What's your relationship like with your dad or brother(s)?

[G-Lexington]

I believe my father has fought hard to take the positive things from his upbringing and mix it with things he felt he could do better. For instance, he was brought up Catholic in a small rural town, and I think he's kept all the positive aspects of that upbringing - a strong moral center, a sense of community, a belief that it's up to him to live a good life - while rejecting things like homophobia and self-righteousness. He obviously has trouble both talking about relationships, and expressing his love, but he works hard at it. I can see him getting a bit flustered when he talks about "gay issues:, even though he loves both me and my partner. And his hugs have always been a bit stiffer than I would've liked. But I GREATLY appreciate the effort. By being homosexual, I've sort of forced him out of his comfort zone, and it would've been easy for him to just insist on handshakes and not talk about it all. But he hasn't, and that's amazing to me. As it is, our relationship can be a bit on the formal side, but that's a VERY small price to pay.

My brother and I are only a year and a half apart. Our relationship has often fluctuated between great friends and casual acquaintence. We don't have too much in common - about our only common ground is music, so that's what we talk about the most. Strangely, his wife has brought us closer together - she has given us more common ground, and suddenly, it's great to be together with them. I actually feel closer to my sister than to my brother, but that said, I'm happy with our relationship.

Lex

 

[operafan]

No relationship with dad other than existence; a better relationship with the brother but really closes. We don't have anything in common but he does have a nice family and we all get along.

 

[Orlandude]

I lost my father a few years ago but I would say that we had a decent relationship. Despite his "old school" value system, he taught me some very basic, tried and true ways to get through this life. He was a good, caring and loving father and always provided for us. The only regret I have is that we were never close. He was just not that kind of man. I'm not sure his influence during my formative years had a tremendous bearing on who I am as a person today. While I have kept many things he taught me, I have also discarded many of them. I think, as we get older, we realize that not everything our parents teach us or pass on to us "fits". What may have been good for them is not necessarily good for me.

I have two other brothers and we were very close until they got married. That changed a lot of things. The wives tend to place more importance on their own families and the brothers have drifted away quite a bit. I would say we are close but not as close as we once were. I also realize they have their own lives now, just as I have mine. We all live in different cities too so that doesn't help. Having sibling was fun when we were growing up but now it doesn't have much bearing on my life. We are all very different people today and, while they are my brothers and always will be, we have grown apart and have very little in common. The point has been reached where my closest circle of friends are more like "family" to me.

 

[jtearth]

My dad tries to be interested in me. We have dinner ever week know that my parents are getting divorced. 13 years of Dad being in a drunken state hasn't helped his case much. Though he is a good guy. Are interest are just too different to be all that close.

My brother and I are civil. The only time we ever talk is when I need tech support >_>

 

[jamie_01930]

My dad died before I addmitted to myself that yes indeed I'm gay.

about the same time i told my mom why i wouldn't be getting back with my long time wife, i told my brother that his brother is gay.

he lived in georgia, i in massachusetts. he and i used to swap emails but normally i would send first. he recently moved to florida and when asked for an address or a phone number i got neither. i have decided that until he sends an email, on his own, he won't get one from me.



I am a slow learner

 

[willsboy84]

haven't really had much of relationship with pops. think he realized early on that his little boy liked other little boys. shit kinda really hit the fan when i was like 15 and he heard a rumor that i was "messing with guys" and haven't seen him since, and i'm 29 now. he gave me a call around xmas last year and we talked for a minute. he gave me his number but i've never gotten around to callin back, and vice versa.

no relationship at all with the 5 or 6 half/siblings i got littered around down south though.

 

[Pushover]

I never had a brother and my dad's the closest thing to a homophobe without being one. You can imagine what it's like living with his comments and not wanting to say anything.

 

[AaronG]

My dad is great. We're VERY similar in a lot of ways (temperment, outlook on life), and we've always had lots of interesting conversations.

The only exception is the whole gay thing. I came out to my folks before I was cool with being gay - I just couldn't hold it in any longer. Back then we were all on the same page: "We still love you, even though you're gay." But it was always VERY awkward to talk about, so we don't anymore. Now that I'm cool with being me, I'm hesitant to bring it up, because I've been told that a (hypothetical) boyfriend would be tolerated rather than embraced.

On the other hand, my little bro and I are very different, and we weren't close growing up. We get along fine, though, and we've found more common ground as adults.

I always wanted a big brother, but oh well.

 

[star-warrior]

I cared for my father for a few years before his kidneys ended him. I got to know him a lot better, and I miss the old fella. He came to me once in a dream years after he died, and I asked him how he was, and he said he was doing good. Plenty to eat and the food's good, he said. He also told me he'd been to Ireland. I told my sis about that, and she said she'd just got back from a trip there. She's his favourite, and I guess he was looking over her.

 

[Endlight]

My dad had six children. He was, to all of us an enigma, and a complete stranger. Mom often said, dad never, ever took one of the babies in his arms. He was the youngest of a large family and thoroughly spoiled by the grandparents. They never taught him what a husband/father's responsibility was. He never came to any school event, graduation and so forth. I think we shook hand about five times in my growing up years. Never a hug, never a kiss and never a kind or encouraging word. While very sports minded, he never attended any games I played in. When I graduated and got my degree, he was absent of course, and then I moved away. We never said goodbye. Later as my career opened up and I would fly back home, I could see he really wanted to talk to me. But by then I could not care less for him and refused any dialogue. Later he he came down with Alzheimer and I still found him to be a useless human being. Karma being what it is, I was the one called to confirm his identity after he died in the hospital. What a freggin loss of a human life. Other than providing a sperm for all of us. We buried him next to mom, but only because she wanted it that way. I and my siblings, would have sent him to the farthest corner of the cemetery.

 

[hubbellgardner]

My Dad is 91 and has Alzheimers but is amazing in spite of it. I am his caregiver now, after many years of hostility after I came out. Life is very odd, but I am truly glad this came about. Two of my brothers are dead now; one was murdered years ago and one drank himself to death last year. I had complex relationships with both because of being gay and their intolerance. Looking after Dad has made for a memorable Act II in my life.... ! I like this thread a great deal and find others stories most interesting !

 

[provenlogic]

My father left when i was 13, he's a drunk and an addict. We don't speak, and i haven't seen him in years. Which has been really nice. My mother keeps on me now and then to call him or talk to him (so i can win favor with him and attain his vast riches roll someday). I guess she just doesn't understand how i can just not want anything to do with him. He wasn't there when i was growing up, sure they were married, but he was always drunk or high and out with others or fucking another woman, so there was never any "parental bond". She was married to him for 24 years, so she had a bond of sorts, but i don't, and i think it's hard for her to grasp that i just don't want to deal with him.

 

[dpnice]

It has always seemed to me that my father and I existed alongside each other without ever realising that the other was there. In all my childhood I cannot remember a single moment when we communicated or expressed a single emotion.

As an adult I did all the things a reasonable adult, grateful for his upbringing, does; keeping in contact, the occasional visit and being there when necessary. I told him I was gay when it was necessary and he never had a problem with that, in all honesty I always wondered if he even understood what that meant even though he visited my boyfriend and I.

I was with him when he died and it was my responsibility to make the decision to discontinue his treatment. I shed a tear but I do believe it was more for what of could been rather than the fact he had just died.

I had a similar relationship with my brother who died when I was only 21yrs old.

Regrets most certainly as if both were still alive I would do everything possible to bring them back into my life. Many of you living emotionally separated from your family may believe that you couldn't care less. I assure you that as you grow older and reach an age where death doesn't seem so far in the distance you will realise that family is one of the most important things in life and without it there will always be a gapping hole in your life.

 

[woaini]

I hardly see my father in my life since he works on ship and is always away from home. Now I'm in another country, it's even worse.

I need a father figure, I guess.

 

[justjw]

Never really had a father as fathers go I guess, with him being 49 when I was born. It sort of skipped a generation, I have a grandmother who died of the Spanish Flue in 1918 e.g.
Never saw him as a father-figure, and I don’t think he ever got to grips with “the modern world”. He was too caught up I guess in WW2. I believe he was in Rotterdam in ’40 when it was bombed, and I believe he went to Germany at the end of the war as part of the “Princess Irene brigade”, but he would never ever spill one word about what happened in those years.
He died when I was 21.

I have two elder brothers, and we’re there for eachother in times of need (e.g. my mother’s death 3 years ago) but outside of that the contact is sparse.
Not that I wouldn’t like to have more of a contact with them, but I dó sense that since I’m the single one of the bunch, and they ‘re married and have (grown-up) kids, they sort of feel that Í have more time on my hands, and therefor Í have to be the one to instigate contact.

 

[Ninja108]

I get along great with my dad and my brother great. We still go to three Yankees games at least, our family tradition

 

[chillyboi]

my father passed
i see my 1 brother every so often(1 hr away)
& i never see my other brother

 

[elra]

Hmm. I guess I'll be one of the few voices in here that can honestly say that my relationship with every member of my family is rock solid. I call any one of them if not every day, every other day. I've never had anything other than support, love and understanding from all of them. I would definitely not be the man I am today if it was not for my family. Especially my brothers and father.

I'm really blessed to have them, and I tell them that whenever I see them.

 

[doctorsun]

My relationship with my father was loving, but strained. Once I reached adolescence, I started to really realize what my family life was like. A lot of things could have been done better. I resented my parents a lot. My father loved our family but he never tried hard enough to be a provider. My mother left him when I was 18. After that, her and I still saw him every week for dinner. We were actually closer then than we were before.

We were never close enough for me to tell him that I'm gay. But, he probably suspected. He died last year.

I never had any brothers. My parents each had a daughter from previous marriages, but I was the only child they had together. My mother had to have a hysterectomy a few years after I was born. I don't know if they ever planned on having more, anyway.

 

[Treborf]

I guess my father and I have this sort of unspoken thing. I don't think either of us really realize how much we care about the other until one of us is in trouble. I know that's kinda messed up but <shrug>.

As for our interactions...


Dad, <sharp upward nod> "How's that car running?"

Me, "Good."

Dad, "That's good."

This pretty much describes my dad and me. But my brother and I are really close. I dont think anybody understands me as well as my brother.