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What to do?

H

hoteiosho

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OK, so I met this guy through a dating site online and we ended up talking and eventually going on a date. Well since than, I have been seeing him exclusively for the past few months. We go out, go to each others place, and just spend a lot of time together. We text all the time as well. Well we were unsure to where the relationship was going, so we both agreed that we are, you know, dating or whatever and that we would be just with the other person. The only problem is, i live about an hour away, so we dont get to see each other as often as I like, and when I do see him, he will get texts and such from other guys with pictures and such. Also he talks to guys on the internet a lot. I don't really know what to do... is this normal for guys to do? or should I talk to him about it and tell him not to do it?

sorry i'm a bit tired, but i hope this makes sense...
 
What you are really asking yourself (and us) is: What do I mean to this guy? Am I one of many guys with whom he has an Internet relationship? Am I one of a few that he's actually met? How serious is he about me?

You can ask him to stop, but, honestly, he probably won't. You're an hour away and you guys can't be there for each other--as in close physical proximity. You can call, you can text, you can do all sorts of things, but it's hard to establish a committed relationship from afar. It's easier to pull off if you had an in-town relationship before being an hour away, but to meet on the Internet and try to make that committed is hard (but not impossible) to do.

Is there a way to get closer in distance to him? Without doing that, this is going to be tough. What about guys in your own town, closer to you?

Good luck!
 
Wow man. This is a difficult situation. How well have you gotten to know this guy? Almost seems like he is still playing the field and not sure if he can handle a commitment. Does he talk about his friends with you and you are getting to know some of them? That may help you better understand who he is. Does he know what you are looking for in the relationship?
 
Well, when we talk, he seems devoted to me, as in i am his only relationship. When i visit, i am able to see him any time really, I mean he doesn't have a lot of friends, his family is important, and he works a lot. I have met a few of his coworkers and they say they have heard a lot about me, and I think it would be awkward of him to really talk about more than one relationship. I've met his family before too, so I'm not really worried about being just another guy, what I'm more worried about is whether or not he is just hooking up with other guys.

I honestly don't really think he is cheating on me, I think he just talks and such to these guys, I guess I just feel a bit jealous maybe? What I guess I am asking is do you think its ok for him to be doing this, talking to guys, obviously not looking for a relationship, just as I guess something for him to do type thing? Am I being to... paranoid I guess? Or do you think I am right for being worried?
 
And, no I'm going to school now, and he has a pretty established job to where neither of us could really move.
 
And I am pretty sure he knows what I'm looking for in a relationship. I've always had trouble talking about how I feel and I am extremely shy most of the time, even with him, so its a bit hard for me to flat out say how I feel. But I do try to give him hints and such, maybe I need to just man up and talk to him about it?
 
hoteiosho said:
But I do try to give him hints and such, maybe I need to just man up and talk to him about it?
Click to expand...

Hey hoteiosho,

You've got it one here mate... thats exactly what you need to do.

Because if its not this issue it will be another... and relationships are about honesty. If you are going to quietly suffer away then you will soon enough feel hurt or lost or worse resentment in the relationship. And thats no way to make it last.

Man up mate... and talk. It can be the hardest thing to start and do, but you have to do it now, and make it a corner stone of your time together. The less time you spend hiding and pretending the greater that value and quality your relationship gains.

Good luck!!
 
hoteiosho said:
I honestly don't really think he is cheating on me,
Click to expand...

Oh, dear boy. Please don't kid yourself. All the signs are there- you're not the only guy in his life.

You need to talk to him. If all of these other guys bother you, then you need to tell him that.

If monogamy and exclusivity is important to you, then you need to tell him that this is part of the deal.
 
Before you jump to conclusions, ask him about it... I did the same thing and the guy actually showed me the conversations he was having and it turns out, he was just trying to make friends. And yes, sometimes he would get hit on but he'd tell me about it and we'd make fun of the guy hitting on him. I seriously felt like an idiot for accusing him of cheating so talk to him before you regret saying anything stupid.
 
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