What just happened?

[magicman84]

So last night I went out to the bars for a bit and afterward, my friend and I ended up going to this 24 hour eatery that's nearby. So everything was normal until this guy came in that I recognized. He smiled and gave me a little touch on the shoulder as he walked by. I then remembered that he was at a party that a friend of mine had last month (though we didn't talk then as far I can remember). So after a few minutes I did go over his table where he was sitting with his friends and say hi, get his name, blah blah blah. We ended up chatting for a couple minutes. He asked me what I was doing for pride this weekend (have to work, can't go), and he gave me his phone number and I said I would text him today. He was all like "you better!" He's really, really cute, like MILES out of my league. So I didn't think that he was really interested THAT way, just being friendly.

So I went back to my table and a couple minutes later he actually comes over, sits down with us for a few minutes and chats us up some more. He says that he's having a party on Saturday and I should stop by after I get off work, blah blah blah, just friendly convo. Even though we got there first, he and his friends leave before we do. They pass us on their way out and he gives me another little touch and smiles.

All this confuses me. Is he interested in THAT way? I have dated a fair bit and I feel like I now have a pretty good idea of what I can and can't get guywise. This is one guy I would put easily in the "Can't Get" box. My friends (there was also one other person eating with me and my one friend, this guy we had met at the bar that I am pretty sure my friend went home with last night, but this has not been confirmed yet) told me to not read to much into it and to not be so sure I know what who I can and can't get. Eh, I dunno.

Anyway, so I did text him today around 1:30 (he goes to work at 3) and I got kind of monosyllabic answers back: yes, no, not much, etc. Also, after I sent him a reply back to the first text, I had to text him again just to get a response. Maybe it's just me, but when I'm interested in someone the texts tend to go pretty fast and furious. After my last text to him (that makes 3 texts to him and only 2 back to me), I haven't heard back. I debated just texting "have a good day at work" and leaving it alone I decided I'm not going to bother him anymore, because no one wants to be the obnoxious person who texts all the time.

So now I'm wondering what the hell is happening. I really have NO idea how to read last night. If he's interested in me, great (though I just doubt someone that cute would be interested in me). If he was just being friendly, that's fine too, because someone so many of my friends have moved away the last couple of years and I could always use new ones. It's just the not knowing that is making me a little nuts. Tonight, when I know he's off, I was thinking of sending a "how as work?" text and leaving it at that. Yes? No? Maybe? Any perspective would be great.

 

[Eagle653]

He definitely went out of his way to be friendly with you--certainly friendlier than was called for under the circumstances. So, that's an indication in the right direction (assuming he wasn't high or drunk at the time and super-friendly to anyone).

I wouldn't put a lot of weight on brief texts. Maybe he was in a meeting, or something important was going on. That's why I hate texting--it's this annoying intrusion into what I'm doing--but that's why I hate phones too.

Try it again when you have a reasonable chance he's not busy--or as busy as he might be at work. And, don't discount anyone from being in your league. Lots of people are attracted to lots of people and we never know why--but the attraction is genuine. I would have never put myself in my partner's league, either, but he pursued it so here we are.

Good luck. This is kind of fun. Let us know what happens!

 

[Seasoned]

Text him with a reminder of last night. I sure as he'll hope he wasn't in a blackout.

 

[Fiorino]

If he made most of the moves he must have some interest, and, stop putting your self down, what you see in the mirro may not be what someone else sees. Just go with the flow, good luck.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

One possibility is that he was interested at the time but had forgotten about it by the day after. I've had that happen.

Good rule of thumb is, strike while the iron is hot. If somebody is coming on to you, go for it. (Assuming you're also interested.) By the next time you see him, he may be in a completely different place.

 

[On The Edge]

I noticed some people ain't good with text chat..the 1 word answers can get frustrating..but he seemed to speak to u very nice...maybe he was busy or u got him at a wrong time..don't know..if it was me I wud wait for him to respond..don't wanna seem desperate..but that's just me hehe ..if he wants something I'm sure he'll text back ...

 

[youngnihilist]

forget that's he cute. he is in your eyes but whatever. forget the out of your league shit. now, he's just a guy. an average looking guy. maybe even an ugly looking guy. now analyze his actions.

 

[magicman84]

An update..

I text him a bit ago here after I knew he'd probably be home from work. Again, pretty short answers, didn't ask me anything, etc. He did say he was watching something on TV though so I figure he may just be into that. Just to satisfy my own craziness I did send him one text that was like "you do remember who this is, right?" he said he did. So I was like "ok cool, enjoy your show, didn't mean to bother you." So now I feel like I did my part. Not going to be texting him anymore; if he wants to talk he knows how to get ahold of me.

 

[CenTex22]

Yeah, those types of people suck.

It sounds like you took the correct approach, though. Try to resist the urge to text him or start any sort of communication with him again as that may make him feel like he has the power to milk attention from you.

If you absolutely must communicate with him, try taking the dominant position in the conversation. Instead of complimenting him, asking about him/his day, etc, make it known that you are contacting him to get something. Ask him for some information (not advice, though), be clear with what you are wanting him to communicate back to you, and be succinct with your phraseology. Something like, "Hey, I know you work on computers. I need to get blahblah. Which one do I get?" Let him worry about continuing the conversation beyond the answer to your question. Sometimes this works to "reset" a new relationship (not like dating, but just a connection of any sort) that has already stagnated. It sounds weird and borderline crazy, but it is just the way that a lot of peoples' minds work, for whatever reason. I guess that it just reminds them of you, asserts your independence, and puts the burden of "conversation" back on them.

Good luck!

 

[tonyboy]

He probably had some drinks and was a bit more friendly than normal..

I wouldn't worry too much about it though...
And man, don't figure you are outside anyones league.... to me the guy that approached you, while he may be pretty cute, I'd say he's a loser...

Much rather have a guy like you in my life than a guy like him.

Ignore him... and be happy you did not hear back from him.

 

[spencer]

hold off on the texting until the confirmation to the party. better yet call and ask for time and directions.

bring drinks, beer or wine when you go and thank him for the invite when you give it to him.

he answers your texts, leave it at that and don't abuse it lest he grows tired of it. After the party, the next day or two after call him and tell him you had a good time and ask to hang out again.

 

[magicman84]

hold off on the texting until the confirmation to the party. better yet call and ask for time and directions.

bring drinks, beer or wine when you go and thank him for the invite when you give it to him.

he answers your texts, leave it at that and don't abuse it lest he grows tired of it. After the party, the next day or two after call him and tell him you had a good time and ask to hang out again.

Eh, if he doesn't even want to engage in some sort of exchange of texts, I doubt he's going to really want to have me at his party. I think I'm throwing in the towel on this one.

 

[magicman84]

So, there was a twist in the story!

I am either and idiot, a masochist or both but I was like, you know what? Everyone has bad days. I guess I could try texting him one more time just to say hi. And this time, he was a bit more receptive and engaging. So after a few texts I ask if I can call him. He says sure. I just got off the phone with him about five minutes ago after talking for about an hour. He's really sweet and funny and just a cool guy, and we have a few things in common. He said that yesterday he was tired and stressed and had a lot going on, so I guess that explains why he wasn't uber communicative then. I didn't mention his party but we did agree to hang out sometime soon, since we have similar work hours. To be honest, I don't think this is a love connection but I DO feel like I'm at the beginning of a new friendship, which is really cool and much more important (to me) than finding a date. Thanks to everyone for their advice!

 

[WillyWanker]

So, there was a twist in the story!

I am either and idiot, a masochist or both but I was like, you know what? Everyone has bad days. I guess I could try texting him one more time just to say hi. And this time, he was a bit more receptive and engaging. So after a few texts I ask if I can call him. He says sure. I just got off the phone with him about five minutes ago after talking for about an hour. He's really sweet and funny and just a cool guy, and we have a few things in common. He said that yesterday he was tired and stressed and had a lot going on, so I guess that explains why he wasn't uber communicative then. I didn't mention his party but we did agree to hang out sometime soon, since we have similar work hours. To be honest, I don't think this is a love connection but I DO feel like I'm at the beginning of a new friendship, which is really cool and much more important (to me) than finding a date. Thanks to everyone for their advice!

Been there, done that.
I'm happy you guys are on the path on a new friendship because if you were in a relationship with this guy you would be destroyed easily. I mean this type of guys
know the weakness of the other partner and like to take advantage of that (like he was "dry" on his txting but you were enthusiastic) and eventually they get bored by the other partner and dump him.

I hope that it wouldn't be like that even if you chose to be in a relationship with him but for the meanwhile stick to a good friendship and get to know him better.
Good luck

 

[spencer]

So, there was a twist in the story!

I am either and idiot, a masochist or both but I was like, you know what? Everyone has bad days. I guess I could try texting him one more time just to say hi. And this time, he was a bit more receptive and engaging. So after a few texts I ask if I can call him. He says sure. I just got off the phone with him about five minutes ago after talking for about an hour. He's really sweet and funny and just a cool guy, and we have a few things in common. He said that yesterday he was tired and stressed and had a lot going on, so I guess that explains why he wasn't uber communicative then. I didn't mention his party but we did agree to hang out sometime soon, since we have similar work hours. To be honest, I don't think this is a love connection but I DO feel like I'm at the beginning of a new friendship, which is really cool and much more important (to me) than finding a date. Thanks to everyone for their advice!

you really didn't listen. all you could think about is if he didn't exchange texts with you that he didn't like you and he wasn't worth it. You've got to realize there's more than just texting. And since he wasn't being receptive maybe either something was going on (like there was) or he was trying to give you the hint that texting isn't his prefered method of communication.

knowing that you can now just call him, I would continue to talk to him via phone.

finally, he asked you to pride and you were working. how is this guy supposed to feel if you didn't take some sort of going out raincheck. you were supposed to suggest going out another time because you turned down a previous invitation. it's the polite thing to do.

 

[youngnihilist]

That's a really good point about the raincheck and how he's supposed to feel. Everyone here always talks about themselves but doesn't look at how the other guy is feeling. And who knows, maybe he's also freaking out about you not being in his league, trying to get your attention.

 

[magicman84]

you really didn't listen. all you could think about is if he didn't exchange texts with you that he didn't like you and he wasn't worth it. You've got to realize there's more than just texting. And since he wasn't being receptive maybe either something was going on (like there was) or he was trying to give you the hint that texting isn't his prefered method of communication.

knowing that you can now just call him, I would continue to talk to him via phone.

finally, he asked you to pride and you were working. how is this guy supposed to feel if you didn't take some sort of going out raincheck. you were supposed to suggest going out another time because you turned down a previous invitation. it's the polite thing to do.

Good points, I admit. I am going to call him in the next couple of minues. As luck would have it, I did a swap with a coworker and worked a day shift today so that I would be able to be off and go to pride, so I am going.

Also, even though I had told him I wasn't planning to go because I was working, when we talked on the phone the other night I did say it would be fun to hang out. He told him his car was stolen a couple weeks ago and he's been taking the bus and relying on coworkers to get to/from work. Since we work almost identical hours (but with different days off), I told him I'd be happy to pick him up from work one night I'm not working. He seemed pretty grateful for that oppourtunity. So, I thought I had made it pretty clear that I wanted to hang out, even if it wasn't going to be possible tonight.

I did text him last night before I went to bed and never heard back, so yeah, perhaps he's not a big texter. If I have been hesitant to call him it's just because I just feel, like with anyone I don't well, that I would just be bothering him. I know that is a silly rationale in my head though, and that it really needs to go away.