:
It's really hard for me to sleep while cuddling. I get too warm, among other things.
Click to expand...


^ Please tell us about "other things"........ ;)
 
Mikael176 said:
I'm relatively new to the guy-on-guy scene, having finally admitted to myself in the past year that I am a bisexual. Currently, I'm dating a really nice guy that satisfies me in so many ways, it's unbelievable.

My only complaint, if you want to call it that, is his obsession with cuddling. In fact, I've noticed that gay guys, in general, love to cuddle, even when they just met the person.

Don't get me wrong, I like cuddling, but not all the time and certainly not with strangers. If I'm on a date that leads to the bedroom, I'm there to fool around, even if it doesn't lead to sex. I'm not there to look into a strangers eyes and cuddle.

My question is this? Why do gay guys (as opposed to bisexuals) love this cuddling thing so much? Am I wrong to not like it? If I am, what should I do?

The guy I'm dating isn't happy that I don't like doing it and that is starting to affect our relationship. He thinks I don't like him, which isn't true. I should add that I don't like cuddling with women either, and never have.

Thanks for your comments.
Click to expand...

If you're not interested in showing any kind of affection, you're not really interested in a relationship. The way you put it, it's like you'd be much happier if you could treat each other more like strangers who fuck. The whole point of dating someone and having a relationship is so you don't have to treat each other like strangers any more. If you don't like him looking into your eyes, spare him the hassle as much as yourself and move on. But don't expect any different from the next person, unless you stick to anonymous hook-ups.
 
Mikael176 said:
...Currently, I'm dating a really nice guy that satisfies me in so many ways, it's unbelievable.

...

The guy I'm dating isn't happy that I don't like doing it and that is starting to affect our relationship. He thinks I don't like him, which isn't true. I should add that I don't like cuddling with women either, and never have.

...
Click to expand...

This sounds like you're looking more for a fuckbuddy than a boyfriend. Do him a favor and end the "relationship" and find someone with the same [sexual] interest.
 
What I wanted to know, but forgot to ask is, what do you mean by cuddling" all the time"? Does it feel "needy" (requiring cuddling to fill a hole in the heart )as opposed to "affectionate" (giving)?
And you are pretty far off base about "gay guys," man. I know guys who can barely stand to keep their face pressed up against the guy they're dating for any longer than it takes to move from first base to second base. Where'd you get the idea that it's a "gay thing"? It's a MALE thing. As in "men don't show affection," "men don't cry," and all the other stuff "men" don't go. Most of us were raised by straight parents. We learned "straight" ways. That's why so many guys are screwed up: they haven't learned that what mom and dad told them is based on how "mom and dad's" parents raised them. You DO know this stuff gets passed on from parent to child, and then keeps being perpetrated from generation to generation, right? Look at your own parents. Wait, I take that back. They may be very different now, but what we learn emotionally is from what our parents were like when we were 2, 3, 4 and 5 - not at 16 or 17. None of this stuff is "gay men" related. I'd suggest changing your thinking and asking questions. it doesn't sound like you have: you've come to this conclusion all on your own without dialogue with the other guy. If he's needy, that's one thing, but if he feels romantic towards you, your actions are just telling him that you don't want romance. I had a number of boyfriends who like RECEIVING affection, but were not great at giving it back. It became clear after a while, this was not a good match if we couldn't talk about it. If we could, then at least I knew they wanted to be with me. But if they didn't, it told me they were too cold for me AND non-communicative and that's the kiss of death. You are what you are - and so is he. His "satisfying" you is not the same thing as you feeling all tender and sweet toward him. Do you satisfy him (outside of the bedroom, I mean) the way he satisfies you? If not, well, you should know the answer to that. And how old are you? I can see guys in the 20s struggling with emotional stuff, because that's what they 20s are like: finding yourself. But if you're older, and you don't like cuddling with women either, than this is who you are. You want to cuddle 10 minutes and that's it. Nothing wrong with it, unless you're the only one in this relationship who knows that particular part of your personality. But a relationship is about 2 (or, in some cases, 3) people. It's like having a battalion and you're the commanding officer, but you haven't told any of the guys under your command what the strategy is. They're likely to get killed without knowing what's going on in your head. That would make you a lousy C.O. START TALKING.

Heck, I wish "all" gay guys WERE into affection. I can tell you from 30 years in San Francisco, staring in the early 70s - WAY before AIDS was ever heard of - there were plenty of gay guys just as non-cuddling then as some of us seem to be now. Knowing that you can make someone happy - or can't - is one of the first signs of being able to have a mature relationship. Again: START TALKING.
 
He seems needy and thereby likes lots of cuddling. I like it, to a degree. But I think he is going overboard. Didn't mean to generalize, sorry.
 
Well, if it's "needy," that changes the perspective. You'll still need to talk to him, because if he's doing all this "nice" stuff and it's not because he enjoys it, but because he feel uncertain whether or not you'll like him if he's not "doing'' things to make you happy, that's not going to make either of you happy. But if you think he's needy and yet you're letting him do all this satisfaction stuff for you, then you're also creating the issue. Encouraging someone who's needy is a bit of a setup for a reject-accept scenario. It's a bit like the woman who doesn't like the guy, but always says yes when he asks her out. she can't then complain he's around too much. If you're letting him satisfy you in "unbelievable" ways, then you're feeding the fire.
 
@ the OP

I find it interesting that you seem to present it as some failing on his part instead of your own.

Your 'relationship' is going to fail.

Hopefully both of you will meet a bf that will meet all sexual as well as emotional needs.
 
If someone does not like cuddling, get into swinging.... =;
....otherwise you are likely leading someone on, that wants to be in a relationship.​
 
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