What's your opinion on this?

[slnattak]

So a gay guy I've known for years told me recently that he had a crush on me. I've always had a crush on him too and was afraid he didn't like me back.

The problem is, he's more popular and more well-adjusted socially than me, so I doubt we will ever be in a relationship. Even though that's what I want more than anything, as I do love him. But he's extroverted and very friendly, and I am introverted and very...not. =p

So how can I get over him? I never liked another 'gay man' as much as I've liked him. We are probably better off as friends. We are opposites in many ways, except for we both like a few things. I am conflicted. I care about him deeply (and he just admitted that he had a crush on me too), but he kinda seems too preppy and outgoing than me. Do opposites attract?

He's a top and I'm a bottom so that is also complementary.

If we have feelings for each other and they are mutual....what do I do? I never had this happen with another gay guy before it's always been just straight guys or closeted married guys that were a bit too old for me.

Can I get over him? But I never have...

 

[mbamike]

He told you he "had" a crush on you. Why did he tell you that? Does he still have feelings for you?

Yes, opposites do attract and they make for some pretty enjoyable times.

If possible, I think you two should date and see if there is anything there. If not, then you can put closure on this issue.

 

[TX-Beau]

Huh? So he likes you and you like him, but he's just so popular it would never work and you're better off as friends?

How old are you?

 

[gameboy 11]

Huh? So he likes you and you like him, but he's just so popular it would never work and you're better off as friends?

How old are you?

I agree with his point of view. Kill your doubts and try this guy on. He clearly said he likes you!

 

[maksim9061]

I think you need to find out if he still has a crush on you, or if he did at one time. That very much changes my advice. If he likes you right now, then go for it. I myself, am an extrovert, and very popular, and outgoing, my husband is an introvert, and it works. Opposites do attract.
If he did have feelings for you at one time, but does not anymore, then I agree, that you need to get over him. It's not worth your time to pursue someone who has no feelings for you. I would suggest taking some time for yourself, and getting over him, because if you text him constantly, you will not be able too.

 

[maxpowr9]

I say take the risk also. We all have subjunctive history stories. I've done the "opposite" thing too and lasted for a bit but I learned we weren't meant for each other. At least I learned a lot about myself and learned new things also.

 

[Taz]

Who says people need to be alike for a relationship to work?

I'm extroverted and impulsive, and while I would love to be with someone that is also like that, I think I'd also love to be with someone grounded and thinks thing out.

You could bring out the best in each other.

 

[BlackMamba47]

Hey there OP, hopefully I can be of help on this, as I've been in similar situations.

I play a game in which there's a subset of players who do what's called "theory-crafting". What that means is that they look at potential situations within the game, decide what would be the best course of action, without actually putting the theories into practice. This is what you're doing here, I believe.

To most guys, here's how the situation you're in would go.

1) I have crush on guy I've known for awhile, but I don't know if he feels the same about me

2) Guy tells me he also has a crush on me

3) I'm ecstatic, we talk more, perhaps go on dates

4) We either work, or not work

Very simple. However, here's what you're doing.

1) I have crush on guy I've known for awhile, but I don't know if he feels the same about me

2) Guy tells me he also has a crush on me

2A) OMG, he likes me.....but, he's outgoing

2B) He's also preppy

2C) I'm shy and kinda nerdy

4) We won't work out, I move on

Do you see the gaping holes in the logical process? Your hypothesis is that you couldn't be in a relationship that would last because of your differences in personality (which for all we know could be a matter of biased self-perception). How do you test this hypothesis out to see if it holds water? You continue to talk, perhaps date, and see if it works out. But alas, you won't date him, so there's no way for you to know whether your hypothesis was correct. Hence, you're theory-crafting.

Other holes? You've been friends for years, and the fact he's preppy and outgoing as a contrast to your introverted nature has not in anyway affected your friendship. That should be a big plus sign, because if it really was as significant as you think, you two wouldn't have remained close friends for so long.

Another hole is the fact you've maintained this "crush" for years. Crushes usually come and go, and they tend to go when a person gets to know the person and sees traits and characteristics they don't particularly care for. Yet, yours has not subsided. Your "crush" has withstood his preppyness, his outgoing nature for these years, yet when your feelings are reciprocated by him, those traits become a stumbling block. That doesn't make any sense, does it?

Solution(s)? Well, the first thing I'll say is don't think that by trying to get over him now, you'll be successful. If you couldn't when you didn't know how he felt, now that you know he likes you, you'll have a Sisyphean task of trying to get over him now. You'll probably always regret missing this opportunity if you decide to leave things as they are, because your unrequited love had the chance to be realized, and you didn't take the opportunity.

Talk to him on a deeper level, hang out, go on dates, see if things progress. If they do, then wonderful. You'll experience something many of us have always desired but never experienced. That is, having a long-standing crush reciprocate our feelings. If things don't work out, it sucks, but life goes on. You gave it a shot, and you might have had good times. The short-term disappointment of that failure is much less emotionally damaging than the long-term damage of always regretting not having taken the opportunity when it finally presented itself after so many years.

 

[gameboy 11]

^BlackMamba's post was long, but right on the money. I don't see why you are holding back unless you are feeling insecure......don't!

 

[hylas]

it sounds like youre going out of your way to find reasons not to be with him. why?

 

[Nice Boy]

I agree with what has been posted here...

If he is into you and you are into him, why to miss the chance to date him?
Do not make pre-assumptions about whether it will work or not... Just try to find it out by dating.

And even if it doesn't work out perfectly at first, just don't sweat it and take time.

Update and good luck

 

[TheOscar]

Come on! GO ON A DATE WITH HIM! This is your chance here. You both like each other, so what's the hold up? He's extroverted and you introverted? So, that doesn't mean anything! It's definitely worth a shot. =D If it turns out you two just are really bad for each other, then, well, you can break up. Simple as that.

 

[Seasoned]

Why all this self-sabotage? Why this low self esteem? As is said, sometimes opposites attract. As someone who was extremely introvert I've come to believe that an introvert who can make forays into the extroverted side of life has the world at their fingertips. An extrovert isn't able to act introverted but and introvert is able to act extroverted.

So force yourself to just be a bit more outgoing and see what this guy is all about. Life should be fun. Enjoy.

 

[slnattak]

lmao I over-think everything. He doesn't, so yeah he covers up my weak spots nicely, and I kinda do the same for him. And yes, I am an incredibly grounded person.

I think I just need to date him for awhile and not analyze the relationship so seriously right away or think about it too much. He can go through people easier than me anyway, based on his personality type- so I shouldn't torture myself if things don't work out for whatever reason.

You've been friends for years, and the fact he's preppy and outgoing as a contrast to your introverted nature has not in anyway affected your friendship. That should be a big plus sign, because if it really was as significant as you think, you two wouldn't have remained close friends for so long.

That's true.

Thanks for the replies!

I don't really have low self-esteem. I just always assume nobody wants me because of how laid back and introverted and shy I am. =p (so ehh maybe it is a little low) It seriously surprises me when I hear a guy said he likes me or has a crush on me. It's like 'but why omg? I don't even do anything'

 

[slnattak]

He likes me, and I like him, the problem is we both kinda want somebody more masculine. He's not what I thought I wanted. He thinks he's more masculine than he really is. And I probably have that same problem. What do we do about that issue?

Like he has a typical gay boy voice. I don't mind, it's not gross or off putting to me but we all fantasize about the hot macho straight boy voice don't we? That's why this is so confusing. He gets my heart but he's not really the straight porno fantasy. Yet we both sorta want to be that.... while still keeping the good emotional compatibility.

Yet he thinks we don't get along as well as we really do. He likes me, but is frustrated about a lot of things I do. And vice-versa. It's complicated. =p We both are sorta reality-checkers for the other.

So it probably wont' work out. Maybe we're better as friends? I don't know. Romantic feelings are so frustrating.

He would fall in my arms like he was putty if I was macho. Don't sugarcoat or lie it's true. I'm not trying to have low self-esteem I'm just being honest. Every gay boy wants a hypermasculine stud. Not some fag. But I'm like an inner girl deep down inside that just wants to be loved. hahahahahhahaha. And so is he.