What to do ...

[MirrorMan]

There is this guy I really like, but of course there are some problems ...

- He has a girlfriend ...
- I'm 99.99% sure he is not bi
- I actually think his girlfriend is nice so I don't want to make her sad
- I don't want to screw up our friendship

I'm not really out of the closet so to speak (a few of my closest friends know) and I don't think he knows, but he is all I can think about. Normally I just lie in my bed all night thinking about him, and when I can sleep my dreams are always about him. I ask him what he would do if he was in a sitiuation where he knew he loved someone but he also knew they didn't love him back, and he said I just have to follow my heart and that a true friend wouldn't leave you for that. I just don't know if I should come clean with my feelings.


FYI- I know I made a topic afew weeks ago about my boyfriend, but to clear things up we are not together, and even when I was with him I could only think of this other guy and how much I loved him... My last boyfriend was just bi and in denial, he claimed I "made" him gay so I told him we were done"

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Look, you must have heard this before:

You are wasting your time.
You are possibly demaging your friendship.
You need to get a life.
Do so. Move on.

Only you can decide, if it is appropriate to come out to your friend and fess up your feelings for him. That is however, rather secondary to what you need to do now.

And that is to stay good friends and move on with your life.

Not easy? Who said life was going to be easy, rite?

SC

 

[screwnutty]

Hey Mirrorman!

first off welcome to JUB!

second. Good for you! You don't need a boyfriend who blames you for making him "gay" that boy has some serious closet issues! Like the fact that he's so far in the closet that he's in Narnia!

third. You sound like you know this guy pretty well. How does he feel about gay people? Ask him what he would do if one of his male friends told them that he had a crush on him?

My point is you can either tell him up front and risk hurting your friendship (there a change that if he really likes you as a friend and isn't bi, that he will turn you down gently) or you can continue to ignore this feeling you have for him. Course I've done both....but it gets to a point were you can't stand it anymore so I told my friend that I liked him in that way. He got mad at me. said he didn't need to hear this shit etc. and didn't talk to me for a week, however some personal shit happen to a friend of ours and were back talking again via e-mail and phone. (he lives 3 hours away from me) and well we don't talk about it, I know that he's straight and can now move on to better things.

Remember, there's always plenty of more fish out there in the watersQ

cya around man!

 

[MirrorMan]

You sound like you know this guy pretty well. How does he feel about gay people? Ask him what he would do if one of his male friends told them that he had a crush on him?

When we were talking he ask me who it was I liked, and he said he wouldn't judge me. So I'm thinking it wouldn't bother him.
Also if he felt the need to say that then I'm guessing he knows I'm gay... or at least thinks I might be...

 

[slobone]

Since you yourself have given us some pretty good reasons why nothing is going to happen with this guy, why create a scene that would be unpleasant for both of you? Just keep being his friend, and enjoy your fantasies about him when you're by yourself.

There are a lot of posts on this forum from guys who have crushes on their straight friends. I guess it's a transitional stage for guys who are still in the process of coming out. Once you start having sex with other gay guys, you'll probably forget all about this guy.

 

[EricCage]

I'm in a similar situation. I have known this realy cool friend and we flirted alot. We've known each other for alomost six or more years. He knows that i'm bi/cuirous and that I'm attracted to him, alot. He too is bi/curious as we share mmf and gay (however little) porn. I still have a huge crush on him but I realised that this would never happen between us, even for experimenting sake. I even dreamt of him last night (from a long time now) again.

We have grown apart some but sometimes I still want to call him and sometimes he still calls me. We haven't met in a while though. He wanted to meet for Christmas but that dind't work out as our schedules were not syncing.

I'm still ache to see him or to intimate with him because I totally trsut him but I know that it will never happen. Knowing however, does not take the want/desire/pain/ache away.

 

[dj415]

I told a straight friend I was madly in love with him. He said he loved me too but we weren't going to have sex. I kinda knew that going in but it was good to get it on the table. Twenty years on and we're still great friends.

 

[thermodynamics]

I was in a situation reasonably close to yours. I think you'd be safe telling him you're gay. But don't tell him more than that. If you go further, you WILL destroy the friendship. I told the guy I liked, and we're not really friends anymore.

From there ,it gets harder. You need to get him out of your life, no matter how hard it is. By doing that, you'll get rid of your feelings for him. It worked for me, though it was incredibly difficult. But you will get through it.

 

[spreadeagle]

Get an interesting hobby or even - radical thought - a job.

 

[Riverrick]

He may already suspect. So I guess it wouldn't hurt to just come out and say it.

Maybe it will be good for you to hear from him that there is no chance of having a romantic relationship with him.

 

[Eagle653]

You've already given yourself the best answer possible:

- He has a girlfriend ...
- I'm 99.99% sure he is not bi
- I actually think his girlfriend is nice so I don't want to make her sad
- I don't want to screw up our friendship

There's really nothing left to say. I don't that doesn't make the feelings of love and the pain and frustration go away, but at least you're not living in a fantasy world with unrealistic hope and expectations. As you wrote above, it's a hopeless case. Now, you just need to turn your attentions away from him, and onto guys who can love you back.