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What is Love?

ShamWow

ShamWow

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I work at this grocery store and I'm the bookkeeper. This guy, we'll just call him Ross (I was watching FRIENDS right now...lol) and well this Ross guy is really cute. I mean..whatever..the thing is I like him and I don't know if he likes me. I get a somewhat gay vibe from him but I don't want to humiliate myself.

So this is our story...or my version of it. :D

He worked at my store one day at the business center and I worked in bookkeeping that day. The office is right next to the BC so if the cashier needs change he can just walk into the office and we can talk while the customers wait..lol Anyway, he's the type of guy that is always making little jokes and laughing but not like Chandler-annoying. He's just one of those guys that you like spending time with because they're always in a good mood, or at least it seems like that. So that day every time he kept going into the office we'd talk or whatever and I offered to buy pizza for the both of us after his shift was over. He got out at 8:30 while I had to close at midnight. I took my lunch when he got out and we went to the breakroom and we started eating and talking about random things. Then this other guy goes to the breakroom and Ross offers him a slice which the other guy agrees to. Then he asks this other guy "Hey you used to work at Corporate 111" or whatever and the guy says that he did and they start talking and Ross says something about him liking this girl in the Pharmacy and that he had proclaimed his love for her but that she was taken...that kind of bummed me out because I thought "Oh well, now he owe's me 12 bucks for the pizza"..jk but still..

After we went down he told me to call him whenever they needed extra ppl to work in the BC because he needed to complete his hours. I asked for his phone but he seemed awkward about it and he said he was ashamed to admit he didn't have a cell phone and that he would give me his brother's number...I told him it was fine. The following week I call him to see if he wanted to work for me and he said he would call me back but when he didn't he showed up a week later to my job to apologize and said he didn't have a car either..? He says he got a number and gives it to me and I noticed it was a Pocket number (the lowest charging phone carrier, I guess) and I'm not at all judging him but I'm letting anything go to my head and think "What if he got this number to give to me so i could call him whenever...?" UGH, that sounds like such BS now...but anyway, I call him to tell him that there's a position available in my store for bookkeeping and that if he was interested in applying. He said he was but he didn't know anyone in the store to be comfortable working there but that he'd consider it...later I found out from a manager that he had spoken with him about the position. I gave him a call and he said that he hadn't heard from him. So Ross tells me that he would show up the next day and bring me food to repay me for the time I had ordered pizza and I told him it wasn't necessary and that I could give him the number to the manager so he could call on the status of the position he was seeking. He said that he'd rather show up to my job so we could eat together (or maybe he was just going to bring me food and leave..?lol) He showed up last night around 10 pm and says that he was embarrassed that he didn't bring any food (again to which I don't care as long as he was there)..and he just asked about Orlando (the manager) and if there was any update which there wasn't and he'd knew there wouldn't be...The thing is, I could have given him the number the day before over the phone but he wanted to go my job....? Maybe to be courteous?

After that topic he lingered for a bit and we talked about random things again and I remember asking if he was going to do anything later on at night and he said that he had plans with his friend that's a girl (not girlfriend) but that she canceled and we just made fun of her (even though I don't know her..lol) and said that he was going to sleep earlier because he was going fishing the next morning. He then asked if I was going to do anything and I said something like "Oh, I'm going to text my friend if he wants to meet with me after I get out to eat or something but he'll probably says that it's too late" and made it seem like oh Why don't WE do something..lol He said "I'd accompany you but I don't have any $$" And that he felt bad not bringing me any food (again, I don't care) but that he owes me still a meal. He said his mother was waiting in the truck but if I still had his number to call him so maybe we could go fishing or something sometime...I lied and said that I had gone fishing before but all I caught was litter and he lol'd...I then texted him to see if he was busy and he said he was going to eat something his mom had prepared earlier and I texted him back something like "Oh, I was gonna ask if you wanted to eat somewhere but I see that you're eating and I forgot that you have to wake up early to go fishing" (I did not forget that obviously..lol) and he said that he got out of work the next day at 11 pm and Ithat if wanted to eat tomorrow after I got out (again at midnight)...So there's that for tomorrow...

Now my thing is...how do I find out if A. he's gay, B. he's interested and C. what his favorite ice cream flavor is..? Okay, scratch that last one but I do want to proceed with caution. I mean, he's a really nice guy and other ppl have told me that they get gay vibes from him...but I don't know.

And I'm not that good of a conversationalist so I'm afraid it's going to be a lot of awkward pauses. I mean, I could bring up several topics like his fishing experience, the job...um, what else? lol

So...can someone guide me? Show me the way to a decent night out? Thanks and I'm not going to apologize for the long post because I know several ppl like reading long posts...but I will apologize for the rambling...:P
 
Just continue what you're doing and become good buddies with him. It sounds like a good start so just have fun with it (keep lying to a minimum). He sounds like he's comfortable with you. Does he know about your sexual preference? If he does that increases your chances even more.

Ask him how he got into fishing and talk about other things he likes to do.

BTW, he most likely got a cell phone so that jobs he apply for can call him.
 
^you're right about that cell phone thing...lol I just keep making crap up in my head and then I start believing it...and about the lying it was one lie about the fishing..I'm not at all a fan of lying...at least not the ones that can hurt ppl but I guess i can stop even with the little white lies...

ANd he doesn't know about my sexual preference only because the topic of girls or dating hasn't come up..

I just remembered that I have gone fishing before...lol but not enough to qualify me as a beginner fisherman...lol
 
There's two different things going on in this thread....

About 3/4 of the thread is spent talking about what a disaster this guy is. It sounds like he doesn't have money. It sounds lke he has bad credit. He doesn't have a car. He doesn't return your phone calls. He is interested in girls. He doesn't follow through on things he says he is going to do. He's not a liar but he does seem to bend the truth when he needs to avoid certain issues.

The other 25% of the thread is you asking how you can get to know him better.

Don't you know enough to know that this guy is probably not worth anymore of your time?
 
Again, this is MY version of the story. :P I'm not stretching anything but it is from my POV which could lead to some mischaracterizations.

I get what you mean about the disaster part but him not having a vehicle or money isn't that bad. He's like 20, 21...I'm sure he has reasons of why he's always broke (maybe he has many bills, I dunno?) and I don't feel like he's avoiding my phone calls. Honestly, if I got the smallest hint of me annoying him then I'd drop the 'stalking' but I honestly don't feel like that's what he feels.

And what do you mean by 'bending' the truth to certain issues...just trying to see what you mean.
 
I get the sense that much of this story is just you being in love with your ability to spin a story.

You want to know the guy better?

Just ask him to hang out with you sometime.

You want to find out if he's gay? Tell him about yourself first.

Just don't bullshit and create fiction from fact. OK?
 
Okay, where the hell is this coming from? I'm asking for advice and I was hoping to get some without being accused of anything or being talked down to. You don't know me so stop assuming I'm making shit up or that I'm spinning anything.
 
ShamWow said:
Okay, where the hell is this coming from? I'm asking for advice and I was hoping to get some without being accused of anything or being talked down to. You don't know me so stop assuming I'm making shit up or that I'm spinning anything.
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Before we get too far down this path...

You're new to the forums. You don't have to respond and defend your positions or argue with everything that is said here.

We are not attacking you. We are only responding with our take on your story.

Different members in the forum have different styles and different approaches. You've asked for opinions- you're getting those. In time you will get posts from members who say "Do this..." or members who say, "I would do this but I would not do this..." or members who say, "You're wasting your time because..." or members who say, "Maybe you need to think about this...".

None of the things said here are personal- we don't know you and we only have your story upon which to base our opinions. The advice given here isn't intended to be mean and you don't have to argue with it. Read what is said- there's a lot of wisdom in all the different viewpoints - and don't react personally to it.

And you're never under any obligation to take the advice- only to consider it.

Over the years, we have had OPs come back and say, "You guys were right- I should have listened to you" and we've had others say, "You guys were totally wrong and it worked out better for me when I did it my way". As long as it works out for you in the end and you're happy, so are we.
 
ShamWow said:
Again, this is MY version of the story. :P I'm not stretching anything but it is from my POV which could lead to some mischaracterizations.

I get what you mean about the disaster part but him not having a vehicle or money isn't that bad. He's like 20, 21...I'm sure he has reasons of why he's always broke (maybe he has many bills, I dunno?) and I don't feel like he's avoiding my phone calls. Honestly, if I got the smallest hint of me annoying him then I'd drop the 'stalking' but I honestly don't feel like that's what he feels.

And what do you mean by 'bending' the truth to certain issues...just trying to see what you mean.
Click to expand...


In another thread, Lex told a story about when he worked for the Dr Laura show. He said people would call in, tell their story, Dr Laura would beat them up for 5 minutes and at the end the caller would say, "That's what I thought you would tell me to do".

That's the impression that I get from your post. You're trying to "unsell" this guy by telling us a lot about his faults and short-comings. And there's more than one instance of you unselling- like this:

...and that he had proclaimed his love for her but that she was taken...that kind of bummed me out because I thought "Oh well, now he owe's me 12 bucks for the pizza"..jk but still..
Click to expand...

That little voice in your head is saying, "I'm interested in this guy and here he is- when he's supposed to be spending time with me- I bought the pizza dammit!- and he's telling some other guy who walked into the break room about being in love with a girl."

That little voice in your head is trying to tell you that this guy is young and he has more issues than People Magazine. He might be okay as a friend but he's probably not going to be what you want him to be.

Why aren't you listening to that little voice?
 
ShamWow said:
Okay, where the hell is this coming from? I'm asking for advice and I was hoping to get some without being accused of anything or being talked down to. You don't know me so stop assuming I'm making shit up or that I'm spinning anything.
Click to expand...

forgive him, that's just rareboy... he's the justusboys resident patronizer. doesn't realize it, but he is.
 
When two persons have a relationship in which each is devoted to seeking the good of the other, you have two persons in love.

Two who are bonded in that way do find ways to express their affection for each other and that is when the great event happens; they do IT.

And IT is so fantastic because it confirms the bond that already exists between them.

Both want and need many sessions of re-confirmation.
 
>>>ANd he doesn't know about my sexual preference only because the topic of girls or dating hasn't come up..

If you talk anything like you type, I don't think the topic of girls or dating needs to come up. :) Other than that, I think KB and RB have it pretty well in hand.

Lex
 
It's not fair to yourself to run over and over in your head if his actions prove or disprove if he's gay. He might be curious, he might be 100% straight. It's way easier to try to be his friend.

And when you do become his friend, don't do the same thing and try to analyze his actions to see if he likes you. If you like him, hint to him that you like him.

Focus on getting to know him on a personal level. Do not focus on trying to interpret his actions.
 
I get the ppl have different styles of giving advice but I didn't think being accused of making shit up was one of them.

I know that the stuff that is being posted here is only advice and I will take some of it into consideration. And I'll update you on what happens tonight. Thanks.
 
forgive him, that's just rareboy... he's the justusboys resident patronizer. doesn't realize it, but he is.
Click to expand...

And it means so much coming from kissthesky....one of JUB's most prolific posers.

Hey Sham wow. Go back. Reread your posts.

You should be able to see where I'm coming from. If you can't, you're going to blow it big-time with this guy and likely others you meet in the future. What you think is a breezy and 'funsies' approach contains, by your own admission mistruths and exaggerations.

Just be straightforward. And not so precious. While that may appeal to those who like to read long stories and those like kts, it won't win you friends in the real world.
 
Moderators, when will the "No flame zone" rule be enforced?

Or are certain individuals exempt?
 
Just because you like a guy doesn't mean he's gay, despite what your dreams and fantasies may say. You're reading too deep into things. Go find real gay men to chase.
 
Sounds to me times are tough for the guy and he's looking for a friend.

Be his friend.
 
Love (*8*) is when you get over lust (!) which usually lasts for the first 3 years of any relationship...|
 
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