The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Whats Holding me Back?

O

OTHFan

Slut
Joined
Dec 18, 2006
Posts
226
Reaction score
0
Points
0
i feel like everyone already knows i'm gay since alot of my classmates have teased me about it. like when someone first asked me if i was gay, i immediately froze up and denied it and ever since, i've just been a shell of my former self. i used to be outgoing but ever since they asked me that question, i spend way too much time thinking about if i'm looking gay to anyone. when i'm in public, i act as butch as i can, but i feel like the people that know me already think i am. i even heard my parents talking about it and trying to deny it. so if everyone is already sure i'm gay, why can't i actually admit it? i still deny it to this day and i don't know why. i left school for awhile back in may not because of the teasing since i did have alot of friends and even the people who questioned my sexuailty, most of them were my friends and i didn't feel they were attacking me, just going on their instincts. the reason i left was academic reasons and i've recently decided to go back starting in january. i will mostly be focusing on my studies since i'm already way behind, but i definately plan on talking to the same friends i've had who i haven't seen since i left. i fear i'll most likely continue to deny it even though like i said, i'm pretty sure they all already know. if everyone i know has already accepted it, why can't i? maybe then, i could bring back the me that didn't worry what everyone else thinking about them.
 
Hi OTHfan and BIENVENIDOS to the forum. perhaps the societal pressure against being gay could be a factor. it's obvious society ain't gonna reward you for your sexuality. just a guess on my part. it's not easy being different from others around you - others whose approval you seek and want. to come out, declare yourself through words or actions, be free of the fear of being found out - many times is very hard. whatever you finally do, we're all here to support you. and I hope SO much you will have the support of someone near you to be there for you personally if you declare yourself one of us. anytime you need to talk
to send me a msg.
ding
 
Hey OTHFan,

I have heard others say on the board that before you can come out to others you have to come out to yourself ... that is so true. When you come out to yourself, you are better equipped to handle the consequences of people knowing your sexuality and you will also have better control of your life in general. I sound like a hypocrite saying this especially since I still have a lot of coming out to do myself. However, I am out to certain people and I can see the difference with them and with people with whom I am still in the closet.

I am sorry I don't know what more advice I can give you in your situation. Perhaps taking some time to reevaluate yourself and why you feel it is so important to stay closeted for now.
 
hi OTHFan, i wrote you a note. i think i'm in the same boat as u.
 
ok, I need you yo print "I'm not brave enough to live life on my own terms" on a piece of paper.

Then light a match and burn it.

Then say "I am now" out loud.

then clear your mind of all doubt, and just act like they always knew. Mention the guy you met over Christmas and how pissed you are that Zack on Heros is suddenly straight.

If you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't either.

(it might help if you play some music that makes you feel strong while you do this. When I did it, it was "Would I lie to you" by the Eurythmics... but that was 20 years ago. I'm sure you can think of something that would suit you too, although the Eurythmics record is still available.)
 
i definately go to music all the time. it always gets me through no matter what the situation is. i'll have to search that song. i love the eurythmics so i'm sure i'll love it. thanks to everyone for their advice. there's really no reason for me to be closeted so i guess i just need to deal with that fact and then maybe it the idea of coming out won't sound so scary.
 
It sounds like you need to come out to yourself first. So where are you with that? Do you consider yourself gay?

Hang around JUB more. That will help you understand a little better just who and what gay men are. We come in all shapes and sizes and occupations. It may help you to dispel some of the beliefs that are getting in the way of coming out.

Finally, I would start by coming out to one friend. Build that base of support before you attempt it with everyone. It really helps not to be so alone when you are doing this. Good luck!
 
Here you go, buddy.

Use it well (and trust me on that writing what you need to get rid of on paper and burning it then verbalizing "I don't need that now". It's worked for me many times.)

 
if anyone wants to picture me dancing around my bedroom while I was encouraging myself to come out and strap on a pair... that's the soundtrack.
 
Riverrick said:
It sounds like you need to come out to yourself first. So where are you with that? Do you consider yourself gay?

Hang around JUB more. That will help you understand a little better just who and what gay men are. We come in all shapes and sizes and occupations. It may help you to dispel some of the beliefs that are getting in the way of coming out.

Finally, I would start by coming out to one friend. Build that base of support before you attempt it with everyone. It really helps not to be so alone when you are doing this. Good luck!
Click to expand...

i am sure that i'm gay no doubt. i will try coming out to a friend thing, i'll try someone who i'm most positive already knows to make it easier.

Soilwork said:
Here you go, buddy.

Use it well (and trust me on that writing what you need to get rid of on paper and burning it then verbalizing "I don't need that now". It's worked for me many times.)

Click to expand...

thank you. i love it. i'll try the letter burning idea to.
 
Next time you find yourself in a situation where you're going to deny what somebody has said, just don't say anything. Eventually, you'll find yourself even able to say something along the lines of "so what?".
 
Try this:

Look into a mirror and really really focus on yourself. Look at yoru features, and look into your own eyes and look into your soul and just quietly and firmly state it:

"I'm gay."

So far, you've only said that you feel that others know that you're gay, or that you're probably gay, or that you're sure, no doubt, but you haven't actually said those three words about yourself directly without any other words in between: I am gay. It looks like you're just getting the point across indirectly and just slightly being able to avoid it and deny it.

Just affirm yourself, dude. Get comfortable saying it and associating it with yourself. It's part of who you are.

Then find someone you trust and say it to them.

You'll be fine. ::hug::
 
OTHFan said:
i am sure that i'm gay no doubt. i will try coming out to a friend thing, i'll try someone who i'm most positive already knows to make it easier.
Click to expand...
Good luck with that! :)
 
OTHFan said:
i feel like everyone already knows i'm gay since alot of my classmates have teased me about it. like when someone first asked me if i was gay, i immediately froze up and denied it and ever since, i've just been a shell of my former self. i used to be outgoing but ever since they asked me that question, i spend way too much time thinking about if i'm looking gay to anyone. when i'm in public, i act as butch as i can, but i feel like the people that know me already think i am. i even heard my parents talking about it and trying to deny it. so if everyone is already sure i'm gay, why can't i actually admit it? i still deny it to this day and i don't know why. i left school for awhile back in may not because of the teasing since i did have alot of friends and even the people who questioned my sexuailty, most of them were my friends and i didn't feel they were attacking me, just going on their instincts. the reason i left was academic reasons and i've recently decided to go back starting in january. i will mostly be focusing on my studies since i'm already way behind, but i definately plan on talking to the same friends i've had who i haven't seen since i left. i fear i'll most likely continue to deny it even though like i said, i'm pretty sure they all already know. if everyone i know has already accepted it, why can't i? maybe then, i could bring back the me that didn't worry what everyone else thinking about them.
Click to expand...

What worked for me was coming out to just one person, the only person in the world I new I could trust and after that it was easier to come out to the other important people in my life but every time you repeat the process of coming out it takes allot out of you. I think the most dissapointing reaction I recieved was no reaction at all (my mother) but over all it wasn't that hard. I am not out at work because I work in a field that is not gay friendly.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top