When is it ok not to use condoms?

[Scottyboi]

Go get tested together. for *everything*

Not just HIV, gonorrhea, Herpes 1 & 2, and chlamydia. But also get tested for Hep. C. and any fecal bacterium or parasites.

Your best bet is to go to your doctor and ask him (being entirely open about both your sexualities and sexual histories) what diseases you might have.

Then theres the spilled milk in the bed...HPV. They don't have anal pap smears yet for gay men (theres studies going on but thats all they are).

But they have come out with a vaccination against 4 of the leading types to cause cancer. You both need to get this vaccination in case you don't already have that strain.

And still, you can catch or pass on some other strains that have the potential to cause harm.


Just to give you a heads up on my bias though, I work in medicine and see guys come in all the time that end up being Pos cause their bf was fucking on the side. So I'm sorta paranoid and would probably use a condom always anyways (+ I have patients who are HIV pos., I work constantly with Hep. C patients, etc. So cheating or no cheating I'm already at risk)

 

[heightsboi]

Ditto everything Scottyboi said. When in doubt, use a condom.

Admittedly, i have been with the same guy for the last 7years, and we haven't used condoms in about 6.5 years. We are monogamous and have followed each other halfway across the country. That should really be the only time you don't protect yourself.

Your health is too important too risk it.

You should both be tested for everything and share the results with each other. In addition to knowledge that you're safe, it signals a level of trust, commitment,and mutual concern for each others well being. At least for HIV, you should wait 6 months since each others last partners, male or female, before ditching the condom.

 

[bamaboi2784]

Tilgrieog, I am so happy that you have found someone that makes you happy. I agree 110% with everything everyone has said. But I caution you to still be the up most of careful!! I was in, what I thought was a committed relationship with someone for a long time, and it got to a point that we stopped using condoms...little did I know he cheated on me a few times and aparently didn't use condoms with them. Soon, after our break up I found out I have HSV-2. I strongly encourage the both you, if you deceided to not use condoms...please please please continue to get tested every 6 months...just to play it safe

 

[vidarr]

I'd guess that a majority of new hiv cases come from risky behavior in long term couples. So it's always best to be tested. I understand theres pressure to go without using condoms in a serious relationship. But think about how you would feel if you gave your partner an STD without knowing? Being certain you are disease free is one of the best ways to show you care for him.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's a lot of hygeine reasons why condoms are a good idea for anal sex.

There's two key reasons why a couple who are dating want to use condoms- one is about diseases and the other is about trust.

You can get tested for the most common STDs and have certainty that-for the short term- you both are at lowered risk for HIV, hepatitis, gonorrhea, etc.

But that only gives you certainty for the period immediately after that test. After that, it's a matter of trust that you're both being faithful and monogamous. Everyone says they trust their partner but when you look around, there's a lot of "monogamous" couples (straight or gay) that cheat- whether it's affairs or whether it's an occasional slip-up.

 

[justright25]

It is right when you both feel that it is. Do make sure that you both have been tested as everyone else on here has suggested but overall anal sex without a condom is not much worse than vaginal intercourse without one. Yes there are accidents and it may gross you out but normally there is no fecal matter involved. Always use patience and plenty of lube. It was actually more painful for me without a condom because I am uncircumcised but your experience may vary. Enjoy it if there is trust and love!

 

[mbamike]

There is about a six-week window in which the HIV virus can not be detected in a test. So, it is possible to get a false negative.

You can get a vaccination for Hepatitis A and B. There is not one for Hepatitis C.

Most STD's can be treated with antibodies.

I don't know about HPV.

Having consensual sex with another person is about managing the risks involve. The only way to be 100% safe is to jack off alone or to be celibate.

So, just gather the facts and make your best decision. BTW, yes gay couples have unprotected sex quite frequently, just as heterosexual couples do.

 

[freefall]

Like what ScottyBoi said. But how is your last sex exposure? If it's less than 6 months and unprotected, you better get tested for HIV twice before you let condoms off. If it's longer than that, usually getting tested once is enough.

After that, it's a game of trust.

What about the potential harm from those vaccinations? If I'm not mistaken, some of them have only been recently approved and haven't severe side effects already been reported?

The success rate is very high (99%-100%), compared to other vaccines available. There are side effects, but they are very rare, and the more common ones are mild and non-serious, so it's worth a shot. However, if the individual is already infected, the vaccines are worthless for the specific strain that infects the person.

The usual main concern about the vaccines are that they are very, very expensive.

 

[MoltenRock III]

What about the potential harm from those vaccinations? If I'm not mistaken, some of them have only been recently approved and haven't severe side effects already been reported?

Only 1,500 people out of 35,000,000 doses given of Gardasil had serious adverse side effects. For literally 99.996% of doses given had zero to only mild reactions to it. So the answer to your question is; no.

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/vaccines/hpv/gardasil.html

 

[Scottyboi]

Going with freefall and molten, I feel fine =P

 

[RaKroma]

Isn't Gardasil not advised for people above 26 because you're assumed to be exposed to HPV by then anyway?

 

[KaraBulut]

Isn't Gardasil not advised for people above 26 because you're assumed to be exposed to HPV by then anyway?

No, it's recommended for males 9 through 26 only because that's the ages that have been studied. There has not been enough research on older men.

The recommendation is that all 3 doses be completely before potential exposure to HPV (i.e. before the patient is sexually active) which is why it has been added to the recommended immunizations for pre-teens. And that is why it hasn't been recommended for all gay men.

And beginning in Dec, 2010 it is recommended for anal cancer prevention. HPV causes about 90% of anal cancer.

 

[KaraBulut]

--Hey, it does bring up an aside question though because, while I'm impressed that there is so much emphasis in the gay community around sexual health and having checks and all that, the question is why there isn't the same focus in the straight world? ...I mean yeah I know they press the health issues and using protection, but why does it seem that a requirement of being gay is having an STD test every 6 months, when straight people don't talk about that? I'm led to believe that the gay community is just teeming with disease that doesn't exist in heterosexuals... ... So,
Is there actually a lot more disease in the gay population?
And/or is the risk larger because gay people might tend to sleep around more?
Or, is the focus on testing mainly aimed at people who don't use protection?

You see, I guess I'd use the argument like this...: if I'm in a relationship and we eventually trust each other without protection, then it's like an expectation that we have tests every 6 months. But if I was straight the community wouldn't expect this of me (as it doesn't for a married couple). Is that a fair comparison and how do you explain it?

Cheers!

It is promoted in the straight world. Some listen. Some don't.

You can tell from the pregnancy rates that a lot don't. And just tune into any reality show and you can see that responsible sexual behavior isn't being promoted in the straight community.

Having been around for a while, I can tell you that back in the 1970s and early 1980s, gay people were living in ignorance about sexual health. The rates of syphilis, gonorrhea and hepatitis B in the gay community were high. But the general consensus was that, with the exception of hepatitis, it was no big deal and you just went to the clinic for a shot to get rid of STDs.

That all changed in 1982 when gay men started dying in several major cities in the US. When we started putting the pieces together and realized that there was a new STD that was lethal, most gay men started using condoms and being more responsible for their health.

Unfortunately, straight people still don't get it.

Currently, there's about 1.1 million people in the US with HIV. Worldwide, about 1.5 to 2 million people die each year from HIV-related illnesses- most of them are straight.

It's not that gay people are more prone to STDs. It's that after 650,000 HIV-related deaths in US, we got the message a long time ago that if we're going to sexually active, we're going to have to take precautions.

 

[jess70301]

Always Always Always No matter Your life isn't worth the chance of getting something that there is no cure for!!

 

[jason1977]

I also recommend the hepatitis A/B vaccination. People are always getting tetanus shots every 10 years and often not the hepatitis vaccines at all. Why? Getting hepatitis is more common from everything I've read. So, is you're possibly ingesting anything from the anal region, you really need to get that vaccine. In my opinion, it's especially important for men in the gay population.

Also, if you go without a condom, be sure that you've both been tested and that you trust the monogamy of the relationship. If all questions, doubts and security precautions have been met, I think that most monogamous and committed couples prefer to go without a condom once all questions and steps have occurred. But, each person has to make their own choice. Really, having a good doctor to discuss these things with is a great start.

 

[JaedenKaydence]

When is it okay to not use condoms?

Never.

 

[Seasoned]

My partner of 28 years and I don't use condoms. Healthcare providers report that when some sex partners are interviewed separately one may be monogamous while the other is not. Even with a few slips in the distant, distant past that involved safe sex we came clean with each other and used condoms while we waited to be tested. Trust has to do with a belief and may have nothing to do with reality. I hope you and your honey maintain openess and honesty. It's much more comfortable for me not to worry about cum being lethal.

 

[PrometheusBound]

Only 1,500 people out of 35,000,000 doses given of Gardasil had serious adverse side effects. For literally 99.996% of doses given had zero to only mild reactions to it. So the answer to your question is; no.

With all due respect, the answer wasn't "no" for those 1,500 people. A friend of mine has a daughter who was one of the unlucky ones; she'll never be the same again.

As for condoms, I agree that monogamy with regular testing is an acceptable risk.