What to do about an unexpected situation

[megustamyn]

I find myself in a situation that I had not imagined could happen at my age. I work out regularly at a neighborhood gym. There certainly is a lot of eye candy there and I don’t mind looking. There is this one guy there who, in my eyes, is physically perfect. He has a gymnast’s body – not huge muscles but every one of them finely defined. He is somewhere between his late thirties and early forties. I think he is just beautiful.

So two days ago, he walks by me as I was doing some biceps curls and I looked at him, I guess I always do. After I finished my sets I went over to do some calf extensions because the station was close to where he was working out and I could watch him. When I was finally leaving the gym, he was at another station and I glanced at him and caught his eye. I left and went to my car and, when I was about to back out, he was standing behind my car. I was in a hurry because I had a meeting so I honked my horn, he moved away and I left.

Today, when I arrived at the gym, he was already there. He was doing some pull-ups and later handstand pushups. He had probably gotten there early and been working hard because he was drenched in sweat and after a while he stopped working and just walked around. After some time of just walking around, he got his bag and left. I was quite surprised when I left about 30 minutes later and found that he was sitting in his car which was parked next to mine. I got in my car, and then we looked at each other. He got out of his car and walked around mine, then got back into his car and looked at me again. I just drove out and he drove out behind me and was behind me for a couple of blocks before disappearing. I guess we’re acting like nervous teenagers.

The problem is that I’m married. I’ve been with my husband 17 years and we have 2 young sons. But this man is definitely fantasy material. It would be easy for me to take some time after my workout to make the fantasy a reality. I know nothing about him other than he’s gorgeous and has, inexplicably, taken an interest in me. He could be married, too, for all I know. I don’t know if he realizes that I’m old enough to be his father. People have a hard time believing that I’m 65, but I have 7 grandchildren ranging from 8 to 21.

I’m conflicted. Maybe we could be friends, workout buddies. Maybe he can be my trainer. Of course there are plenty of people in the gym he can do these things with, so he’s probably interested in something more. Who knows? Maybe we’ll talk and he’ll lose interest. The truth is that I want him. But maybe the fantasy should stay a fantasy.

 

[racer2438]

Then don't let it go any further than what it has, you know the rules of marriage and you have a family.

Fantasy is one thing...acting it out is not ok... And you are bordering on the edge of crossing the line or seeing how long you can strech that line.


A simple hi ..how's it going' have a nice day type convo ....is all that is needed.

 

[bankside]

hey megustamyn!

I haven't seen you in a million years on here. I remember you working through a few frustrations with your guy back in the day. I also remember what you believed you stood for when it came to relationships.

I'd say let the fantasy stay a fantasy.

 

[sixthson]

You are greasing the slide to a downfall. Is losing your husband and young sons worth this foolishness?

 

[aaggii]

Are you in an open relationship? If so, go for it, though being between 30 and 40 and acting the way he does, it would be such a turn off for me. You are mature enough to know that you shouldn´t hurt the ones you love and love you back. Do what your conscience tells you as long as you don´t lie to your husband.

¨The problem is I´m married¨ - well, if marriage is a problem, maybe you should think a bit about where you and your partner are and if it´s what you truly want.

Also, let´s be serious, if you are attracted to him, there is now way you want him only as your work buddy or personal trainer.

 

[palbert]

You are sailing in Danger Bay, jeopardizing your family for this fantasy and possible fling. Return to your senses and break the fantasy off.

 

[redips]

Remember that fantasies are exciting mainly because they are precisely that--fantasies. And remember that most fantasies, when acted out, are more disappointing than satisfying because realities are never as perfect as imaginations.

Just remind yourself of that and the temptation will be easier to resist.

 

[megustamyn]

Hey Bankside!

I’m surprised you remember me. When my daughter died four years ago, my life was thrust into turmoil of soap opera proportions. In the last year it’s come back to normal with the permanent change that two of my grandsons are now my sons and the attic has been turned into a suite for them.

I am frustrated with my husband in several areas and that could be material another thread or two. If it wasn't for the boys I probably would have sent him packing. But he is a wonderful father to them and they love him very much. After a dead mother and absentee bio-dads, I cannot let them go through another major loss.

I know it’s the frustrations in my marriage that lead me to fantasize about dating again. I should try to come to my senses. After all, a single life at my age can’t be much fun.

 

[aaggii]

So the marriage, like you said, is the problem. Having an affair won´t help, you know. You need to have a serious talk with your partner and let him how you feel about everything. There are a million reasons why a couple shouldn´t stay together just because they have kids. The kids know, if not now, in the future and it will affect them. Imagine they will find themselves in the same situation and they would act the same as you, because that´s what their family teached them. Actually, imagine they are in the same situation - what would you advise them to do?

 

[KaraBulut]

In reading the OP, it sounds more like an encounter from the 1970s. When taken in the context of 2014, it takes on more of a creepy vibe. These days, gay men don't have to rely upon the eye games or lurking around in parking lots. Why doesn't this guy introduce himself and talk to you? It's just odd to be hanging out by your car without having talked to you in the gym. It's just a bit rent-boy stalkerish behavior.

Given everything you have to risk, you're wise to give it more thought. If you had an open relationship or this were someone that you had something other than a purely sexual attraction to, it might be worth giving a second thought. But if the risk is your family over a guy that you haven't had a conversation with (and whose behavior seems very odd), you're better off taking a pass.

 

[Disturbance]

It is obviously causing you trouble, and a degree of delightful excitement to have him around, but if I were you, I'd search for another Gym.

If you have problems with you partner, sort them out together, and don't turn your troubles into excuses to treat him (your husband) unfairly.

 

[Seasoned]

You are ready for an affair if not with this guy then with someone else. Before having an affair I'd suggest couples counseling. After 17 years it's the adult thing to do. That way you would determine together whether the relationship is salvageable.