What to do

[aussieboi21]

Hey guys, Ive been around these forums just reading peoples advice and just general stuff. I've finally decided that I would become a member a few months ago and actually start posting. Now I'm kind of in a hole atm. I'm 25 years old and I'm in love with a 18 year old guy. Things were moving along slowly just how we wanted to take it, we have seen eachother nearly every week, but the last 6 weeks we haven't seen eachother at all. Now over the last week he has said that we are still going to be mates but not going to have a relationship atm because he doesn't have time in between work and study next year. He says nothing has changed but we can't seem to catch up. He has never seen me on a weekend, not because he is working cause he doesn't work weekends but he says his parents don't know about him which is understandable, but it's making it hard for me cause I love him so much. He says he does too but hasn't been replying to most of my texts and doesn't seem to have any time for me. I don't know if he is avoiding me because of someone else, he says there isn't anyone else, but I haven't been able to talk to him properly about it all. I've been a mess for a week now and don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him cause I know in my heart that he is worth fighting for. I've had enough relationships to know what is and isn't worth it. To add we have never done anything sexually together, that's what we agreed on, cause we didn't want to ruin anything. I'm just so depressed at the moment and don't know what to do. Any ideas? Thanks in advance

 

[backpacker]

It's been six weeks since you have seen him and he has told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He has been pretty clear as far as I can tell. I think if you "fight" to keep him, you will only push him further away. With him only being 18 the odds of a long term relationship are very slim. The best thing you can do is accept that it's over and move on. I'm sorry to be so blunt about it, but you don't seem to be accepting his less blunt ways of ending things. I know it won't be easy to move on. Keep yourself busy and go out on a few dates.

 

[medic1]

sorry my friend i have to agree with the orevious post,it is pretty clear that you
know what you want but at 18 i think that this guy still does not know what
he is wanting,again it is obvious that he has many wonderfull qualities and from
what you are saying he does want to stay in touch.
Perhaps this is the 1st time that he has felt this close to another guy and does
not know how to handle it,he obviously wants to stay in touch so why not try one
small step at a time? Whatever the outcome good luck m8.

 

[hylas]

its hard to date a teenager, and its hard to date someone much younger/older, and its hard to date someone who isnt out. you were doing all three at once. im sorry that you guys broke up, but the writing was kinda on the wall, wasnt it?

so youre broken-hearted, im sorry about that. but youll get over it, right? because youre not making your mental state dependant on a relationship with a teenager, right? because that would be just unbelievably stupid.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's nothing to "fight for" here. The relationship that you wanted has ended. There can't be a relationship based upon the feelings of only one person.

It's time to let it go. Endings are never fun and there's a lot of things that you will have to go through before you completely accept it.

That's the best thing for both of you.

You may be able to to continue a friendship but given where you are at the moment, it's probably better that you take a break from him. Spend time with friends. Do things for yourself and for others. Mourn. Move on.

 

[aussieboi21]

Tmw meet me at work @1pm u n i meetup mwa i love you babe xoxo im urs babe we arnt clased as cuple tho!eveythin is same tho nite x love Dan

I got this text from him last night, this is what I mean, he goes from one extreme to the next, I just can't get my head around it.

 

[Fritos]

I can read text pretty good, but even I dont even know what that means lol

 

[KaraBulut]

Tmw meet me at work @1pm u n i meetup mwa i love you babe xoxo im urs babe we arnt clased as cuple tho!eveythin is same tho nite x love Dan

Nothing personal, but a translation would help.

Don't put a lot of faith into texts. Or people that want their cake and to eat it, too.

 

[hylas]

reading my own post again, i realize i came across as a bit bitchier than i intended to... sorry 'bout that. i was going for 'tough love' and ended up with 'cold-hearted'. but what i was trying to say is...

I got this text from him last night, this is what I mean, he goes from one extreme to the next, I just can't get my head around it.

... thats pretty much how teens behave. its a phase we all go through, trying to find ourselves and making a huge fucking mess in the process. dont place your happiness in such unsteady hands.

 

[Echoes]

so, he wants to meet you at 1 pm at work, he loves you and you both aren't done as a couple, everything's the same, right?

I mean no offense but teenagers are complicated mate. Tell him to be clear and that you can't carry on that way given how things are now. As somebody already said you're trying to sustain one of the most difficult situations you can possibly put you through.

good luck.

 

[aussieboi21]

yeah he wanted to meet me at his workplace an hour before he started today, but i had to work, even if i wasnt working i dont know if i could of gone, i know that sounds stupid, but its just so hard, (no pun intended lol). When im with him, its like the whole world has changed, that its become brighter, but then it all changes later on. I just dont know where his head is at, ive been the one letting him call the shots. He was the one to say that we were dating and i was happy for that.

Echoes - thanks i can only hope that it starts to sort itself out soon, i want to know if i am wasting my time or not.

Basically i know that things can be pretty messy for teens, i understand that, i just dont understand why it has to be this way, he seemed so clear on what he wanted but now it has changed. I guess only time will tell, and i may be trying to make the impossible work but its worth a try right?

 

[Just_Believe18]

You're a 25 year-old man banking on the emotions and affections of an 18 year-old.

At this point in our lives, we come to the realization that younger guys are fun, but not relationship material. We are not going to find a meaningful relationship that is going to last from an 18 or 19 year-old. This is reality.

If you want to find a mature, meaningful relationship with someone who isn't going to be hot and cold (because their brain is still developing the logical functions of a grown adult), then date a guy your age or older.

 

[Echoes]

yeah he wanted to meet me at his workplace an hour before he started today, but i had to work, even if i wasnt working i dont know if i could of gone, i know that sounds stupid, but its just so hard, (no pun intended lol). When im with him, its like the whole world has changed, that its become brighter, but then it all changes later on. I just dont know where his head is at, ive been the one letting him call the shots. He was the one to say that we were dating and i was happy for that.

Echoes - thanks i can only hope that it starts to sort itself out soon, i want to know if i am wasting my time or not.

Basically i know that things can be pretty messy for teens, i understand that, i just dont understand why it has to be this way, he seemed so clear on what he wanted but now it has changed. I guess only time will tell, and i may be trying to make the impossible work but its worth a try right?

only you know if it's worth the try mate. I'd tell you to move on and to leave things just as how they are now, but it seems that you really want to be with him. I believe you should tell him how you feel about it all, I don't expect him to be clear though, as you can't be clear when almost nothing is clear in your head. However, if you're willing to deal with secrecy, sneaking out, and so forth, then go for it. Try to make an agreement about things you don't want to happen in the relationship and see if he's willing to do it, see how it goes... but I tell you mate, it'll be tough and you may give up in the process. It's not impossible though.

best of luck.

 

[aussieboi21]

He has made contact in that time via text and tried to call me once but I was at work so I couldn't answer. We may be catching up this weekend, so we will see what happens