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When I came out...

I

Ichimoto

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I remember when I came out of the closet. I was, quite frankly, prepared for the worst. You know, everyone randomly hating me, people viewing me completely different, ignored from society... Stuff like that.

Buuut, when I actually did it, no one cared. While that may seem like a relief to a lot of people, that just about crushed me. I went through my life feeling that no one really cared about me at all, and even there, no one caring, nothing seeming to be able to change, well, it got a lot harder to move on.

Call me an attention whore or whatever, but there's nothing more irritating or depressing than people just not caring.
 
Question.

What kind of reaction were you looking for when you came out? Most 'straight' people don't understand how much of a burden it is to be in the closet and trying to hide it. So they aren't likely to....well throw a celebration or anything lol. No one caring is a really good reaction compared to some people who are willing to totally shut you out of there life because they don't believe in it or whatever.

Side note- You aren't an attention whore. Everyone needs some kind of attention, and feeling like no one cares is a horrible feeling.
 
healingduck said:
Question.

What kind of reaction were you looking for when you came out? Most 'straight' people don't understand how much of a burden it is to be in the closet and trying to hide it. So they aren't likely to....well throw a celebration or anything lol. No one caring is a really good reaction compared to some people who are willing to totally shut you out of there life because they don't believe in it or whatever.

Side note- You aren't an attention whore. Everyone needs some kind of attention, and feeling like no one cares is a horrible feeling.
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I wasn't expecting, or even hoping that people would all be kinder to me. I was expecting to face a lot of pain and judgement. That still would be better than being invisible. I just didn't want to be alone anymore. It's not like I had much to lose, either- I was already having thoughts of ending my own life.
 
Don't you have family and friends? If you don't then go to gay bars...meet people...go out..
If you live in a rural area definitely move to the city. I would feel like I'm missing out on a lot if I lived in a small town..because I would be missing out on a lot.
 
DJ1990 said:
Don't you have family and friends? If you don't then go to gay bars...meet people...go out..
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I didn't trust, or like, for that matter, my family, and no, I didn't have any friends.

I lived in a ridiculously small community.
 
I've come to realize that if you live your life for others, you'll slowly lose yourself along the way. Live your life for YOU! To hell with popular opinion and "good advice" because the best person to know what you need is you.

And welcome to the Benevolent Order of Attention Whores Local 151 [a.k.a., The He-Man Woman Haters Association]
 
Ichimoto said:
I didn't trust, or like, for that matter, my family, and no, I didn't have any friends.

I lived in a ridiculously small community.
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So this was all back in the day?
Well I hope you're having fun with your gaynesss now.
You should have gotten some fag hags...girls always think it's so cool when I tell them I'm gay..except the occasional homophobic one.
 
I know how the OP feels.

I've told a handful of close friends, as well as the girl I am currently seeing. In all cases, the response was "...oh. Okay. No worries."

In a way, this is great - I didn't have to deal with massive fallout. But like the OP I was expecting... something. Not necessarily a fight, or an OTT melodrama, or pointing and screaming and running away, but more than "...oh. Okay."

I found myself harping on about it ad nauseum under the guise of trying to make sure that they understood where I was coming from - I mean, that this was not just a phase, it wasn't something which I would want to notch up to curiosity or drunken horniness, and more than that it was not something I was ashamed of but was most definitely a big and permanent part of me and something which I live with every day - but probably more than anything else all I was really aiming for by doing that was trying to provoke something more than just "...oh."

-d-
 
Are you joking me? I would love for my parents/friends response to be something close to "oh."

If I came out things would be thrown across the room and then yelling and screaming would soon follow.

You were very lucky your friends respose was an "oh."

That response is filled with a lot more udnerstanding than anything I would ever get.

blackbeltninja said:
I know how the OP feels.

I've told a handful of close friends, as well as the girl I am currently seeing. In all cases, the response was "...oh. Okay. No worries."

In a way, this is great - I didn't have to deal with massive fallout. But like the OP I was expecting... something. Not necessarily a fight, or an OTT melodrama, or pointing and screaming and running away, but more than "...oh. Okay."

I found myself harping on about it ad nauseum under the guise of trying to make sure that they understood where I was coming from - I mean, that this was not just a phase, it wasn't something which I would want to notch up to curiosity or drunken horniness, and more than that it was not something I was ashamed of but was most definitely a big and permanent part of me and something which I live with every day - but probably more than anything else all I was really aiming for by doing that was trying to provoke something more than just "...oh."

-d-
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No-one loves us the way we love, and no-one cares about our crap the way we care. It's our crap, after all, and they've got their own crap to deal with. Not to mention that we are the only ones who have heard everything anyone's ever said to us, and who have had all the experiences we have had. So no-one but ourselves can possibly understand how all of that makes us feel.

Coming out is not unlike the death of a loved one in the sense that our lives are irrevocably changed, and yet the world goes on around us like it always has done.

If you were having a more difficult time with your coming-out process, and went through extremely dramatic bouts of very public anguish, you might get more of a reaction. It just sounds to me like you're a little too stable or mature for that sort of thing.
 
Maybe it's because...

daffyd_thomas_203x152.jpg


You thought you were the only gay in the village.
 
I came out to a couple of my close friends. Their reaction was "Oh, I didn't know." I will come out to my parents sometime in the future, but I do hope their reaction is the same. Why? Well, I like to keep to myself. I don't care who my friends are. They can be whatever doing whatever as long as they treat me with respect and as friends. I think your friends did care, but at the same time, they're probably just comfortable with it so it doesn't phase them.

When I come out, I'll still be the same, but you'll just know me as gay. That's it. I'll still have the same interests and personality as I did a minute before I came out.

I guess you can try talking about it with your friends...if it comforts you.
 
The White Stripe said:
Are you joking me? I would love for my parents/friends response to be something close to "oh."

If I came out things would be thrown across the room and then yelling and screaming would soon follow.

You were very lucky your friends respose was an "oh."

That response is filled with a lot more udnerstanding than anything I would ever get.
Click to expand...

I realise all this, and I felt really stupid at the time for expecting more, and it took me a while to figure out why it was bugging me that there wasn't something more vocal.

In the end I figured it out talking to my current gf, when she said "we've all done things we're not proud of" that she had completely missed the point of what I was trying to tell her. I wonder to this day whether some of the people I have told simply think I was bored and horny and haven't understood that I am genuinely bisexual.

To clarify, I'm not hoping for a yelling match when I tell people - I'd take the "oh" over the drama any day. But I do always hope they'll at least ask a question or two so I can see we're on the same page and that they understand where I'm coming from.

-d-
 
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