Where do I go from here?

[dan1982]

This is my first post and not quite sure where to start.


I’m 25 years old and just realized/accepted the fact that I’m gay within the last year or two. I have never done anything with a guy at all. Due to past academic failures I am stuck in a dead end retail job and living with a parents in suburban hell. As a result I’m social isolated and lonely. I now have a desire to attempt school again. However doing so would force me to spend at the very least two more years in my current situation, since the only school I’d qualify for as a community college. I fear this would seriously hinder my chances of success especially since loneliness was a significant factor in my last failure. The other option am considering is moving to an urban area in the hopes of meeting people so that I am no longer so miserable. Financially I am fairly certain that I could make this work since I am willing to work hard and just about the only thing I’ve done right is staying completely out of debt. Of course if chose this option I am likely dooming myself to lifetime of crappy service sector jobs. Any suggestions on what course to pursue would be greatly appreciated.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Dan,

Welcome to JUB Dan!!! Its great to have you here!!

Well mate... congrats on acceptance of who you are! Thats the biggest most powerful decision that you can make... its the one which sets you free and starts you on the path to taking control of your life and pursuing your happiness. It can be a daunting thing to do accept yourself, but the strength you used to make that happen will stand you in good stead. Be proud of yourself Dan... you have started a journey that will let you be all you can be.

Something that you have to beleive in Dan, is yourself. You have to know how special a guy you are... the way you love, the way you care, the way you laugh and make others laugh. You are unique and gifted... there are things about you, the choices that you make the strength that you have that set you apart. You are as good as anyone and the equal of all - you just have to beleive that you are good enough.

You're at a time where you want to make some choices - and you're wise enough to seek advice, just another sign of the guy you are. Some of us mate have to make our own mistakes before we wise up enough to ask for help!

Dont worry about never having been with a guy - there are plenty of us who are late starters - lots of us came out later than you. Its not important and your partner wont care about your level of experience - he'll care about you. This part of your life holds some new and incredible experiences Dan... let them unfold as they will... just enjoy them as they come.

And dont let yourself be talked into limitations - there is no way that you are doomed to crappy jobs...not a chance in hell of that... if you beleive that you can do better. Only you will limit yourself in the choices you make - no one else. Nearly all of the most financially stable and secure people I know are people who have zero college or uni education. They are people with trades or job/life experience that either makes them valuable to the companies that they work for or to their own businesses. Quite a few of my friends make 6 figure sums mate... and all of them are ordinary guys. None of them are special, they just work hard.

Sales for example is an area that people skills are all that are needed. No degrees. And if you work for a reputable company and do a good job, then the rewards are there to be had. Look mate, there are plenty of examples of jobs where only you will limit your success... so don't condemn yourself. Aim high.

Maybe the workforce is the right place for you at the moment. Dont rule college in our out - the future is a big place. But it sounds to me like you are crying out to spread your wings and to let yourself grow and learn. Financial security is important Dan, but your happiness and your fulfillment as a person is what will lead you to be all you can be.

The independence that bread winning will give you will let you grow. It will let you explore and learn. It will give you the freedom to chart your own course for a while. Just dont look at it as second best. Because nothing you do ever has to be second best.

You have to make up your own mind mate... but understand that you have enormous potential and power to create a future the way you want it to be. Work hard, start low and aim high. Theres absolutely zero reason why in a few short years that you wont have a life of financial and emotional success laid out before you. Your in charge Dan. Live your life the way you want to!

 

[lifeisamazing]

Well better late then never right?! Infact, your not late at all....School has always remained where it is....and its still there. First, register for school...and get started that way. And if you don't wanna live at home anymore, try moving out find a roommate on Craigslist or ask some friends if they all wanna get an apartment together -- or suck it up and stay at home for another two years, trust me, You'll spend so much time with school and homework you wont notice your parents after a while (trust me, i am going through school...even summer classes, and I bearly notice my mom), but I still love her .

Anyway, don't worry about being home for the next two years....start off with getting back to school first, let the smaller things be taken care of later, just take care of the current situation. You'll do great!

 

[Soilwork]

Meh.. I know plenty of people who've managed to become successful without a university degree.

That being said, it's not the degree but the skills you get.

Can you maybe split the difference? say.. get a student loan, move to a city, take night school courses in your chosen field (what is that by the way?) and have both a boyfriend and a career path?

 

[zanarkand]

hey dan i was in a similar situation as you untill this year. I come from a country town where it was hard growing up and realising i was gay. I applied to go to university and finshed high school but i eneded up deferring my course and working in retail. I did this for the year but realised that i just wanted to get out of where i was. I wasn't happy living in a country town where there was no one gay that i knew, i just felt like i coldn't talk to anyone. So i eneded up getting into the uni course that i had deferred and i moved to the city at the beginning of this year. So far it been good im enjoying my course, i still haven't told anyone i'm gay yet but atleast now i have the option to meet others like me. You are obviously not happy now so the only advice i can give to you is that u should make a change in your life. If your not happy with your job start looking into studying again or try a career path outside of retail, something that suits what you are interested in. This is just my opinion but i don't see the point in working in a job that u don't like, especially if it makes you unhappy.

 

[luminum]

I agree with Soil that it's about the skills, not so much about the degree, thought he degree is a general 'stamp' to show that apparently you've got those skills.

I think that the first thing to do is move out. You just need some space apart from your parents. Anywhere you move is bound to have a community college relatively close by, so that solves the problem of both location and possible further schooling. I assume that youc an afford to move out, even if it's still in a suburb, because usually urban downtowns are more expensive to live in than suburb apartments and you sya that you're fairly certain you could make urban living a reality.

But in the end, for changing careers, having the degree is shiny, but if you can demonstrate that you have those skills (such as quick thinking, patience, courtesy, public speaking/communication skills, initiative, etc.) then you stand a pretty good chance without the degree.

Youc an do it, just don't look at it from such a huge perspective or you'll get overwhelmed. Just take small steps toward your final goal.

 

[3nipples]

I don't accept your premise. I think it's ridiculous to equate going to college and/or living at home with being lonely. Especially college, come on!

You can continue to be lonely no matter how big the city and regardless of whether you go back to school or not.

I suspect the real reason that you're lonely is because you have buried yourself so deeply in the closet. I wouldn't be surprised if this has also been a major factor in your past failure at school.

I suggest you pick a college based on how appropriate it is for achieving your scholastic goals and your living arrangement according to what makes the most sense financially, keeping yourself out of debt as much as possible.

Don't wait for some future event to take place before addressing your loneliness. Do can do something about that today if you seriously put your mind to it.

All of us here are more than willing to help you do that if you want

 

[megustamyn]

You have 2 major points in your favor: you know who you are and you’re willing to work hard. Now you need to stop thinking about your limitations and focus on your possibilities.

I’m an old man and I don’t consider myself a role model but I think my life experience has shown me that many things are possible when you commit yourself to a goal.

I dropped out of college in my junior year for lack of money. I was 21 at the time. After several weeks of job hunting, I accepted the first clerical job that was offered to me. After a few years I went back to college. I was in my early 30s when I got my bachelor’s degree and 38 when I got my MBA. I went to school at night and my employer provided a lot of financial assistance because I had proven that I was committed to the job.

When I was 43 I went back for another graduate degree, this one at my expense. I had decided that I would retire when I reached 30 years of service with the company and I would begin a new career. I retired at 51 with a pension that allowed me to move into a career that is much less lucrative but more rewarding.

BTW, life-long schooling is one of the marks of a professional. At 58 I still have to take classes because I must have a minimum number of continuing education units each year in order to maintain my professional credentials. Whatever field you go into, if you don’t stay current you’ll be left behind.

Anyway, going off to be on your own in an urban center will not doom you to a lifetime of crappy jobs unless that’s what you choose. Quite the contrary, you will find a broader range of opportunities if you’re willing to work hard and you believe in yourself.

At 25, you are very young and have a lot to look forward to. I thought I was old when I went back to a degree program at 43 and I found the school was full of mature students, many much older than I was.

 

[biguy69]

Jump ship, move to London, UK.
Study here, meet people, have a fresh start.

City living is so different to rural/suburban life.
I'm actually addicted to it.
Just having it all on your doorstep is amazing and the people you meet, while technically no different from the ones elsewhere are much more open and accepting because they've seen it all before.

I recommend the city plan, and not just for the gay scene, for the experience of living life. Just beware of the pitfalls of 24 hour bars. Hangovers and work don't mix.

 

[mabby7]

You have 2 major points in your favor: you know who you are and you’re willing to work hard. Now you need to stop thinking about your limitations and focus on your possibilities.

I’m an old man and I don’t consider myself a role model but I think my life experience has shown me that many things are possible when you commit yourself to a goal.

I dropped out of college in my junior year for lack of money. I was 21 at the time. After several weeks of job hunting, I accepted the first clerical job that was offered to me. After a few years I went back to college. I was in my early 30s when I got my bachelor’s degree and 38 when I got my MBA. I went to school at night and my employer provided a lot of financial assistance because I had proven that I was committed to the job.

When I was 43 I went back for another graduate degree, this one at my expense. I had decided that I would retire when I reached 30 years of service with the company and I would begin a new career. I retired at 51 with a pension that allowed me to move into a career that is much less lucrative but more rewarding.

BTW, life-long schooling is one of the marks of a professional. At 58 I still have to take classes because I must have a minimum number of continuing education units each year in order to maintain my professional credentials. Whatever field you go into, if you don’t stay current you’ll be left behind.

Anyway, going off to be on your own in an urban center will not doom you to a lifetime of crappy jobs unless that’s what you choose. Quite the contrary, you will find a broader range of opportunities if you’re willing to work hard and you believe in yourself.

At 25, you are very young and have a lot to look forward to. I thought I was old when I went back to a degree program at 43 and I found the school was full of mature students, many much older than I was.

What an inspiring story. I say this because even though I am young, I've been through a lot and right now am thinking of going back to college.

And to the OP. I guess you'll have to do some research on schools and jobs you can get into. I'm sure that there are plenty. I think you are just limiting yourself, which I am sometimes guilty of doing.

 

[dan1982]

Well if you move into the city, and get a job, there should still be time to go to school part time. Even big cities have community colleges! You can make it work. With hard work and dedication you can get yourself where you want to be!

It true that in theory I could work and go to school I’m just not sure how it will work in practice.

 

[dan1982]

Meh.. I know plenty of people who've managed to become successful without a university degree.



That being said, it's not the degree but the skills you get.

That’s true, but I haven't been able to get into position to demonstrate my abilities yet. I think a degree would help me get into one.

Can you maybe split the difference? say.. get a student loan, move to a city, take night school courses in your chosen field (what is that by the way?) and have both a boyfriend and a career path?

Given my past academic history I doubt I'd qualify for financial aid. As far as work and night school I could try it not sure if I’d be able to handle it. As my chosen field I'm not quite sure to be honest.

 

[dan1982]

I don't accept your premise. I think it's ridiculous to equate going to college and/or living at home with being lonely. Especially college, come on!

Community college doesn’t really offer much of a social life. And living in the suburbs is socially isolating. Plus I definitely don't want to live here long term so I don't really want to put too much into developing a social life that I plan on uprooting two years from now anyway.

You can continue to be lonely no matter how big the city and regardless of whether you go back to school or not.

That's definitely true but the chances of having a social life in a city are greater than they are where I am now.

I suspect the real reason that you're lonely is because you have buried yourself so deeply in the closet. I wouldn't be surprised if this has also been a major factor in your past failure at school.

It's certainly been a factor in my loneness and quite possibly been a fact in problems at school.

I suggest you pick a college based on how appropriate it is for achieving your scholastic goals and your living arrangement according to what makes the most sense financially, keeping yourself out of debt as much as possible.

Don't wait for some future event to take place before addressing your loneliness. Do can do something about that today if you seriously put your mind to it.

All of us here are more than willing to help you do that if you want

 

[luminum]

It true that in theory I could work and go to school I’m just not sure how it will work in practice.

No one is ever sure how things will work in practice, only in theory. Practice is what happens as you're doing it. So it seems like with that, you have two choices:

1) Not do it because it might not work out and ensure it has a 0% chance.
2) Do it and at least give yourself a chance for things to work out. .00001% is infinitely greater chance than 0%

 

[3nipples]

Plus I definitely don't want to live here long term so I don't really want to put too much into developing a social life that I plan on uprooting two years from now anyway.

Carpe diem! Stop with the excuses.

 

[dan1982]

Carpe diem! Stop with the excuses.

you're that shouldn't be a reason not to try.

 

[dan1982]

To piggyback on my first post.

I want to begin exploring sex and relations I know that I won't be able to that very well if at all from where I am now. I am in many ways already emotionally stunted chronologically I'm 25 but emotionally I'm younger. I don't want to be just as stunted at 30. At the same time I have serious doubts about weather I'd be able to handle full time work and school at the same time. I don't want to be 35 and in a dead end job with no future. I'm still not sure what to do.