what to do when your best friend boyfriend is cheating on him.

[Seasoned]

Thirteen years!?! Your friend certainly has had every opportunity to have discovered this for himself. And you have had the opportunity to discuss this guy with your friend.

How is it you have access to his computer? Is there something you're leaving out of this story?

 

[medic1]

As Seasoned has mentioned, 13 years! This is long enough for your mate to figure this shit out by himself. Why are you only now considering taking any action in regards to this douchebag?
Also, hacking into someones computer, not cool dude.

 

[lambdaboy]

Do not get involved it will be you that loses a friend!

 

[medic1]

somehow i feel you have cheated before if you don't think is not cool i hacked into his computer. He has done the same with me trying to figure out if i and Chris had a relationship which we have not. Is a hate relationship between the douchebag and i. He hates the fact I have known Chris longer than he has and that we are very good friends. My friend Chris is the most naive person in the world, if his douchebag is cheating he would not know about it. He trusts him. I have not said anything because i never know if is the right thing to do, is his relationship. I have tried to give him hints but he never wants to hear about it..so i pretty much just stayed out of it. I now have proof of his cheating and don't know if i should use it or not..mutual friends have said to stay out of it..

I can assure you that i have never cheated on my two lovers, why have a sandwich outdoors, when you have prime steak at home. I am sorry if you thought my original post was judgmental, i was merely questioning your actions of hacking into anothers computer. I do understand your frustration, especially now you have "tangible" proof of this guys cheating on your friend. In previous threads like this one
i too advise not getting involved, as i did only the other day to another member. If you had posted more about the dynamics of your friendship, and the dislike his lover has for you in the original post, then my response would have been more tailored. For what it is worth, i think you are making the right decision in "staying out of it".

 

[palbert]

somehow i feel you have cheated before if you don't think is not cool i hacked into his computer. ....

What stupid non-sequiturs. I know this is no-flame but you come across as a petulant asshole.

 

[Disturbance]

Tell your friend that his boyfriend is cheating on him. There was a very similar thread not long ago. I said it there and I say it now: You have all rights to tell the truth and your friend has all rights to know the truth. He can make his decisions based on facts thanks to you if he chooses to do so. Whatever he does with the information is not your responsibility.
I would do this, always. No exceptions. If I lose a friend? Fine. He was no friend then.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's really two issues here- one is the relationship between your two friends and the other is your relationship with them.

I have tried to give him hints but he never wants to hear about it..

If they've been together for 13 years, chances are that both parties know what is going on and either they have agreed to it... or they're just looking the other way and pretending that it's not happening. After that long together, the chances are good that any information you provide won't change anything and is more likely to backfire on you.

Is a hate relationship between the douchebag and i. He hates the fact I have known Chris longer than he has and that we are very good friends.

The other part of this is your conflict with the boyfriend. While you are trying to be a good friend and you want to be protective, you've already dropped hints and pretty much spelled it out for your friend. You could make it even more obvious but given the circumstance you've described, you're more likely to be dismissed as someone who has a personal beef with the boyfriend.

somehow i feel you have cheated before if you don't think is not cool

The members who respond in the support forums take time out of their busy lives to make a good faith effort to offer advice. We never require anyone to take the advice but we do ask that they read and give the advice some thought. It's never cool to attack someone offering advice.

 

[KaraBulut]

...It was a childish reaction but a human one. So MEDIC1 I apologize.

Everyone has a bad day. Thanks for accepting the feedback and offering the apology.

...Thank you for your advice. You are absolutely right. I have decided just to take a step back and remove myself from their circle. I am concerned for Chris but there is really nothing i can do there. This is a situation that has become toxic and i want no part of it. If Chris ever needs me all i can do is just be there. Thank you again.

It's important to have friends and to be a friend. Hopefully, your friend will eventually come to his senses and if he does, he will need the support of his friends.