What is the next step ?

[chrisdobro]

when I was in high school or even middle school, we had parties. Your local HS parties. And I sat around guys & sometimes girls and there were some hot guys ! And there was always a chance to get together with some of these guys at least in theory. And sometimes I did. By getting together I mean sharing something like a deeper friendship and sometimes even experimenting sexually. Or just flirting covertly even if it does not get any further. There was a hint of excitement and possibility of sex and intimacy in the air. You could smile at a guy even if you didn't know him and have him either play with you or not. By play with me I mean share something with me -- flirt, do something party-related, mingle or whatever else that suggest interaction.

After high school, it seems that something .. has changed. Some folks go to a college with dorms, where maybe it is the next step. My college has no dorms, so I don't really know what goes on in dorm colleges. In my college I could join a frat to maybe make the college experience a bit closer to dorms, but something told me that in my college frats it will be straight guys talking about their girl and sports adventures and it was not for me. So I layed that idea off.

So is this it then ? Even colleges aside, colleges end eventually. What do you do after those ? Where are parties, where is sharing and exchanging glances, flirting, possibility of sex hanging in the air and all the excitement that comes from it ? Or does that get replaced with something entirely different ?

What is the next step if any ?

 

[rareboy]

I thought you said you were in your mid or late 20's.

What happened to the boyfriend?

Your next step is a downward spiral of hanging around in smoky bars or lying about yourself on Craigslist in order to get hooked up with someone.

Anyhow, let's pretend you're in college. Obviously hanging around the gym is where you're going to flirt with the hardbodies.

The coffee house is where the academics will hole up if you have a thing for nerds who will some day be rich and I can't believe that no one is inviting you to keg parties.

 

[Dman007]

if your 21 you could always go to a gay bar to flirt with guys...lol

 

[chrisdobro]

well what you thought is right. I am still in college although graduating soon. I don't like the downward spiral however. I am sure there are other ways around it, although they may be less travelled by the majority of folks.

You sound like Keg parties just happen. I think I need to do something for those, like put myself into the atmosphere to make the invites happen. However, I am not into drinking or drunken guys, so while scoring drunken guys may be simpler, I am shying away from this route. . . . Either way I've been at keg parties at all the frats on campus when I was thinking of joining. The atmosphere there is ... gregorious yet straight.

I discovered the college gym recently, can't believe I was not going there earlier. So far there are guys there, but they seem to either stare at themselves in the mirror or stare off into a distance while wearing headphones. I'm sure some acquaintances are made there however. I'll keep going there.

Coffee house ... hmm that is an interesting though .. There is one, but off campus. Sigh, I think i need a better college.

What does one do after college anyways, as I'm almost done with mine ? I refuse to believe that it's a downward spiral from there. But it could be my wishful thinking or idealism. No .. Something has to be somewhere. I guess most folks get a relationship by that time and they are happy. And maybe that's the "something" I am looking for. In my case I have a relationship.... yet I am not so currently happy. Umm . . . . There was recently an offer from a guy I know. That offer made me tingle and even bring up those times of friendships and wild sexual experimentation, as well as the questions I am posing in this thread. I am thinking of opening up the relationship. And I am thinking of ways of doing it. But I don't want to slip into the downward spirals, no. I want to move on to something that is uplifting, yep. So hence my thread.

 

[Alpha1851]

Are you asking whether it's possible to get a bf after college, where you'll go to have fun once you graduate, where to go for wild sex when you're older...?

I know that hooking up, dating, and having fun seem like top priorities right now but that quickly changes. Once you graduate you'll be so concerned w/ finding a good job, learning how to perform your job, locating a new place to live, paying back those loans, etc. that you're probably not going to care about getting a boyfriend. At least until things settle down.

My single friends all manage to acquire dates. I'm sure that it is easier in college since there are loads of guys who are your age at your disposal but picking up someone pretty much stays the same. Life after college isn't a downward spiral--it's a new adventure!

By the way, gay people do, in fact, join fraternities and sororities. You may be missing out on a great opportunity to meet someone by skipping the parties. The odds are that a hot, drunk guy will end up getting naked and streaking so the night won't be a total loss either way. Also, not everyone drinks or gets dead drunk. Just find a sober, calmer guy who's lurking around if that's what you prefer.

 

[chrisdobro]

Are you asking whether it's possible to get a bf after college, where you'll go to have fun once you graduate, where to go for wild sex when you're older...?

Yes to all.

 

[rareboy]

Life after college isn't a downward spiral--it's a new adventure!

Just to be clear here, this wasn't a generalization, but a prediction for what could happen in this instance.

As I understand it, we have a young man who has been partnered with an older guy for some time. He has not been happy with his sex life but was unwilling to give up the security and I suspect, the financial support.

He apparently is going to college and is about ready to graduate but has not participated in any social activities the entire time he was there. It is hard to believe that there was never a school-wide event that wouldn't have allowed some interaction with other students, but I have to admit I never hooked up with anyone while at University.

He has just discovered the gym recently and never thought about coffee houses.

Given this lack of imagination and momentum, all I see from hereon is the liklihood of cruising a bar or the internet for a hook-up.

Obviously, he knows it is possible to get a bf.

It may happen through his work, it may happen through belonging to some organization, through meeting a friend of a friend. Who knows? The possibilites are almost limitless.

But here's the most direct suggestion. Go to a bathhouse next time you're in the city. You can have some of the wildest sex this side of Sodom. You can be as connected or disconnected from the other person/gangbang as you want.

 

[Alpha1851]

well, how enlightening Rareboy. Since it seems to be a common theme among the younger crowd, I assumed that the OP was afraid that his life would cease to be exciting and fun once he graduated/became older. I guess he has a different issue going on. But, if he's still dating the older guy, and the fella is providing financial support then wouldn't it be risky to head to a bathhouse? More people would be there and may know the partner. Clearly, I've never been to a bathhouse so the fraternity party/campus activities just seem easier to me. It's very easy to get laid and no ones likely to talk about it later.

 

[chrisdobro]

easy to get laid at frat parties ? Maybe if you are a girl .. For a guy to get laid at a frat party, I just don't see that happening, although I've never given it a try. Something tells me that getting laid at a bar is much easier than at a frat, because I tried the bars. Some frats in large universities throw parties for 200+ people and maybe it's more possible there. For my frats with 20 to 30+ people at best, I think it's actually asking for trouble.

well I don't see my life going down the tubes and me looking for sex at the bottom of the barrels. If for whatever reason it is headed there, I better stop whatever I am doing and do something else entirely.