Where'd his libido go?!

[milboy]

My bf is 35, I'm 24 and a big horn dog. We've been together for three years. He's the top, I'm the bottom. He has had a lot of sex encounters back in his younger days. We don't have a sexual relationship anymore. I ask for sex/try to make love to him all the time but it never happens; it's always a No or he's "too tired". I get sex maybe once every three months!

 

[hotb0d]

maybe he doesn't want to be a top anymore...

maybe you should try j/o and b/j with him. Be intimate, I think that's what he wants.

 

[DigitalFudge]

You really have to talk to him. I do not know your type of dialog in your relationship or as a person but you need to make sure he knows that you are concerned and not just "Im horny and it is your job to fuck me" but that you want to be intimate and you miss him. Make sure he knows you are worried about the "Us" not the "You"

Damn what I posted sounds like complete manipulation, well almost.

But you have to come at it in a way that rips his walls down.

This kind of issue is very easily lied about and he can very easily lie unless you come at him in a way that he will come clean.


Hope this helps

 

[milboy]

Thanks everyone for their input/suggestions. I know he's def not cheating on me. He loves me & I can tell he does. Just don't know why we never make love (penetration included) often as I'd like...maybe I am being selfish? Maybe once every three months is normal? I don't know. He's def a top, he's very much an ass man. He worked in the porn industry, both actor and behind the scenes filming & editing, not sure if that made him lose his sex drive.

I do suck him off a lot, and get him off. He's just now starting to give me hand jobs every now & then. He'll suck it here & there. Before I used to never get head from him cause I am uncut and he was very ignorant towards giving uncut a try. That's a totally different story.

 

[milboy]

I'm am very much hwp, have not gained unneccesary weight and I also have very good hygeine, even my cock.

He used to be married to a chick for 10 years, they both fucked around with many guys, he's fucked many guys alone too all through out...then he met me, settled down...and all of a sudden he hardly feels like fcking anymore.

 

[angelstreet]

are you sure he isn't craving women again?? LOL only joking.. However, 34 is too young to lose the sex drive and I am agreeing with another poster about him losing interest. He may well love you very much but sometimes we need that spark too.. Maybe it just isn't there....

I know you say he loves you but as a horny time bisexual women I can assure you 3 years is too short to not have sex that often... I have been with men far longer than that who I had to keep up with!!!

Good luck....

 

[bankside]

The story of his sex life - he has a history with a short attention span for sex partners. To have good sex with the same person on a long-term basis is not just something you want, it is something you have to learn how to do. Maybe having quick flings with new people in the porn industry gave him enough variety that he never had to learn how to enjoy just one person for a long time.

Maybe he doesn't know what to do either, because before he met you he probably would have just moved on. But settling down does not require slowing down. If sex has slowed down so much just because neither of you are sure how to reenergize your sex life, you don't have to keep it that way to prove your loyalty to each other, and you don't have to give up and try with someone else. And once every 3 months is pretty slow.

Start with something sensual instead of sexual. Back rubs, foot rubs, that kind of thing. Slow it down and enjoy a moment together instead of trying to climb right onto each other. When it does get sexual, try something different instead of what you already know - try being versatile maybe...you don't have to be exactly horny at exactly the same time... put on a show for him where he doesn't have to do anything but watch & enjoy.

Also fitness, stress, fatigue, health can have a huge impact on libido...check that you're both living well.

 

[operafan]

Maybe it is physical. Is he in good health? Maybe it's mental -- could he be depressed?

 

[milboy]

I'm not sure what it is. I went six days without evening mentioning anything sexual, I didn't ask for sex, didn't ask for head, didn't ask to blow him. On the seventh day I mentioned sex, and said "No" so I asked why, and he got all mad and said "here we go again!". I get so tired of it. I don't know what to do, except give up.

Now here is why I am even more mad. Help me out guys. Every night my bf is too tired or not horny enough to do anything sexual with me (I don't expect sex every single night, but when it hardly happens at all, that sucks)...the last couple of nights, while I'm in a deep sleep, my bf gets on Craigslist, searches the Men 4 Men sex ads, and finds other guys to email dirty descriptive sexual things...like stuff he'd like to do with them. I just read his emails. WTF. Him & I have had three ways in the way past, but that gives him no excuse to do that shit.

 

[bankside]

He's not picking up on the fact that this is an issue for him. And given that he's having more fun with e-mail than with you, your concern is reasonable.

Why does he think he can just sweep this under the carpet when you have been up front about the fact that things aren't working for you the way they are going?

The way you describe it, he's not even trying to deal with it, he's just brushing it off.

 

[CTorontoC]

It sounds like he's become bored and wants to go fuck around elsewhere. Hate to be a downer but especially if he's searching cl and not only searching it but actively messaging people? I'd say it's 99% sure he's after something new. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore but as I know from personal experience switching from multiple nsa partners to just one for a long period of time can be a big adjustment. If he really loves you he will do what needs to be done to make it work, if not you'll probably find out.

When I was feeling a bit "bored" with my sex life I discussed it with my bf and it helped us a lot but we're lucky to be able to communicate about anything. We also agreed to someday try a 3way. Of course, you mention having already done that with him so if he is indeed as I suspect after sex with someone else he does sound pretty selfish. I know if I had been having 3 ways with my bf before I went through my little dilemna it probably would never have been a problem and Id have been grateful for it.

Of course, it could also just be a phase. Sometimes people are hornier sometimes they're less horny.. For example.. after my surgery a year ago I had 0 sex drive at all for a good two months. My bf didn't understand and at first he thought something was wrong but I explained to him that I didn't feel attractive anymore with the scars and that I wasn't feeling sexual as a result. Now on the other hand, my 19 year old boyfriend can barely keep up with my sex drive even though his is very high as well. Yesterday I wanted not one but two blowjobs in a row, a year ago he had to force me into sex ... so basically people can change. Give it a while, and if things dont improve, confront him and find out wtf is going on. If he can't commit to giving you what you want at least some of the time he doesn't care enough.