What to do, what to do...

[Pyramus11]

Sorry if bringing dead-ish threads back is bad, but I have an update, sort of.

We've talked a lot on IM, but only a little in-person, still. I really like him, and I think we could be called friends now, but there seems to be a snag. He lives at home, and his parents (religious) don't let him hang out with boys. Period. Reguardless of their orientation, they don't want him to go to hell, I guess...

I'll figure it out, hopefully. I've been a little more forward with him, calling him cute, and stuff, but I don't really know if he's interested in anything more than friendship... Oh well. It's nice to have a friend.

 

[Riverrick]

Wow, that's pretty repressive. I can't believe that they won't let him hang out with boys. Like that will make a difference. I assume they are already afraid that he is gay.

Sounds like he could use a friend, just like you could. I'm glad you guys have each other to talk to.

 

[Pyramus11]

He's out of the closet, to them. They think he'll be promiscuous or was being that way, even though that's not true at all. Him being unobtainable makes him a little more attractive, but it's so frustrating. The one guy I thought I had a chance with, the one guy that remembers my name, the one guy who I actually think I like as a person, not just a pretty face (but he's got that, too), and he's essentially locked away in a steel box, except for the one class we have together.

I could just drop this, and settle for IM friends, but that's not what I want... I really, really like him, and he can't live with his parents forever. I've told him basically that I have feelings for him... He said it was sweet, but nothing else, so I don't know if he's interested or not.

His birthday is very soon, so I said I'm giving him a voucher for a date/movie/whatever on me, anytime he wants, or is released from the vile clutches of his parents, and he said he would, if he could, so... I guess that's good. I think I've been a lot more forward with him, because I keep calling him hot, and cute, and stuff like that, but I'm trying not to just break down and start telling him I love him or anything, because I don't want to freak him out...

This situation is so maddening..., but I'm glad I'm trying instead of just sitting.

 

[Brer Fox]

Will not let him hang out with boys? For God's sake. Such love coming down from these parents.

You are in a shaky situation, yes, but I think you are letting go of him way too quickly. One of your problems is this self-image issue... you should be spending time with him at school, since that is probably some of the only face time you can get comfortably with his fascist family at work. Who cares if you are 'seen with him?' That is silly. You are in high school, you are an adult, or are very close to being one, and that goes for everyone else, too. If anyone has the gall to ask, just say you are friends, and that it is really just none of their business. Both of which are completely true.

Anyone who is afraid of you being gay, and who will ostracise you for it, is someone you can be sure you will eventually not be comfortable with. Even though we all have closets, it is unlikely we will ever truly live out our lives without being outed in some form or another. The only exception to this suggestion is if there is a personal danger to you, but in the modern day that is thankfully not as great a risk, and if people like your friend can be openly gay and unhassled, then it is probably not pertinent. The opinions and rumors of high school jackasses do not have the right to infringe on your relationships, friendships, and happiness.

Hang out with him at school, just do it. So you only have one class, but you've got lunch, and right after or before.

And, man, while I know 'his parents don't let him,' find a way to do something with him. It is my personal philosophy that if someone is suppressing your freedom to be happy doing things that are necessary and natural, you have every right to do whatever it takes to overrule them. If he can drive, and he can lie, you can date. There is simply some crawling in and out of bedroom windows to be done, Romeo.

He is not locked in a steel cage, that is bullshit, and bullshit makes the flowers grow, so go smell the roses and have a good time with this guy. Then you have just a little bit to ride out until he is independant and you can potentially make plans together.

No, do not rush him, but do not just sit around and let him slip through your fingers. Think about his side, he is obviously oppressed and skittish about relationships because of where he is. You are probably all he's got... there is a very real chance he may be forced into some sort of straight life that he does not want, so convince him he can be what he is and be happy.

 

[Pyramus11]

Being seen with him isn't my issue anymore; I've gotten over that. In fact, I'd love to be seen with him... Believe me, I've tried to run into him in the halls, but in a school of well over 2,000 it happens a lot less than I'd like.

I have no intention of letting him slip through my fingers, but I'm not going to squeeze so tightly that he runs away.

The universe and I are having a bit of a pissing contest. The universe says I can't have him, but I say I want him. The universe is going to lose, if I have anything to say about it.

This is all subject to him having reciprocating feelings.

I'm probably going to ask him if he wants to meet me before school, on Monday, so we can hang out, so that could be an option... I love the time we get to spend together, even if it is via AIM, and I think he does, too.

 

[Pyramus11]

Man.... I feel like crap... I think I got to invested in the idea that he'd say yes right off the bat. I suggested that since he has a car, it'd be pretty hard for his parents to verify who he hangs out with, and he said he usually does with his parents say, so I take that as a "I'm not going to sneak out, with you," type of answer... He lets me flirt with him, but he doesn't flirt back, so I think he's being nice to me, and doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I don't feel like crap because I think he's turning me down, but because I think I might have changed our friendship, because I was hitting on him, even if it was only a little... I hope I haven't broken anything....

Gah! I'm so not used to having crushes, like this. Sure, I've had them on guys who I can't get, because they're straight, but this was almost in my reach... I guess I'll just see what happens, and try not to do anything stupid..., if I know how to do that...

 

[Pyramus11]

Well, this is quite a bump, but I think this situation is resolved.

He found a boyfriend that he's willing to sneak out for. I'm happy that he's happy, I'd just be a little happier if he were happy with me, instead.

On the up side, college in the fall, so a chance to meet new people.

 

[confusedboy23]

It's hard to be happy in such a situation and I know how lousy one can feel having been there myself but I guess that's what love is all about.

Good luck with college!

 

[Riverrick]

Well, this is quite a bump, but I think this situation is resolved.

He found a boyfriend that he's willing to sneak out for. I'm happy that he's happy, I'd just be a little happier if he were happy with me, instead.

On the up side, college in the fall, so a chance to meet new people.

Sorry it wasn't you he chose to be with.

College should help your social life, though.