what's wrong with me guys? help me

[notfake]

Well,guys I dont wanna make this more complicated than already is.so I ‘ll try to explain this,but you should let me know if it’s not clear enough. i wanna help you understand my situation but it’s not that easy to explain you how I feel.my thing is that I think (I ‘m actually almost sure) that I’m gay.i’m 18 years old but I haven’t any gay experiences.so I’m thinking that first I should have some experiences to convince myself that I’m really gay.i mean how can I be sure about my orientation with no experiences? I mean I may not even like it.i wanna tell the truth to my parents but I wanna be sure first.of course they will react somehow but I think not awfully bad cuz they are kinda open minded.but I’m confused.am I gay or not? Should I have sex to know if I am first? And what if I won’t like it? Guys help me cuz I feel like sth is wrong with me.
Also should i come out to my parents? i mean in general do you think that gays should reveal their preferences or not??

 

[sentirpromesas]

notfake,
sex isnt necessary for self-identification. I knew i was gay way before i ever had sex. Sexual orientation is based on who you are attracted to sexually, not who you've had sex with. If it were based on the latter, then most of us would be considered bisexual since many had sex with women before they came out.

PS: trust me, if your gay, u'll like it (sex).

 

[sixthson]

I'm not sure having sex will prove much. It's conceivable that even a gay man could enjoy sex with a woman, but it wouldn't make him straight. Being gay, like being straight, is about so much more than sex. It's about how we love and who we love. It goes so much deeper than our penises. If it were just about that, many of us would probably question our sexuality since it would be so shallow.

Obviously, you have an interest in guys and this is causing you to question. For me, the question is not so much whether you would enjoy having a guy play with your dick as much as it is how your heart would respond to another guy in love.

You're 18, get to know yourself by interacting with others (male and female) on all levels, not just sexually. See where your heart chooses to find love. When you can do that, you will feel free to be honest with your parents and anyone else. Don't rush it and don't look for simple answers to complicated questions.

You can do it and good luck.

BTW, my man is from Greece...they're the best!! I knew I was gay before having sex, but he never had a gay thought before we met. Yet, he was the first to tell me how he felt. So, go figure.

 

[KaraBulut]

Haivng sex will just confirm what you already know.

Every now and then you hear someone say that they got drunk and had sex with a guy and it was like, "Oh my god. I had no clue!".

The other 99% of people will tell you that they already knew/suspected and then when they did the deed, it just like "OK, now I know for sure".

You're 21. Why don't you date someone first? Thereafter, what will be, will be. And you'll look back and wonder what the big deal was.

 

[G-Lexington]

Agreed. No straight guy wonders if he's gonna like having sex with a woman. He just sort of KNOWS. If guys turn you on, if you fantasize about guys, then I'd say it's pretty clear you should go for the guys. But don't feel you have to put the "GAY" label across your chest right away. Just go with the flow. If the shoe fits - as I'm guessing it will - you'll grow comfortable with the label in time.

Lex

 

[Maccabee]

I can totally relate too you, altough I'm somewhat older than you. I also really am not completely sure.

I never really was interested in girls, at least not like other boys of my age. I did look at boys and the last year things have developed. I got interested in boys and I knew I had to experiment in order to know what was going on. I did kiss girls before and I never really felt anything. The last two months I've kissed three boys and there was something.

The last three weeks I've started a relationship with a boy, but still I'm not sure. We've had sex, but I never really got completely aroused. It was good, though. But I think there still is some kind of a mental bloccade. Like, ok now I've chosen boys, then I really should get an erection right now (sorry, for visualising this ). I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself and that's wrong. Because when I'm lying with him on the couch watching a movie or so, it feels so fantastic (also downunder).

On the other hand, something very strange happened. Because the moment I said to myself that I was pursuing my interest in boys, I started to notice girls more. So at the moment I am really confused. I think emotionally I'm way more attracted to boys, but physically I could be interested in both. So if someone here has an opionon about my situation, please feel free to comment

I did tell my parents and my friends a couple of months ago and everybody understands my issues. It is really liberating to just discuss those things with other people, even if you're not sure. And I also think you should start experimenting. And even if you're not gay, just look back at your experimental phase as a good thing. Ok, I'm from The Netherlands, we are more liberal in those kind of things. But, I don't make a fuss about it. Also if I end up with a wife and 2,3 kids.

 

[EvilForce]

No need to fit a "label" onto yourself.

Maybe you'll like to have sex with guys all the time. Maybe 80% of the time. Maybe 50% of the time. Does it matter? Does love and sex have to come in either / or?

If a straight guy has sex a couple of times with another mate, does that make him gay? No. Likewise, if you have sex with a woman a few times doesn't make you straight.

Also, as you grow and change you may explore different sexual activities. Maybe you'll prefer to bottom...then a few years later prefer to top. Maybe go thru periods where you simply prefer oral sex. Relax. Enjoy spending time with the people you care about. Explore each other's bodies and form an emotional connection. Everything works itself out.

 

[notfake]

thank you so much guys,all of you really. i hope you dont expect me to say that now everything's ok and i solve my life problems etc. no,that's definitely didnt happen.
but i've done some progress i guess,cuz you helped me to start thinking different. i'm still confused though.i mean should my friends or even my parents know about my being gay thoughts? or i should stay at the closet till i have some experiences? i think it's actually my business who sex i prefer,i mean i can defend myself if things go pretty bad. urgh..i just feel that i should make up my mind but i still cant take a decision,i think it's only about saying "yes" or "no" but practically it doesnt seem to be that easy.cuz this is real life and i dont wanna screw it,cuz it's like my only chance,i cant take it back if sth goes wrong.and if i'm bi? revealing that i feel gay,it will totally destroy my straighty life. i mean can a girl be attracted by a bi guy?
i no i 'm becoming so annoying but i'm so confused that it's killing me.i spend the whole day just thinking about what should i do.

 

[KaraBulut]

i'm still confused though.i mean should my friends or even my parents know about my being gay thoughts?

They're your thoughts. You're under no obligation to share them with anyone.

With that said, it might help if you have a good friend with whom you can talk about such issues.

or i should stay at the closet till i have some experiences?

Let's play "what if".

What if you find a guy and have all-night-hot-sweaty-rock-my-world-butt-sex?

What exactly is going to change? What about any sexual experience means that you have to tell anyone anything?

There are three good reasons to tell anyone that you are gay:
1. Because you're sick of the lies and you just want to be yourself
2. Because someone close to you is having a rough time coming out and needs someone to talk to
3. Because you have someone special in your life and you want them to be a part of your life and your family

Any other reason is a matter of personal choice.

i think it's actually my business who sex i prefer,i mean i can defend myself if things go pretty bad. urgh..i just feel that i should make up my mind but i still cant take a decision,i think it's only about saying "yes" or "no" but practically it doesnt seem to be that easy.cuz this is real life and i dont wanna screw it,cuz it's like my only chance,i cant take it back if sth goes wrong.and if i'm bi? revealing that i feel gay,it will totally destroy my straighty life. i mean can a girl be attracted by a bi guy?

There are several questions in this paragraph. Let me put them all to rest by saying this:

CRAWL BEFORE YOU WALK.

You need to stop focusing on all of the purposeless agonizing over things that are so far off in the future that they are irrelevant.

Go live your life.

Enjoy being young.

Find someone to love.

Find someone to love you.

Then worry about the rest of all of this stuff.