When is the right time to tell your new boyfriend your skeletons in the closet?

[ThisIsMyNow]

Hi guys-

So, I've been going on about 3 dates with this really sweet, nice guy. We met about 5 months ago and have been talking on and off through texting and we finally ended up meeting a couple weeks ago. A couple days ago, on our 3rd date we finally hooked up and it went well. I think it's gonna head into a relationship which I'm really excited about, because I really like him.

There's something I (obviously) haven't told him because everything is still pretty new and I'm not sure when I should tell him. A couple of years ago, I started balding at a pretty fast rate. I got scared, so I went to a hair specialist who prescribed me on a pill that will diminish hair loss and grow new hair and made me go on rogaine which I've been on for about a year. Every night, I do this. Both medications have worked REALLY well and all I have that's noticeable is just a thin spot of hair on the back of me scalp. It's not completely bald, but it's definitely thin back there still. I use a product called Toppicks hair fiber that basically is a powder concealer that covers it up. You REALLY can't tell I use anything and it looks like I have a full head of hair. I don't need to hear "why don't you just accept the fact that you have thinning hair or just shave it off" because it's just something I'm very insecure about. I'm in my 20's too, so it's hard for me to pull off that look.

If we start a relationship and start sleeping over, he's going to have to find out eventually and I feel like I should tell him before we make this exclusive. What are your guys thoughts on this? Is using Toppicks a make or break situation to anyone do you think? I'm very anxious about this and haven't told guys this before but he has a right to know. When is the right time to talk about this and how?

 

[gaysian85]

Tell him when you feel comfortable. I actually have many issues myself and I've been talking to this one guy since May and I told him the issues I have. A lot of them could cause problems if I don't warn people about them. I have depression and I can get into a slump quite easily and this is something I shouldn't keep to myself.

 

[aaggii]

If he is into this as much as you are, he most probably doesn´t care. Tell him something like ¨I feel I can share this with you at this point, etc¨. If he´s fine with it, you can get over this insecurity; if he is not fine with it, at least you know he´s an idiot from the start, before this possible new relationship gets too far and you get too attached.

Good luck and try to fight your insecurity, you are not the first nor the last to take this treatment and as long as you´re happy about the results, no one should try to change something that fights against what affects you so much.

 

[sixthson]

I'd wait to tell him until after you explain why all your friends and family call you Lizzy Borden.

 

[Seasoned]

I'd tell him now just by stating you're insecure about your hair. If the treatments don't work you'll eventually need to give up the camouflage. The spot will get too big to hide without being obvious. You'd want a partner who can be honest with you.

 

[Robert12345]

First of all, you are taking this way too serious. Reading the topic heading I expected to read something about HIV or some criminal past.

I wouldn't bring it up, unless you touch upon the topic by chance. If you feel comfortable enough you can tell him, and if not, wait. If things go well you can, after a while, just use the camouflage in his presence, or leave the medicine on your bedside table and let him ask what it is about. He probably won't care.

 

[eastofeden]

I honestly don't think it is a skeleton in the closet. People do all sorts of things to enhance their appearance and it is considered normal.

Bring it up casually versus an "I have something to tell you" moment would be my advice.

 

[sixthson]

I'm sure it's a big deal only to you.

 

[ThisIsMyNow]

Thank you all for your replies. I would love to hear more.

 

[TX-Beau]

I came in here thinking that you'd killed someone, or were a Russian spy, running drugs? Kicking puppies?

How very disappointing.

Say it when it comes up. It's your body and if all of that makes you feel better go for it, I've never personally seen a guy walk because of thinning hair, and frankly if he did - good riddance. If that's the worst thing you have to confess, where were you when I was single?

 

[lambdaboy]

If he does not want to be with you for something like that find another guy give hi a chance!

 

[Scealle]

Hi OP! Don't worry about the hair issue. I have a few friends (both male and female) who has similar issues and they are very upfront about this to their partners. So I think you should do it to Some of them are quite young, I know someone who's 19 and already has bald spots but I think his shouldn't be an issue unless you want it to be.

If your partner leaves you because of the hair issue then it's his loss. Hair loss seems like a really lame and shallow reason to dump someone. I myself know of/seen quite a lot of people who can pull of the bald look

 

[dereperez]

Covering up thinning hair is so not a skeleton in the closet. It's a non-issue (in general) for people that truly care about you. Bring it up casually and I would say you should do it sooner rather than later.

 

[mcbrion]

This is something you need to look at more closely: thinking that this is anything "bad" that you have done, instead of it being a natural condition, might indicate your fear of supposed "imperfection" could use a little examining. It really is a minor thing, but if you let your insecurity run the relationship, it will also ruin the relationship, because it will always be about you and your fears, and it's hard to sustain love when fear is running around inside your head, and running the whole show. Consider talking to someone about it (professionally).