What's it to her?

[spreadeagle]

You're a supervisor and were in a work situation so you should have known that it's completely inappropriate to engage in or encourage any sort of discussion with fellow employees about private sexual matters.

Were you responsible for hiring her? You need to review Starbuck's sexual harassment policy with her. Flirting with another employee, whether welcome or not, constitutes sexual harrasment and should be a dismissable offence.

 

[NongreasySweatproof]

In O2's defense, I don't think he said he flirted back. He just gave her facts: that he's not into girls. It was his employee, the girl, who acted flirtatious with him. That's clearly inappropriate, but I don't think O2 did anything wrong.

Girls like a challenge, and maybe a part of her is relishing in the idea of "converting" you to the other team. Call me weird, but I sort of have a thing for girls who have a thing for gay guys, but only if they don't act all desperate like the barrista--only sexy, confident "I'm gonna kick your ass" types of women. I think maybe it's more because I take it as a signal that the woman is openminded, though that could only be part of the equation.

Since you're a supervisor, you should continue doing what you're doing--ignoring her--and the problem will probably go away. If it continues, you should have a firm talk with her in which you draw the lines. I can understand your annoyance, but there's a pretty easy way to put an end to this problem. Worse come to worst, can her ass. My impression is that Starbucks employees turnover pretty fast, anyway, and even if you did nothing, she will probably be out of your hair soon.

 

[Scrub]

The real question I can't answer though, is why am I still pissed about it?

I'll take a stab at this. I've read it about 5 times. My thought is that she wasn't looking at you as an individual who is gay, but as how/what she feels a gay man should be. Just a thought.

 

[Rand]

I'll take a stab at this. I've read it about 5 times. My thought is that she wasn't looking at you as an individual who is gay, but as how/what she feels a gay man should be. Just a thought.

I agree - you want to be appreciated for being you, not being "my gay friend" or whatever.

But from the additional information, I think she just wanted to get in good with the management so she could last longer!

 

[PhoenixRising]

Or maybe she was just really, really annoying. For me, these types of people tend to piss me off because they're annoying, and worse, don't know they're that annoying.

 

[justdoitinnj]

I managed 147 people in a production factory at one time.
Whenever anyone asked me a personal question I would ALWAYS answer
them in the same manner...and that is.....
"Why do you need to know that in order to do your job?"
I had that job for 10 years and my answer to their personal questions was
always the same.

 

[luminum]

Gays are fashionable. being gay to her must imply several things that it does not imply to you. In her case it could be the "guy gurrlfriend" she's always wanted in a gay guy.

I think she's just excited because she probably doesn't know many gay guys or the ones she does know are flirty, exciteable, best friends with her. Probably like her, they're overtly sexual, etc.

I don't think she's doing it out of anything other than exciteability and misconceptions. So if it bothers you, just pull her aside and tell her that you appreciate her enthusiasm, but you'd rather she not make a scene. You're gay and okay with it, but you're just not that kind of person who'se overtly sexual and exciteable etc.

I dunno, I wish I could give you something more eloquent, but I'm in a funk today.

 

[Riverrick]

From reading your post O2, it sounds like it she boxed you in to a stereotype very quickly and then basically made a big deal out of something that you were feeling comfortable about as not being a big deal at work. And what's interesting about this story is that she did it, not by being homophobic, but by going overboard in the other direction.

I think that we just want to be judged on the basis of who we really are, not on any preconceived notion that's based on our sexual orientation. I, for one, really hate it any time someone tries to put me in a box.

 

[RicanDAB]

O2, when YOU start a thread I just have to contribute especially with my scarcity on this board lately ...

She sounds like she was one of those squeakies that annoy the hell out of you and won't let something go. I think you're still pissed perhaps because of the fact that she hung on to something that for you is naturally no big deal. It is like her saying "OMG you're a guy??" and harping on it for hours (like, shut up already). You're certainly a mature guy from what I have learned from you here and I figure you just don't entertain people's novelty on the subject, which is perfectly fine and I tend to do that too. Mentality toward others: Acknowledge the new info and let's move on please! This will pass and she's now gone so it will go even faster.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I guess, only you know, why she pissed you off that much.

I would be simply pissed off by anyone trying to ask any questions and thus, invade my sense of privacy. If I want to say something for them to know, I do so. If I don't...

Harping on it for a while can be extreme annoying, too. You never sought her approval for yourself being gay. She has been offering it over and over again, showing a bit of an extraordinary enthusiasm...

IMHE, I have never been really pissed off with anyone else but with myself. See, I cannot be held responsible for the actions of the others. So, I do not really get pissed off with them. But I'd be mightily pissed off with myself, coz I failed to stop her rant dead in its tracks.

SC

 

[landers]

I came out to a friend while we were on vacation, and for most of the next day she was really annoying about. She kept saying how happy she was to have a gay friend and kept asking me which famous people I thought were hot and which people we passed in the streets/mall/restaurants/etc. were gay. It was really annoying. Did I mention how annoying it was?

As for your problem with it, maybe it was the shock of it, so to speak. Ditsy-flirty-fired girl may not have been homophobic, but she was at least, well, ditsy enough to be fascinated by a gay man. It's like if a white guy went up to a black guy and said, "wow you're black" and then started asking a whole bunch of inane questions like, "how big is your dick?" or "what's it like to be naturally good at basketball?" Unfortunately there's a lot more people out there like that than there should be and, you're just going to have to get used to it.

 

[orem244]

I'm usually much more of a lurker than a poster, but this one hit a personal note for me because I get very irritated by the same thing whenever I encounter it (which, sadly, tends to happen quite frequently...).

The reason that I dislike it (and which I assume is the reason why it bothered you so much) is that in reality, one's sexuality is really only one small part of their overall persona. And when someone, upon discovering that you are gay, gets unnaturally excited about the prospect of having a "gay bff," they are basically choosing to ignore who you actually are as a person in favor of embracing a stereotype (which, in this case, happens to be a positive one, but still a stereotype nonetheless). The underlying implication behind this, of course, is that gay people are to be valued as a kind of comic relief, rather than be judged by the same standards that they would use for anybody else.

So, for me at least, the problem with these situations is that I'd much rather be valued as a person than as an "accessory." Anyway, I hope that maybe sheds a little bit of light on your situation.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey mate,

Could it be simply that you're the type of guy that gives? I mean...you're approachable, friendly and even after days of annoyance you were still willing to "accommodate" the situation...

I'm sure mate that there was a huge novelty factor in if for her...the questions she asked you about every man on the planet sort of points to it being some sort of new game for her...but worst of all you were her new bling...

I'm guessing that you were pissed because of all of the pointlessness of it all. The days of being gay being either fun or scary have passed for you now. Its not who you are, its just one more aspect of the real you, just another facet. But when it becomes all of you again its too much...and you are over it and the drama that it may have caused you in your life at some stage. To have that whole part of your life being dragged back out to centre stage at the expense of all else just isnt fun at times...

And in no way am I suggesting that you are ashamed or embarrassed about it...but you are a complete and whole guy...not just a GAY. You were pissed cause she wasn't able to see that. To see the down side, the hard side and the sort of guy that you are and have become in dealing will all those things. The guy thats caring compassionate and true. She didn't see the whole you.

I think...???

 

[tallguy297]

O2...I struggle...I hate... and I make so many mistakes. I'm so far from perfect that I cant even see the street that it lives on. And I worry that I come across as something that I'm not.

But when there is good to be seen in people I try really hard to see it and to tell them. My own struggles with reassurance and self worth every day tell me that its important for people to know their value. It easy when its there for all to see and its what they deserve to hear and know...

Writing what I did was easy mate...trust me... I meant every word. Your posts here on JUB make that so obvious...

And I might just take you up on that offer one day!