What should I do next...?

[gustischafer]

I have posted once more in this forum telling you the story about a good friend of mine. Just to remind you: I have a very close friend and I've got a hell of a crush on him. So I want to do some "things" with him and I wanted to tell him that. But I was affraid and everyone here told me not to do stupid things because I would ruin our friendship. He is very open-minded and knows (knew) nothing about me.

And that's what happend at last:
Another friend told my friend with whom I'm in "love" that he wanted to do something with him. And my friend said no. He was not angry or something, he just turned him down.

And then we started sending messages with my friend (that I really like) and I asked him if he would ever do anything with a man.
And he told me "I wouldn't do anything with a man. The only thing I could do is to let a man blow me. Nothing else. And I'm telling you that would be in the worst situation".
Then I was like "I don't know. I know that I like women (and that's true) but I'd also like to experiment, to try new things. I don't know if I would like the conclusion but that's how I feel".
He told me "It's ok to want to experiment. But I don't want to. Anyway, letting a man blow you doesn't mean that you are gay".
And I said "Yes, I know. I'd like to tell you something but I don't want you to take it the wrong way" (...and so on) "Would you like to do anything with me just to help me with my experiment issues...".
And he was like "I don't want to experiment, at least not right now. So why don't you try someone else?" And we continued talking about under what circumstances he would let a man blow him.

So what should I do? I really want to blow him (not anything else like the whole process of sex, just a blowjob). I've got this feeling that if we are going to be alone together I could indeed blow him. He was not at all negative or angry, he was like "I don't want to do it but I don't swear so!" And then we continued talking about private stuff like how long our penises are, how many times a day we masturbate and he was very open. Then I also told him "You didn't misunderstood me, right?" and he said "No".

What should I do? We are real friends but I am also in love with him (not exact love, maybe a combination of love and a hell of a crush). It's the first guy I am in love with and this is sooo intense. And believe me, it's not like a "girlish" kind of crush. I REALLY like him, like I've liked no one else ever! This crush goes on like 2 year now, so you should know it's serious.

Please help! Give me your advice, tell me what you think, what you would do and if this has ever happened to you. (I remind you, it's serious not just a "daily" crush)!

Thank you!

 

[trawler69]

He's laid down the rules and said plainly that he isn't interested. So cherish the friendship and try to get over the crush. Try and accept that you have a very good friend who is happy to accept you for who you are, even if you were to come out to him as Gay. Respect this guy's wishes, people as cool as him are hard to come by.

 

[hotb0d]

I would say to channel your crush/horniness or whatever you have for this guy somewhere else. Life doesn't always go the way you wanted it to and obvious this is one of those times. If you do cherish him as a friend than just respect his wishes. He sounded like a genuine guy and if it was me, I would bury this crush and move on. The more you try to force this I-want-to-blow-him-because-I-like-him will only lead to disaster and you might lose him as a friend in the process. And besides, if you want to experiment, you should find someone that you're not emotionally attached to experiment it with.

 

[KaraBulut]

And then what?

These obsessions that guys get with their friends are seldom good for either party. They wreck friendships. They consume time that could be spent being with someone who actually can return your interest.

If you think blowing your friend is going to be enough and that it will end your obsession, you're naive. Friends don't pressure friends into having sex with them.

 

[rareboy]

And he was like "I don't want to experiment, at least not right now. So why don't you try someone else?"

You respect his wishes.

 

[gustischafer]

Thank you all for responding. Well, the thing is that I do respect his wishes that's why there is no pressure between us. When we discussed all this kind of stuff we were just like chatting. And he was not like "Don't you dare talk to me about that" or something. He just said that he wouldn't like it right now. When I asked him if he would do anything with the other friend I mentioned he said "I don't know cause I haven't really thought about it. Maybe if I want sometime..."
Shouldn't I give it a try? I am not ruining our friendship just by discussing stuff and I can see he's got no problem.

 

[rareboy]

So. You are just obsessed by the idea of giving your buddy a blowjob.

No love. No rest of the 'sex stuff'.

You just won't be happy until his cock is in your mouth.

And then what?

Anyhow. Go ahead. Beg and plead with him. Tell him that this conquest will let you die happy. Offer him anything. Cry.

Or, just respect his wishes. Lay off the subtle pressure to get his meat in your mouth. Keep him as a good friend. And go out and spend some effort to find a nice gay guy to suck who might just reciprocate.

 

[KaraBulut]

Shouldn't I give it a try? I am not ruining our friendship just by discussing stuff and I can see he's got no problem.

We've answered this question.

Here's what transpired:

• You asked your friend if he was curious about sex with a guy.
• He said that he was maybe curious, not interested and not ready.

The only word you heard in that sentence was "maybe". Because that's all you want to hear.

The anwer was "no". You won't let it go because you don't like his answer.

If this were a girl and you were straight, it might be clearer to you that you are trying to pressure a friend into having sex with you when they clearly aren't ready and aren't interested. And if you don't understand how a single sexual encounter can ruin a friendship (especially when pressure or alcohol is involved), then you need to do some thinking about what it means to be a friend.

 

[G-Lexington]

Let's say you gave him the blowjob. You got him really drunk, or found him really horny, or somehow coerced him into letting you give him the blowjob.

Then what?

Are you done? Do you wipe your lips, say "Thanks, I enjoyed that", and start talking about football? Your two-year crush suddenly evaporates, and you're back to being platonic friends? Or do you hope that he'll think the blowjob will somehow open his eyes, and he'll either let you blow him whenever you want, or else realize that yes, he loves you too, and you start a relationship?

Because I can guarantee that ain't gonna happen. Far more likely than not, the whole blowjob thing will weird him out, he'll put some (or a lot of) distance between you, and you basically cease being good friends. And that's IF you get to give him a blowjob. Chances are good he'll get pissed at your insistence and kick you to the curb before you even get to wrap your lips around him.

Maybe the friendship is worth the risk. You'd rather jeopardize the friendship than be denied the chance to blow him. In which case, hey, best of luck. But know you won't get much sympathy here if you start a thread about your former best friend who ended up being "homophobic".

>>>It's the first guy I am in love with and this is sooo intense. And believe me, it's not like a "girlish" kind of crush. I REALLY like him, like I've liked no one else ever! This crush goes on like 2 year now, so you should know it's serious.

"Falling in love" with someone you can't have is the very definition of "girlish kind of crush". It's why girls moon over celebrities - they can't have them.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

"Falling in love" with someone you can't have is the very definition of "girlish kind of crush". It's why girls moon over celebrities - they can't have them.

And what these two things have in common - the "girlish kind of crush" and the "I'm-in-love-with-my-straight-friend" phenomenon, is that they are both good excuses for why the person doesn't go out and find someone that they can actually have.

There's a whole world of gay guys out there complaining because they can't find another gay guy who wants them. Perhaps if we could introduce the "I'm-in-love-with-my-straight-friend" guys to the "where-are-all-the-gay-men" guys then maybe both problems would go away. But then we would probably end up with a severe condom and lube shortage.

 

[gustischafer]

Let's say you gave him the blowjob. You got him really drunk, or found him really horny, or somehow coerced him into letting you give him the blowjob.

Then what?

Are you done? Do you wipe your lips, say "Thanks, I enjoyed that", and start talking about football? Your two-year crush suddenly evaporates, and you're back to being platonic friends? Or do you hope that he'll think the blowjob will somehow open his eyes, and he'll either let you blow him whenever you want, or else realize that yes, he loves you too, and you start a relationship?

Because I can guarantee that ain't gonna happen. Far more likely than not, the whole blowjob thing will weird him out, he'll put some (or a lot of) distance between you, and you basically cease being good friends. And that's IF you get to give him a blowjob. Chances are good he'll get pissed at your insistence and kick you to the curb before you even get to wrap your lips around him.

Maybe the friendship is worth the risk. You'd rather jeopardize the friendship than be denied the chance to blow him. In which case, hey, best of luck. But know you won't get much sympathy here if you start a thread about your former best friend who ended up being "homophobic".

>>>It's the first guy I am in love with and this is sooo intense. And believe me, it's not like a "girlish" kind of crush. I REALLY like him, like I've liked no one else ever! This crush goes on like 2 year now, so you should know it's serious.

"Falling in love" with someone you can't have is the very definition of "girlish kind of crush". It's why girls moon over celebrities - they can't have them.

Lex

So, let's get started:
Lex, when someone is in an "experiment-kind of" situation, yes this could happen. I didn't say "I WILL do this" or "this is RIGHT" I just asked for some help. If I wanted some bad criticism I would start a thread named "Criticize me, please".

Oh and by the way, it is not a "girlish kind of crush". When I say girlish I mean things like "Oh, he looked at me- Oh, he is so sweet- Oh oh oh!"

You know, love isn't something that you order nor something that you can control. Do you really think that it was my choice to like a good friend of mine??? And as you mention it could be a girlish crush to fall in love with a celebrity, but my friend is not a celebrity. No one said I cannot have him. Anyway I am not this kind of man that wants to be in a relationship. I just want to try some things with the guy (the first one) that I have ever liked like crazy.

Oh, and if I had made my decisions I wouldn't start up this thread. I just wanted to see what people think, some advice. So don't take it for granted that I WILL do what I say. I am just wondering and I try to see the others' point...!

 

[hotb0d]

It's okay if you just want to discuss stuff with him...but when it comes down to actually trading blow job or whatever with this guy. I think you should allow him to make the first move. If he wants to experiment, have you blow him or vice versa, let him initiate that.

I think your job now is to just be there, have fun, be his friend, and don't think too much about any sexual stuff.

 

[KaraBulut]

Lex:

Remind me... tea was it?

 

[TX-Beau]

You know, love isn't something that you order nor something that you can control. Do you really think that it was my choice to like a good friend of mine???

Honestly, how many guys have come in here and said this exact thing. Emotions are emotions, but you are definitely in control of, and responsible for what you do. The above is just a refusal to accept the responsibility you bear for not distancing yourself from a toxic situation - and before you say you just "can't" help yourself, well that's just means you won't control yourself. He already told you no. You say he's your friend, so why would you keep pursuing this, don't you respect his answer as a friend? Pursuing this is not emotions, that's actions, and you are completely responsible for that. Push it too far and he'll drop you as a friend, and after that, will you start stalking him because you can't help how you feel?

As for the "maybe," fantasy and reality are not the same thing. In the fantasy world you can grab that hot cop's package and offer to work off your fine. Try that in real life and you'll end up with all kinds of nasty consequences, and not in a good way. Your actions have repercussions, if you can't see beyond your own fantasy to the possible fallout from pursuing this, you're not being a very good friend to him. Where is your respect for his feelings? That wasn't a maybe that was a no. If he changes his mind, I'm sure he'll let you know. It's time for you to drop the subject.

...No one said I cannot have him...

He said you can't have him.

I just want to try some things with the guy (the first one) that I have ever liked like crazy.

Again, he told you no, if you can't accept that how selfish are you?

 

[TX-Beau]

And what these two things have in common - the "girlish kind of crush" and the "I'm-in-love-with-my-straight-friend" phenomenon, is that they are both good excuses for why the person doesn't go out and find someone that they can actually have.

I’m sure there are myriad reasons gay guys do this, but personally, I think a lot of the time it’s closet fallout. If you’re not that comfortable with being gay, but you know you are and have admitted it to yourself – it’s safe to pursue someone you’ll never get. You don’t have to actually be “gay,” that way, because nothing will ever happen.

In the end, it’s far more satisfying to chase someone who wants to be chased, and who isn’t going to begrudge you a completely one sided blowjob.

 

[KaraBulut]

And what these two things have in common - the "girlish kind of crush" and the "I'm-in-love-with-my-straight-friend" phenomenon, is that they are both good excuses for why the person doesn't go out and find someone that they can actually have.

I’m sure there are myriad reasons gay guys do this, but personally, I think a lot of the time it’s closet fallout. If you’re not that comfortable with being gay, but you know you are and have admitted it to yourself – it’s safe to pursue someone you’ll never get. You don’t have to actually be “gay,” that way, because nothing will ever happen.

In the end, it’s far more satisfying to chase someone who wants to be chased, and who isn’t going to begrudge you a completely one sided blowjob.

Not related to this OP (since I don't know him) but in general, I've always found it relates heavily to self-esteem issues.

Several of us have said this here before but it bears repeating: to be loved, to accept love and to feel worthy of love, you must first love yourself.

Lex:

Remind me... tea was it?

I'll have a cuppa. Green, white, or oolong?

Sure, pull up a chair. There's always room for another.

 

[gustischafer]

Oh my! This situation here becomes way too complicated. OK, here is what I am trying to say:

I am NOT going to insist on the blowjob thing. Alright?
The only thing I want is to know for sure if he is not interested. I will see how things go without doing anything specific and that's all. If he turns out to be positive then I can try, if not then I will forget about it.

Anyway he told me that he was not sure YET. He said that he did not want to try anything with me YET. He said that he would allow a man to blow him but only if he was ready. So I suppose this is not a "no". And I am not insisting on blowing him! I just want to see how things will be from now on.

And thanks for your responses!

 

[rareboy]

You're not listening to anyone. You are only looking for people to give you ideas for how to get this guy out of his pants.

Anyway he told me that he was not sure YET. He said that he did not want to try anything with me YET. He said that he would allow a man to blow him but only if he was ready. So I suppose this is not a "no". And I am not insisting on blowing him! I just want to see how things will be from now on.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

*hands over ears and squinting so that eyes only read what OP wants to see*

Good luck guy.

But what a waste of a life to lust after someone you'll never have as an emotional partner. Just a dumb cock in your mouth. for about 20 minutes.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I am NOT going to insist on the blowjob thing. Alright? The only thing I want is to know for sure if he is not interested.

Which he said. He wasn't interested. But he foolishly tossed in that word "yet", almost certainly to soften the blow, and now you cling to it as a drowning man clings to a piece of driftwood.

>>>Oh and by the way, it is not a "girlish kind of crush". When I say girlish I mean things like "Oh, he looked at me- Oh, he is so sweet- Oh oh oh!"

A schoolgirl gets squealy when her crush casts his eyes on her, because it means he likes her, OMG OMG. Whereas you got squealy (internally) when your friend didn't kick you to the curb when you hit on him. So that means he might still agree to the blowjob someday, OMG OMG. They're both delusional, and both utter wastes of time.

And yes, you can't help who you fall for. I fell for a friend, too. Since he was gay, I figured I could at least give it a shot, and I propositioned him. He said no. And that was the end of it. No, I wasn't happy about it, but I understood he didn't feel the same way about me. So I thanked him, kicked the wall a few times, bemoaned the fates for a couple days, then went on looking for a guy who WAS interested in me.

You can't help your emotions.
But, as others have pointed out, you can control your actions. That is, unless you choose not to. Feel free to keep putting the moves on him, until he pushes you away. If you want to "blame it all on love" at that point, nobody here can stop you. But that doesn't mean we (and presumably you) won't know better.

>>>No one said I cannot have him.

He did.

...oolong, please.

Lex

 

[gustischafer]

>>>I am NOT going to insist on the blowjob thing. Alright? The only thing I want is to know for sure if he is not interested.

Which he said. He wasn't interested. But he foolishly tossed in that word "yet", almost certainly to soften the blow, and now you cling to it as a drowning man clings to a piece of driftwood.

>>>Oh and by the way, it is not a "girlish kind of crush". When I say girlish I mean things like "Oh, he looked at me- Oh, he is so sweet- Oh oh oh!"

A schoolgirl gets squealy when her crush casts his eyes on her, because it means he likes her, OMG OMG. Whereas you got squealy (internally) when your friend didn't kick you to the curb when you hit on him. So that means he might still agree to the blowjob someday, OMG OMG. They're both delusional, and both utter wastes of time.

And yes, you can't help who you fall for. I fell for a friend, too. Since he was gay, I figured I could at least give it a shot, and I propositioned him. He said no. And that was the end of it. No, I wasn't happy about it, but I understood he didn't feel the same way about me. So I thanked him, kicked the wall a few times, bemoaned the fates for a couple days, then went on looking for a guy who WAS interested in me.

You can't help your emotions.
But, as others have pointed out, you can control your actions. That is, unless you choose not to. Feel free to keep putting the moves on him, until he pushes you away. If you want to "blame it all on love" at that point, nobody here can stop you. But that doesn't mean we (and presumably you) won't know better.

>>>No one said I cannot have him.

He did.

...oolong, please.

Lex

I AM TELLING YOU, IF HE IS NOT INTERESTED I WILL CUT IT OFF, ALRIGHT????????? OH MY GOD, WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TELLING ME THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN?????????? I DO INDEED UNDERSTAND THEM!!!
I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING YET, SO WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TELLING ME ALL THIS KIND OF STUFF????????

Oh and by the way: When you ask someone: "Would you like to try something with me?" (refering to sex) and he says: "I am not sure I want to try anything yet. I don't want to do anything right now. Maybe in the future" THIS IS NOT A NO. As I mentioned another guy asked him if he'd like to do anything with him and he told him "No way". He was really negative and really awkward and like "what the heck is he talking about??!!". And when he insisted on asking him he said "I don't want to. Stop it". He wasn't like that to me. In fact we continued talking about that and about when he would be ready and then because I didn't want to put pressure on him I said something else and then we talked about personal stuff. He was not negative like he was with the other guy and believe me I know him better and I know this was a NO.
HOWEVER I DO realise that this was neither a NO nor a YES that's why I am not insisting on that. I just want to see how things go. SO if you wnat to know anything before telling me all this kind of stuff just ask me!

I know how it is to be turned down, and that is not the case! I am NOT going to insist on anything sexually. I am going to be his FRIEND and ONLY THAT. Alright? You could say I will be the "observer" for some time and that's all. I am NOT going to put any pressure on him or talk about sexual stuff between me and him. Anyway, I thought when we would talk again after our conversation about us that he would be distant and awkward like with the other guy, but he was not at all like that. He was very open, like nothing has ever happened.

And I think I'm gonna apologize to him about my attitude. What do you guys think? I think I'm gonna say stuff like "I am sorry. I shouldn't have told you all this stuff cause I'm sure I've freaked you out". And I am gonna do this (,Lex) cause I DO feel like this. I know I have to "bury" my real emotions. I know it's gonna hurt like hell, but I don't want to ruin our friendship.