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bhandsome

bhandsome

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Since I last posted, I have become a little more confident with my sexuality each day. I accept who I am, but the hard part is coming out, of course. I want to tell my family and friends but I'm over thinking reason why I haven't said anything. For example, I can tell my Mom but what about our friends at church and work, will I have to tell them. Will we have to lie to them when asked if I have a girlfriend yet? This question never fails to be asked and I often wonder if this will make things difficult. I know ultimately my Mom is all that matters, but the thought never ceases to cross my mind.

Another issue I have come to realize is that I have been thinking with my penis. Whenever I want attention, I instantly talk to some guys online, whom I know are either discreet "straight men" or horny old men. I don't know who these men are and I don't trust if their STD free and the last time I had sex I swallowed and it was unprotected, so I will never make that mistake again. I decided to stop interacting with men online and to just live my life and hope I meet someone I can relate too. Although, I feel a little lonely because I don't really have gay friends at home or at school.

I do think that the reason I feel like the process has gone faster is because I haven't fully come out yet. I just want to tell everyone, but it's easier said than done.
 
The important thing is to try to be yourself in the context of maintaining boundaries and your privacy. You are the person who determines what those boundaries are. You do not need to have an explanation for every busy-body in town.
 
You have to understand that ultimately you - as a gay man - will live a different life than your mother's church friends. It is likely that none of them will be part of your life, and at least in this generation there is nothing you can do about it. So, as harsh as it sounds, just go ahead and tell the world. Those people WILL know sooner or later, might as well be sooner.
 
It may not be a bad idea to come out to your Mom, especially if you know she will love and support you. And if she has to lie to her church friends, that's ok too. Your privacy is your privacy and your Mom will understand that. But at the same time, Seasoned and Rolyo are right; your life will always be different from theirs, and if they will not be a part of your life in the long run then it doesn't matter if they know. You don't have to answer to them and you are not obligated to have them be aware in any way. Whether they know now or later, they will still judge you, and it sucks but you need to realize they are ignorant and wrong and not worry about it. Especially since the newer generations like us college kids are more open-minded and understanding. That type of ignorance is leaving (albeit very slowly).

I actually just came out to my best friend today. He is completely fine with it, but I do know that his Dad is a homophobe. I asked him not to tell either of his parents, or anyone we know back home. I told him because he is like a brother and I trust him, but his parents don't need to know or any of the people from high school that he still hangs out with but I don't care to keep in contact with, because I know they won't be a part of my life anymore. Will they find out eventually? Sure. But I would prefer if they didn't, it's none of their damn business. I don't need my friend's homophobic Dad gossiping about me and stressing out my parents, or any immature high schoolers I don't even know causing drama for my friend. I chose to do it this way because it's what's comfortable for me and I still want to maintain some privacy. Because while I'm not-so-out at home, I am very out at my college. All my close friends know and it's fine, and I don't care who knows, and that's what I'm comfortable with in that setting.

I'm happy to hear you're progressing, so keep considering the next step. It's ok to take time and plan, because you need to do what is comfortable for you. Good luck and keep us posted, PM if you need anything.
 
I've decided that when the new year starts I'm telling my Mom, specific family members, and close friends. No more hiding, it's weighing me down.
 
Good for you dude! I hope it all goes well. It may seem scary but it's a great weight to lift off your shoulders. You have our support!
 
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