What Mentoring Can we Give for Coming Out Males

[screwnutty]

Hear Hear! CadillacJoe!

I guess I would like to add that coming out of the closet doesn't make things easier...but you will feel better about yourself and that what counts! Also don't think that getting a BF right away will solve all of your problems in your life. Remember being gay is alot like being straight....except we sleep with guys instead of girls. All of the same crap that affects straight ppl's relationships also happen in ours too!

 

[taiger65]

did you have any idea beforehand about which friends would be accepting and which ones wouldnt?

 

[smaq44]

Accept that being Gay is awesome, wonderful and normal.

Awesome wisdom, Joe! Your words remind me of the very first words in Don Clark's book Loving Someone Gay:

"Being a gay man, woman, girl, or boy is neither common nor ordinary but, like having blue eyes, blond hair, great artistic talent or being left-handed, it is absolutely natural."

Mac

 

[Lost_Soul4]

Wow! All the advice here is really great! See, I'm a closet bi whose friends know that I'm bi. My family doesn't and I want to wait until I'm out of high school before I tell them. Is that advisable? Can you helpful older gents spare me some of your infintesimal wisdom (being completely serious here)?

 

[Soilwork]

you and me really need to hang out.

I do get frustrated with younger gay men who seem like they've given up on ever being happy.. but you and I were probably both there at one point.

The best thing to do is to just be yourself and encourage young gay men to always stand up for themselves and never give in.

Tell stories of when you came out... let peopel know that their fears and misconceptions aren't unique to them.

And always say what's on your mind... even if it gets you in trouble.

 

[Lost_Soul4]

you and me really need to hang out.

I do get frustrated with younger gay men who seem like they've given up on ever being happy.. but you and I were probably both there at one point.

The best thing to do is to just be yourself and encourage young gay men to always stand up for themselves and never give in.

Tell stories of when you came out... let peopel know that their fears and misconceptions aren't unique to them.

And always say what's on your mind... even if it gets you in trouble.

...Um, were you talking to me or to someone else, sir? 'Cause I have not given up on being happy. I'm just asking advice on how to come out! ...Er, sorry about that.

 

[Soilwork]

...Um, were you talking to me or to someone else, sir? 'Cause I have not given up on being happy. I'm just asking advice on how to come out! ...Er, sorry about that.

I was talking to Joe.

Ok.. but you and me could still hang out and you can see how a bunch of gay men can be happy being out and being themselves....

really, coming out is as easy as telling someone you're gay.. as easy as joining a gay baseball team or even asking a guy out on a date.

Or getting laid.

 

[provenlogic]

well soil, you have to take into account that the world changes, even from decade to decade, and some people just aren't as bold as others. Plus some people just need time to grow up, and get fed up .

 

[megustamyn]

Joe, I'm 57 and I totally agree with you. I've been providing service to the gay community for about 15 years and I know that there are organizations in many cities that are looking for men and women like you to mentor gay youth.

There are many young people who need positive role models. I've known many on the street or wards of the state because their families have kicked them out for being gay.

You might check out ourtruecolors.org to get an idea of how adult gay people are working to help young people. They're a Connecticut based organization that I have worked with a lot and I know there are others in other communities. The need is great.

 

[Roland00]

What mentoring we can provide?

Just being visible is probally the best mentoring we can provide. You will be suprised how much of an inspiration you can be just being there. Instead of thinking queer is something disqusting, shameful, and thus something that must be hiden, they can see its nothing like that and even can be a sense of pride. Eventually the negative inbedded thoughts will leave the newly comming out mind and be replaced with positive ones.

Another thing we can do is just be there to answer a person's questions when they have them.

 

[taiger65]

CadillacJoe, Thanks for the answer.

Leminski, The "coming out" thread was incredibly helpful to me, and I'm sure it's helpful to tons of people who haven't come out yet. You might not have found any use for it, since it looks like you're very comfortable with your sexuality (good for you! ), but sadly, not all of us here have been able to come to terms with the actual implications of letting others know that you're gay. The "coming out" threads really provided a ton of perspectives that I needed to see, and I really appreciated it being there when I felt lost.

 

[Soilwork]

..Not sure if i've added anything useful.

that would be a "no".

coming out isn't the act of telling people so much as not hiding.. living on your own terns and not being ashamed.

I used to follow that whole bullocks of "If anyone asks me I'll tell them", but you know as well as I do that NOBODY asks, and that it's easy to steer the conversation away just in case anyone does.

Coming out is not pretending your BF is just a friend. coming out is living on your own terms, it's acknoledging that you're gay and not pretending to be anything but who and what you are.

coming out is finally growing up.

I personally think all gay men should come out. Not to please me but becasue not living on your own terms isn't living.

Nobody else is going to do your coming out for you.